CRUISERWEIGHT CLASSIC [Ringside Apostle Review]: Gooooooooooooaaaaalllllllllllllllll!!!

CRUISERWEIGHT CLASSIC [Ringside Apostle Review]: Gooooooooooooaaaaalllllllllllllllll!!!

Felipe "The 3rd Deacon" Crespo @F7ovrdrv

Felipe “The 3rd Deacon” Crespo

Since most folks I know who watch the WWE Network tend to be “a couple episodes behind” either NXT or CWC, this Deacon thought it was only right to go over and quickly review last week’s episode of the Cruiserweight Classic (CWC), which featured the final three matches of Round #1. Round #2 began last night, as well, and had a main event as great as the epic confrontation between NXT tag team partners Gargano and Ciampa. So, if you haven’t yet watched either episode 4 or 5 of the CWC yet… well then what the hell are you waiting for?

Come back when you’re done.

But for those interested in all the hype swirling the WWE’s special weekly event (thanks to Moody and a plethora of others), then check out my commentary. And then purchase the WWE Network for only *southern drawl* nine-ninedee niiiiiine.

CWC, Episode 4 (8/3/16)

Rich Swann vs. Jason Lee.

The true face of a champion.

The true face of a champion.

OK. So not that guy (unfortunately). But.. Oh. Yay. Another dancing wrestler. I really wanted Swann to lose. He’s definitely athletic, but I can’t stand him. Also since his name is not Earl, Lee was barely given a chance to show what he can do. Of all the matches so far, this was by far the most boring. 2/5 Bathroom Breaks.

Noam Dar (Fabreze, son of Fandango and Tyler Breeze) vs. Gurv Sihra.

Bollywood camera? Excuse you, Mauro Renalo? You mean.. Hollywood Blondes’ camera. “Wasted too much time trying to entertain”, spoke Daniel Bryan, talking about Gurv–which is funny, because Gurv failed.

Really cool kneebar from Fabreeze for the finisher, though.

2/5 Jack Swagger vs Sin Cara Matches.

Jack Gallagher (love child of Sheamus and Aiden English) vs. Fabian Aichner

In a tournament where Bryan is commentating, they have a tiny guy beat a muscle machine?!? Surely you jest! Called this one the moment they played the intro videos.. Anyway.. Some of Sheamus English’s reversals were so slow that it was impossible to not see the window where Fabian could’ve clotheslined his head off — even with a wrestling fan’s pre-installed suspension of belief.

The true face of a geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!

The true face of a geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!

Jesus, what a bullshit ending. The reversal powerbomb would’ve been such an amazing finish, but like I said, I knew how this would end up. Instead.. Yeah. A running dropkick. Cool. 2.5/5 Sticky Wrestling Programs Given to Me by Bryan Danielson.

Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa

The match–that I mentioned in my opener–saved this episode, because honestly, aside from this “friendly” confrontation, this had easily been the most boring CWC I’ve seen of the bunch.

4.5/5. M.O.T.Y. Candidate nominations. Go watch it. Why not 5? Really didn’t like the finish. Just didn’t sit well with me.

CWC, Episode 4 rating:
4/5 Yes, Gargano vs Ciampa that Damned Good’s.

CWC, Episode 5 (8/10/16)

(That Control center will never not be stupid.)

Gran Metalik vs Tajiri.

CWC opens up Round 2 with a major *spoiler alert*: kicks montage for Tajiri. While this overall pretty, back-and-forth match was indeed enjoyabl, it was definitely overshadowed by what was about to overcome. Thankfully, Metalik won. I hope Kendrick shares the same fate, because old (for wrestling), go away. Give these guys a chance.

Lucha Overground.

Lucha Overground.

“That guy” about to point out how a lot of wrestlers that are Kendrick’s age and older are still great: STFU. The tournament is meant to highlight fresher and more unknown talent. Ugh to you, “that guy”. UGH.

3/5 Gran Bibles.

Kota Ibushi vs. Cedric “No Gimmicks Needed” Alexander.

The “Monsignor” called it last night on Twitter. While it was my “Ciampa vs Gargano” for this week, it was yet another strong contender for M.O.T.Y. Really. Just watch the video.

4.5/5 Cedric totally going to NXT’s.

CWC, Episode 5 rating:
4.5/5 See You Next Weeks. – Felipe Crespo