(And don’t forget, our own “Monsignor” Travis Moody went above and Batman Beyond the call of duty to gather some notes from WonderCon’s 75th Anniversary of Batman panel. Proceed to read notes and see clips on our blog’s second page.)

Adding on to the holiday-driven events that unfold in the main story, Batman: Arkham Origins‘ Cold, Cold Heart takes place just after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. Bruce Wayne, in his philanthropic benevolence, is hosting an event for humanitarian and Gothcorp CEO Ferris Boyle. That is until the walking refrigerator himself decides to crash the party. From there on, the Dark Knight must use his keen detective skills to unravel the mystery of Mr. Freeze…

Arkham Knight delayed? Say it isn’t so! Ha-hah!

Compared to Harley Quinn’s revenge, this DLC offers much more in terms of dynamic game play. Granted, you don’t get to play as the Boy Wonder, but what you do get is the opportunity to see the inside of Wayne Manor. There are several predator and melee challenges that take place before you can chase after the snowman in the open world of South Gotham island.

The open world portion is sightly truncated, but there is still plenty to do. The three side missions actually tie into the gameplay and help you advance the story. So they got that goin’… which is nice. Whether it be battling Anarky‘s horde of hippies or defrosting GCPD’s numerous cop-sicles, each mission unlocks key elements of the game. The detective mode, which can be somewhat annoying during the main game, does a nice job of enhancing the Batman experience, making the DLC as a whole totally worth the download.

4.75 (out of 5) Batarangs.

(Flip the page for BONUS WonderCon bulletpoints from the Batman: 75th Anniversary panel!)

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1. To become/remain single and lonely.
2. To gain at least 30 pounds.
3. To have absolutely no social life (besides digitally).
4. To develop painful chronic carpal tunnel syndrome.

If you’re still here, then Welcome to Tamriel! It has been a while since I reviewed the Beta for Elder Scrolls Online, and I have to say, this game has improved ten-fold since the first time your boy went on a crusade through the massive continent of Tamriel. (A lot has also remained the same though, so rather than be repetitive also check out my past review.)

GOODIE BAG

The masterfully designed and beautiful world has been fine-tuned since the beta, giving users a graphical interface worthy of a game called Elder Scrolls. While still not on par with Skyrim‘s graphics, you need to remember: THIS GAME IS TEN TIMES THE SIZE! Plus, the fact you’re playing with thousands of other people is just the icing on the cake at that point.

Never before have players witnessed an MMO — especially one of this magnitude — look so real. The teams at Zenimax and Bethesda rid of any cartoonish World of Warcraft junk here, as attention to detail was spared nowhere.

Also, since this is a just-released game, there is no limit to the upgrades that you can see to the world in the next 10-to-15-years (yes, that’s the lifespan for a great MMO). The water reflects the area around it. Fire illuminates in an eerie glow, shimmering on cave walls. Sunspots even appear on screen if the camera is positioned at the right angle. Beware of this however, because if it happens in a fight you can literally get killed from having the sun in your eyes.

Bad day in the office.

Almost all of the quirky bugs people experienced during the Beta have been fixed. Only a few remain and the Templar was able to report them the second I came across one. More magical? The bug was fixed right away. Reporting a bug (one that proved to be true) even earns you a reward of random equipment sent to you through in game mail. With us PC people helping the development team find these last little quirks, the game looks even better for console players who shouldn’t have to deal with the slightest bug come June. (Cont. on next page…)

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You are Delsin Rowe, a “man with a plan and an aerosol can” (keep reading, you will understand later). Delsin is just your average young Native American kid at the beginning of the game. Well, if you call being constantly arrested for tagging everything in sight average. Oh yeah, the cop that always arrests him is his older brother Reggie (hence the name Second Son).

FAMILY MATTERS

You start off the game tagging up a billboard and being arrested.. when all of a sudden a military truck crashes. Reggie rushes over to try and help the people in the truck, when one of the “convicts” in the back grabs ahold of Delsin (voiced by Troy Baker, who else). One problem though, as soon as the prisoner grabs him, Del sucks up the guys power “like a sponge.” A few minutes and a burnt down fish guttery later, you meet Brooke Augustine, the villain of the game.

A Comics Bulletin billboard? (Finally, something new to tag.)

Brooke heads up the Department of Unified Protection, an agency whose sole purpose is to hunt down and imprison conduits (people with superpowers). Here’s the funny thing though: she and all of her agents are conduits. So yeah, you’re fighting other super powered enemies in this game. To make a long story short, Augustine decides to torture the Akomish people – Delsin’s tribe — to see if they have any information about the prisoners. She does this by putting concrete spikes into them.

