GAME OF THRONES [Season 5 Finale, Episode 10 Review]: Lord Have NO Mercy.

GAME OF THRONES [Season 5 Finale, Episode 10 Review]: Lord Have NO Mercy.

And it all comes down to this. We hope you enjoyed our season long review feature of Game of Thrones, and intend to bring you more features like this in the future. But, for now, let’s clean up a very messy, very bloody Season 5 with our Episode 10/Season 5 Finale Chat. Instead of reviewing it, we figured to talk about it.

And why the hell not?

So, join our “Dangerous Disciple” Danny Witt, “Cardinal” Robert Bexar, and Lance Paul “The Apostle” (and a cameo from “Dutchess” Taffeta Darling) for an intriguing “live” conversation of GoT 0510.

(From L to R): Dan, Rob, Lance.

(From L to R): Dan, Rob, Lance.



Episode 10: “Mother’s Mercy” 6/14

ROBERT BEXAR: Okay, quick question: If the rumors are true, and Jon Snow is supposed to be one of the ones to rule the 7 kingdoms, How does that happen if he’s a Crow?

DAN WITT: If he’s the prince who was promised that sort of thing, it transcends the laws of men. Also, we are assuming the Night’s Watch will even still exist at the end of it all. Predicting a major cliffhanger dealing with Snow at the end of this episode.

ROB: Good call. I know the creators are attempting to make Sansa [Stark] all big and bad; but 4 seasons of her being basically useless just isn’t working for me. She would have to kill Bolton AND Stannis to make up for the past 4-years.

DAN: She’ll be instrumental, eventually. Maybe right here and now with Brienne, although I do feel Sansa will eventually be more of a manipulator, like a Cersei/Little Finger hybrid (autocorrected as “lubricant” *chuckle*).

ROB: True. She’s had both as teachers… You don’t walk into a fight sans horses?

TAFFETA DARLING: Snow’s Caesar moment, lady stoneheart appearance (been hopeful) Cersei’s walk of shame and Stannis getting his ass whooped. I’m around 30-minutes behind, so I’m leaving chat while I cook dinner. Enjoy!

DAN: I like how the way the fight was shot paralleled what Stannis‘ forces did to Mance. Surrounded in almost the same fashion and butchered. I also love how Brienne takes it full circle.

ROB:  Brienna is just a great character.  God, that woman (Myranda) is creepy.  I have a feeling Reek is going to play a part tonight.  Called It!  Just didn’t expect it to happen so soon into the episode.

DAN:  Here’s hoping. As I said in my review last week, everybody takes their medicine on this show. Looks like Stannis already has, Cersei certainly will, and likely Ramsey, too

ROB:  Oh! and this pervert (Meryn Trant).  I would LOVE for Arya to kill him.  Can’t think of his name right now.

DAN: But Jon is the one to bring us all back to why we love/hate this show. It breaks our heart.

ROB: True, but I don’t think that Jon will break out hearts tonight.

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You still know nothing…

DAN: I think so. He’s gonna get merc’d im telling ya.

ROB:  HELL YEAH!!  ARYA!!!!

DAN: Arya is the shit.

ROB:  ARYA FTW!!  Dude….

DAN: Strike him (Meryn Trant) from the list.  Yup. Was wondering if they were going to go that route

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You SAY you want a good woman…

ROB: And I just found my favorite of the sand daughters.

DAN: Mmmmmmmmmm…  That was hilarious.

ROB:  And Jaime’s daughter is the smartest of them all.

DAN:  Yup.  I knew that kiss was something more than a kiss!

LANCE:  Yoyoyo.

ROB: And there’s the white knight.

DAN:  She’s a sweetheart. As is Tommen. Too bad none of that will matter once the Night’s King shows up South of the Wall.

DAN:  Awwwwwww shit that bitch!!!!!  My sand snake is the one in the pink.

DAN: Daario Naharis is fucking badass.

ROB: Understatement of the year.

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Don’t lie, you love it when these two are together

DAN: And it’s about time we get Varys back.

ROB:  I was just about to say that.  Varys is such a fantastic character.

DAN: And just in time. He’ll be a huge boon to Tyrion.  The two of them together are nigh unstoppablea

ROB:  He’s basically the hand to the hand.  Okay, what is Dany (Daenerys) really expecting here?  Her dragon got shot up with spears last episode and she’s trying to get him to keep moving on.  Let the poor thing rest

Dan:  She’s pretty much always never been able to take no for an answer ever since she discovered that she’s the Mother of Dragon.  She’s kinda petulant

ROB: She’s also supposed to be, what, 17?

DAN: Something like that. And enter Khal Jhaqo.  The entire Khalisar.

