CALEXIT #1 [Review]: Sick-O-Phants.
“Now we’re gunna take their Black Mask Studios, that Black Mask, and peel it like an orange off their heads like it’s a gimp mask, and make it into a blue mask, maybe into a bruised mask, you know like a big Halloween rubber mask that’s all bloody like a red mask, a death mask, a death mask that’ll come alive again, and we’ll make it into a Lone Ranger mask, you know, a big white mask, a true Amerikkkan mask! It’ll be great! It’ll be great!! It’ll be a G.O.A.T. mask! Better than a sheep mask, because you all know I’m the Wolf Mask! The Greatest Of All Time Mask!! It’ll be a Great White Mask again!!!”
“These loser comic book guys don’t think we’re onto them, don’t think we know they’re conduhhhscending on me. Well, I got news for you fellas, for that writer, Matteo Pizzolo (Godkiller, Twelve Reasons To Die), that artist, Amancay Nahuelpan (Clandestino, BOY-1), that colorist, Tyler Boss (Lazarus, We Can Never Go Home), that letterist, Jim Campbell (Wonderland, Giant Days). I’m sicking my Racist Bannon, and my Father Rossie, and my Greenshirts and goons and thugs to come kick your doors and pull the shingle and close you! I’m coming to make some Joe Pesci on you, for the claw hammer in the Casino back room with the two cheating card shark losers that get their fingers smashed! I’m gunna fingersmash all you California snowlflake guys!!!”
“You Limpcoast Lefties’ll need sanctuaries from that sissy Sanctuary Sister cities you got out there, because my Sovereign Citizens Coalition in the Bakersfield and the Fresno and the San Onofre, so I can send dope-smoking-baby-killing liberal losers down to Gitmo Island for a one-way-ticket, when I can watch you on my really big long spy glass with my gold-and-marble balcony and the suntan lotion golfclub from 60 miles away in Mar-a-Lago down in Margaritaville!”
“I got some filthy dirt on you, Jamil! You tattoo-prisoned-brown-skinned-drug-smuggler-greasy-wife-beater loser! I’m gunna put you to one of my favorite black sites in Egypt and tortureboard you, then I’m gunna round up your loser rebel friends in that Mullholland Resistance, some unAmerican-looking-loser-terrorist girl, Zora Donato, for them low-rent Marvull super-hero friends in Hollywood Boulevard with that dirty underwear of tourist money! Then hiding out by old Charles Manson communes down up there!”
“Then the guy writing this one, this review one, him that works as peon servant boy by despicable illegal immigrant celebrity chef who used to own his very catering dumpany in that building where that big beautiful elephant is. It’s a gorgeous elephant! Let me tell you! It’s a big strong white elephant, and you can’t even fit it into my living room in my penthouse apartment with me! It’s almost as big as my penis top building in my home Goo York State!!!”
“When I get done which Lustcoast Liberal losers, I’m gunna toiletbowl some whole fukkn sucktuary Stated! I’m gunna have a build of Mount Trumpmore out there, with my big sexy Aryan head on it, with little D.W. Griffith and little Robert E. Lee and little David Duke heads underneath my big swollen President head!!! I’m gunna make that place Calexsellent Again into a golf course that looks my penis wrinkle again!!!” 4.75/5 Piss-Colored Cotton Candy Wigs. –Jason “Bad Preacher” Bud