A week later, our man wakes up in the hospital fully healed (because he has powers!) and finds out what Augustine did to his people. The only way to cure them is to have the concrete power himself. Delsin and Reggie take off for Seattle, and thus our game begins.

(Cont. on next page!)

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Titanfall is pure fun at its damage core, an adrenaline rush unmatched by any online FPS on the market. The combat is tight, and the free-running mechanics and specialized weapons just make sense, something I find especially refreshing in a genre where too many titles feel like they’re fighting in the Clone Wars. While every rose has its thorn (or does every Titan have its loose nuts and bolts?), Titanfall’s thorns are few and far between.

I opted to begin with the campaign mode in Respawn’s behemoth shooter. You’ll play as either an IMC or Militia pilot across nine missions, where the story narrative vocalizes over your intercom as you crush opponents in either Hardpoint or Attrition gameplay variants. The AI pilots are surprisingly sharp, with almost a human quality to their gunplay. Well, that’s because they are humans.

FEED.. ME.. MORE! FEED.. ME.. MORE!

Titanfall in its entirety is multiplayer only. While this allows for some very interesting battles where the story progresses no matter whether you win or lose, it also loses some key components to a good campaign mode. There are no consequences– life is not finite; you can literally teabag your entire way through the hour-and-a-half-per-side campaign and find yourself with a completed story and a gifted 100 achievement points. However, there is a mech-ton of fun to be had bringing a party into the campaign and wreaking havoc on the opposition, and you’ll be rewarded for winning every mission. Speaking of rewards…

(Cont. on next page…)

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I was really excited to delve into Namco Bandai’s newest, soul-crushingly difficult RPG, Dark Souls II. Yet I lost my appetite all too quickly.

Before the question arises, YES— I am a fan of the previous abusive titles Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls. The problem here isn’t the combat. After all, that’s what you’ve come to crave of this series, right? A game hard enough where you find that you ask yourself all too often, “why am I enjoying dying so much?” Trust me, you’ll die a lot here too; there’s even an achievement for your first death (This is Dark Souls!), which was chuckle-worthy. However, I was largely unimpressed with, well… nearly everything else.

Before we continue, let it be known I played the Xbox 360 version. Some issues I had with DS2 may not be found on other platforms.

Upon starting the game, we’re treated to a great cutscene. The quality was on-point and, as a graphics person, this got me pumped for what was to come. Yet when my character jumped into the swirling pit of souls and switched to in-game visuals, I was sorely disappointed. The textures were so horrible, I thought I was playing Two Worlds III (I hope they’re not making that). Blades of grass were all exactly the same, every stone and column featured the same bland grey, and the main character’s cloak constantly had a breeze blowing it, even if they were laying on the floor. The character models of the witches you encounter in the first hut were downright unappealing. This is 2014, and if other recent RPGs have been able to show us better graphics than the 2009 buffet Dark Souls II has spread out, there is no reason they couldn’t do the same.

Plants vs. Zombies: Game of Thrones Edition.

Getting into customizing my main, the options were incredibly vast and appreciated. I chose the Knight class, although you can pick from several options, one being a vagrant with no armor, weapons, or clothes for that matter; just a big “F-You” class. Once I was content with my appearance, I set out into random encampments of mist.

And things just didn’t get better…

(Cont. on next page!)

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Uhhhhhhh… uhuhuhuh… when exactly IS.. uh.. Winter COMING, Beavis?

[The following review is rated “ARR” for pirates, fuck you!]

So, I have been watching this episode of South Park for over 8-hours now, and let me tell you, The Stick of Truth is the greatest South Park has ever been.

I’m sorry, did I say.. watching?

I meant playing.

Other than some unfortunate glitches on the PS3, Matt Stone & Trey Parker‘s new game is…something quite amazing but nevertheless uneasy to describe. Thus, your almighty geek-”Father” will have to just make up a word: “chocolatesaltyfaithplussupercearealbepraisedfishticks.” For one, I know you may have heard and read over and over again how Stick looks like an episode of South Park, but let me tell you: IT FUCKING DOES. Secondly, I am geeking out all over this game.

Let’s start off with some backstory. For the few dummies who haven’t watched the Fellowship of the Lord of the Rings or the very recent “Black Friday” trilogy episodes of SP yet, this game may confuse you. Like, not knowing why everyone is dressed up so weird and who has become what class or race? I suggest you watch those episodes now for free at South Park Studios, if you fall under this category.