ROB: I’ve been wondering what happened to them (The Dothrakis).

DAN:  They just bounced… And who knows how they’ll treat her

ROB: And here is Cersi.

DAN:  I wonder if they’ll shave her head.

ROB:  She is the epitome of “karma is a bitch”.

DAN:  For sure.  Kinda pisses me off they killed Myrcella. She was a good, innocent kid, but so was Shireen Baratheon.

ROB:  The innocent are usually the ones to suffer first.  Wow, she really has no problem with full frontal… good on her.  oh! you were right about the baldness.

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Edited for virgin geek eyes

DAN: Strip all vanity away.

ROB:  Bring them down to the commoner.  Okay, so she isn’t “bald”.

DAN: Buuuuuut keep in mind Cersei is who she is for a reason… Once she’s through this, there’ll be a helluva reckoning in the form of a Frankenstein’s Monster version of The Mountain.

ROB:  Oh yeah, these religious extremist are going to get theirs in a BIG way.

DAN: Lena Headey is a sexy woman for her years.

ROB:  Oh hell yeah she is.  I’m glad that you said that for me.  Well she works out.  You know she has to be kicking herself for putting that religious faction in charge.

DAN:  And power to her characterization here that, true to form, Cersei ain’t blinking an eye, because after all, she’s a Lannister.

ROB:  She is a Lannister through and through the fact that she can get spit on and NOT blink an eye.  Just damn.

DAN:  She’s going to massacre everyone in Fleabottom.  That’s the only thing going through her mind.

ROB:  There will be a reckoning of EPIC proportions.

DAN:  Weird how now we are ALMOST sympathetic to her now?

ROB: ALMOST!  But you bring up a great point.

DAN:  Kind of rooting for her to fuck all of them up.

ROB:  We are almost sympathetic to her cause we found someone to hate even more.

DAN: I admire her courage to not let them see her crack.

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Look into his eyes. On second though, DON’T LOOK!!

ROB:  Yeah, that took a lot from her… Oh! the mountain!

DAN: OOOOOHHH SNAP.  He’s back.  And he will destroy all.

ROB: Oh! Did you see the look on her face!?

DAN: We were just talking about that.

ROB: She had the look of “everyone will die!!”

DAN:  Yup. And I’ll be happy to see it, truth be told after that.  This chick never means good things.

ROB:  Sir Davos is going to go on a rampage.

DAN:  She’ll lie.

ROB:  RAAAMPAGE!!!! (in my best Archer impersonation)

DAN:  But yeah Davos would end her with his bare hands if he knew what she did to Shireen.

ROB:  Oh yeah he would.

DAN:  And here comes Et Tu Brute.

ROB:  He’s never trusted her.

DAN:  And Melisandre will resurrect him.

ROB:  Damn!!

DAN:  Knew it!  Fucking called it.  No way Jon Snow can survive this.

ROB:  He has to.  He’s Jon Snow, but being stabbed that many times IS a bit much.

DAN:  But Azor Ahai? The Prince who Was Promised? The scion of both House Stark and House Targaryen.  He could survive.

ROB:  He’ll be brought back to life somehow.

DAN:  Cuz that’s who Jon Snow is.

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Still waiting for the “TO BE CONTINUED…”

ROB:  Oh and that is how you’re going to end?!  Come on!!

DAN:  Yeah. Melisandre will do it.

ROB:  Yeah she will.  That was a great finale.

DAN:  AND, that’s how the last book ends, so now I have NO IDEA what’s coming.  Kind of exciting.  Fantastic finale.

ROB:  Was that really how the last book ended??

DAN:  Great fan service on some things, and as always, ep 10 is a stage setter for the next season

Robert:  Oh yeah.

DAN:  Yeah that’s how I knew what was going to happen

ROB:  That was SUCH a great way to lead up to the next season, but DAMN, we have to wait a damn year.

DAN:  Yeah

ROB:  UGH!!

LANCE:  You guys are cray I pop out and back in to a 100 messages.

DAN:  Glad Theon is back.

ROB:  Same, it was nice to see SOME back bone but that was a GREAT finale.

DAN:  Yeah definitely as good as any finale they’ve done.

ROB:  I’m trying to thing of one that was better and I can’t think of one.

DAN:  Yeah. It’s usually eps 8-9 that are the killers and then 10 just kind of sets up the next year, but yeah they’re really selling the “death of Jon Snow” right now.

ROB:  That “death of Jon Snow” was just a fantastic ending.

DAN:  On HBOgo they always kinda have this wrap up segment with the writers, and they’re hammering that point home.  But he’ll be back, but likely not next season.