(Cont. on next page…)

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Thief stars a rather cheery fellow named Garrett — a master thief, pickpocket and all around good guy. You start off the game on a mission with the beautiful Erin, a fellow thief with an attitude and the skills to back it up. Problem is, Erin is bad news. And like most women (we kid!), she has no empathy and doesn’t mind cheating to get what she wants. In the midst of a creepy voodoo ritual at a twisted temple, an all-too antsy Erin fluffs everything up, setting the fate of both her and Garrett in motion. Next, enter a mass conspiracy full of hardship and intrigue.

THOU SHALL NOT…

Steal. You are a thief, plain and simple. You get to rip everything that’s not bolted down. That is until you get your hands on the ratchet, and then those pesky bolted down objects are up for grabs. There is a lot of loot in this game too. Everywhere you go, there are objects of different values that are yours for the taking. The stealth engine is not too shabby either. Because you start off the game as a master thief, you can literally sneak in almost plain sight of enemies (as long as you’re hiding in the shadows that is). If you’re in a lighted area you’ll be spotted and beaten quicker than a Bieber fan at an Eminem show. Thankfully, there are plenty of shadows. If not, players can shoot out fires with handy water arrows or simply flick switches if the light is electric.

Robbin’ Johnny Blaze’s crib was a terrible idea.

(Cont. on next page…)

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“What do you mean this isn’t a game for kids,” you’re saying, “It’s Donkey Kong!”

Well, ladies and chimps, this game is HARD. A young kid wouldn’t be able to make it through the first few levels, nevermind the first island (trust me, I used my minion as a test bunny). If you’re old enough to have played the original Donkey Kong Country then you know how ridiculously hard the old platformers were. Take that and multiply in more pitfalls, tougher enemies, a pace that goes from fairly stilted to extremely rushed– and that’s the game we are now discussing. That’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Uh, in this game the iceberg isn’t really proverbial, but more on that later.

Raganarok was a SEAL.

The game starts out with DK and his closest pals at our heroes’ birthday party. Everything looks like it’s going great on Kong Island, up until a fleet of frozen ships appears to mess up the party. Leading the animals from the arctic is what appears to be a giant Yeti, but you can’t see him yet; rather, there’s nothing but a shadowy outline and a sinister laugh (you know the kind I’m talking about). A snowflake lands on DK’s cake extinguishing the flame, and like a flash the master ape rushes out to see who ruined his banana cake. That’s when the big boss blows into a magic horn, blowing DK and his friends off Kong Island and freezing the lush jungle paradise solid.

The artwork in this game is gorgeous. All of the islands and levels were designed with utmost attention to detail, as every character looks ready to pop out of the screen and the brilliant landscapes that alter as you’re playing. Just the second things are going as nice as a leisurely stroll through the jungle, something happens…and everything starts flying everywhere, bringing death and destruction on a level never before seen in a game like this.

(Cont. on next page…)

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But you’re all here just to smash stuff, right?

That you do, if you’re not already yet burned out by simplistic 3-button controls, skin makeovers of cherished pop culture figures, and puzzles that should feel oh-so-fracking formulaic by now. If you played one LEGO game, you’ve played them all; but if you really really enjoyed one LEGO game, then…you will likely enjoy this one too.

Benny and The Bats.

What The LEGO Movie Videogame also offers differently from other LEGO games like, say, Batman is (not Batman, of course) a certain, specific nostalgia factor: the classic LEGO. Before LEGO was smart enough to make money off of Star Wars and Indiana Jones, 80s babies like your very own Monsignor were building our own “Empire Bricks Back” (shit, you don’t know how many hours I spent creating my own pirate and medieval versions of “Black Brick Sails” and “Game of Lego Thrones”, respectively). So it was nice to see a game faithful to the original LEGO properties; one that felt extra special when joined by the likes of Benny the Space Guy (voiced by It’s Always Sunny‘s Charlie Day) and the Ghost of Vitruvius (Morgan “Fucking” Freeman), instead of more popular modern-day choices like Green Lantern or Gandalf.

Sadly, with great generic power comes even easier gameplay. The only real challenges had were a few bugs, and, unfortunately, I’m not referring to the Lord President’s mechanical, evil kind. No, I had to reset the game at least 3-4 times because a damn cutscene wouldn’t appear when it was supposed to. That made my 10-12 hour campaign experience, oh, just a tad bit longer.

Cool thing about LEGO games, especially if you’re more the casual gamer (a Wii-type player if you will), there’s always plenty of replay value in store. Unlocking secrets, finding gold bricks, buying more generic freaks (some of my favorite oddities of the 90 playable were Lizard Emmet, Yeti, and, heh, Fembot).

Uh, yeah!

I’d also highly suggest playing this with friends, coworkers or landlords, as AI teammates — like every other LEGO game before it — do nothing more than stand around when your character gets bizzy; I’m shocked when someone other than My Little Unikitty is actually fighting! Surely doing everything can get tedious after a while.

As for the missions, they all look gorgeous. Like the film, everything is made out of Lego. Traveller’s Tales does quite the “bang up” job with all the level detail, with perhaps my favorite of the 15 levels being Cloud Cuckoo Land. It’s quite the spectacle. And while my time spent playing LEGO Movie was on the Xbox One console, it’s difficult to say whether the next-gen port made all that much difference visually other than a handful of impressive warp sequences. The cinematic cutscenes look great, of course; but besides the fact it’s footage straight from the film (so make sure you go see the movie first, unlike yours truly), these moments appear oddly slowed, almost glitched.

Call it: motion not captured.

In addition to the times where your character may get stuck or have difficulty flying over areas where he or she should, LEGO‘s tropes will come off to you as either dull or triumphant. Building vehicles and other gadgetry actually feels real because of this game’s classic simplicity. As it should! Emmet (Chris Platt, reprising his “Mr. Ordinary” protagonist from the film) is in the construction business, after all.

The LEGOFall Beta came early for some.

Speaking of contraptions, perhaps the most fun you’ll have playing TLMVG is with MetalBeard. He’s simply Pacific Lego Rim meets Pirates of the Titanfall Caribbean. This mechanical swashbuckler can swipe and stomp everything in his way. He’s only a disappointment when you have to switch to another character, even if it’s Superman.

Another new addition to the LEGO lore is the Pac-Man-inspired game-in-game. At first, Benny’s hacking is a nice break from all the smashing, but after the 4th or 5th time, you’d wish this little sequence reverted to the likes of Pong or Frogger. Snooze.

But look, kids. The LEGO Movie Videogame is a fun ass time. There’s enough humor, challenge and beauty to recommend this to everyone from the the most LEGOgamaniacs to mere fans of the film. If nothing else, the game serves as a nice “greatest hits” package of classic LEGO lore (besides the Avengers one, of course!).

If you don’t mind the fact that everything is decent, that is.

3.25 (out of 5) Lego.

The LEGO Movie Videogame available now for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, PS3, Xbox 360, Wii-U, PS Vita, Nintendo 3DS, and PC.

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LET FREEDOM CRY WITH…A (HAND) CANNON

Assassins Creed IV: Freedom Cry lets you take control of Edward Kenway’s quartermaster Adawale 15-years after the events of Black Flag. Toting around a vicious bloodthirsty machete, ‘Wale slices and dices his way through slavers and French soldiers in the colony town of Saint-Domingue, better known today as Haiti. The DLC starts off with our new hero attacking a Templar ship, killing its Admiral and stealing a package destined for Saint-Domingue. After stealing the package, Adawale’s ship Victoire sinks in a storm and he miraculously washes ashore on the very island the package was destined for.

Right from the get-go, Adawale sees the oppression of the enslaved peoples of Saint-Domingue and decides to take a stand. Having escaped the bonds of slavery himself, he can’t help but feel the plight of the “Maroon” rebels. As an assassin he must try to return to his brotherhood, but in the meantime he decides to have a little fun with the locals.

If I hear one more “sorry”outta Macklemore…

In this DLC, money is only good for upgrading Adawales ship, the Experto Crede. To get all the awesome weapons and pouches you have to earn a different kind of currency: RESPECT! You earn all your weapons (and let me tell you, some of them are bad ass…can you say hand cannon?) by freeing oppressed slaves. You have the opportunity to free small numbers of slaves all over, but the biggest and most gratifying experience is liberating plantations and boarding slave ships. The more you save, the better stuff you unlock.

The world map in Freedom Cry is roughly 1/6 the size of the map in Black Flag, but that is still saying something when you think of the enormity of the game. Unfortunately, there was only one town and a few scattered plantations in the world. The only real reason to board your ship was to hunt down slavers and dive on the ruins of an infamous shipwreck; and because, hell, it’s crazy fun to blast ships out of the water, especially corrupt French slaver ships.

But what happened to that package Adawale stole? What about hints on the next big Assassin’s Creed location? More on that later…

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