ROB:  I think it’ll be one of those “he’ll be back NEXT season”.

DAN:  Next season we’ll get Bran and company back in the fold, political machinations of Essos, and Cersei’s vengeance, both for the Faith Militant and for Dorne and Arya getting her sight back.

ROB:  All true points.

DAN:  But we may not see Jon or Sansa. Hopefully we finally get Lady Stoneheart next season.

ROB:  I can’t WAIT to see what Bran (and co.) brings to the table.

DAN:  I think it’ll just raise the stakes of Jon’s return if they put it off a year or so.

ROB:  Next season should have every episode (if written right) every episode should be HUGE.

DAN:  It’ll certainly take a more supernatural turn. Another front to the war between ice and fire.

ROB:  Hopefully, but you have Arya, Cersi, Sansa, BranJon Snow, and Tyrian.

DAN: Yup.

LANCE:  Now remember when the show starts it after we do paragraphs not one hits.

DAN:  I just hope the Night’s King doesn’t resurrect Ned. That would be too much for my heart to take

LANCE:  That will never happen

ROB: No, it won’t

DAN:  Never say never. Resurrect Ned as a part of the Army of the Dead? How bad would that fuck with Jon? Mind games and torture tactics, George R R Martin’s calling card.

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Thelma and Louis, the GoT Edition

ROB:  That would be insanely fantastic if that happened.  How many bibles would you give this finale?

DAN:  So this season was a little uneven for me. Plodded and stalled a bit in the beginning, but when it switched gears it was a rocket ship that set a pace that almost made it hard to breathe, culminating with Hardhome. Now that it’s all said and done, it’s still clear to me that Hardhome was hands down the best episode of the season if not the series. Jon Snow’s fate being uncertain at the end was a great way to send the season off down the road as most assuredly people will be talking about it and analyzing it for weeks to come. Very buzz worthy episode with huge implications. 5/5 Bibles

ROB:  Agree. The season, for the most past was one giant set up. I would grade the season up until the last three episodes at a 4/5 bibles, but the last 3 three episodes were figuratively a punch in the gut. Thanks to the last 3 episodes, the season got upgraded to a 5/5.  Seeing as Stannis is out, Jon Snow is a coin flip, Sansa and Dany (Daenerys) are up in the air and Cersi and her daughter are both in limbo (also considering the Mountain is back)… this finale knocked everything out of the part as well as getting EVERYONE excited about next season.

LANCE: I agree with you both! Wow! This season did start off a bit off and weak and then all of a sudden hit the nitro (like a fast and furious 20) and zipped to an amazing ending (unlike a fast and the furious ending). I agree with cardinal Bexer the second of his name, this season was one step away from barely pushing out 4 bibles when bam! Five bibles all the way after Holdhome! Holdhome being my favorite episode of the series it has been nothing but up and up since. This may be due to after holdhome new territory began due to diversion from book 5 or showing glimpses of book 6. For the first time I was seeing a show that was unexpected to me. This episode was so amazing in so many ways. Finally five years later, after finishing book 5 my favorite television show has caught up to my favorite books! Watch it! Love it! Please GRRM finish book 6 before the next season! 5 (out of 5) Men of the Black agree!

5 Bibles.

5 Bibles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




Episode 9: “Dance of Dragons” 6/7

Over the last several seasons, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have set the precedent that shit, in fact, always goes down in the penultimate — read: 9th — episode of the season. I was eagerly awaiting my chance to review what I felt would be the biggest and most impactful episode of the season to date; however, Apostle Lance was lucky enough to beat me to it. Episode 8 (“Hardhome”, reviewed just down below) was truly THE episode of the season to date, and without sounding like a broken record, I’ll just say it was fucking awesome and likely the best, most well done episode of the SERIES so far. I’ll come back to that in a minute, as it provides some insight as to why this episode was what it was.

When I learned that David Nutter (the guy who directed “The Rains of Castamere” episode), was helming “Dance of Dragons”, I figured I’d have some idea of what the audience was in for, and at first glance I was slightly disappointed; but as I reflected and digested the show and all the nuances included, much was done to further certain arcs. While nothing overtly earth-shattering as the content of “Hardhome” or “The Rains of Castamere” happened, we do get some questions answered and the stage is set for the future of the show in seasons to come.

It is completely understandable that producers sought to calm the waters a little bit after “Hardhome”. This is a standard practice of toying with the emotions of the audience, AND giving us something of a breather from the drama and the action. The previous episode was so well directed, so well shot and delivered on so many different levels, “Dance” couldn’t have lived up to it in the same way.

In 5.08, we had Jon Snow coming face to face with the inevitable, with his fate, his destiny. It was dark, gritty, brutal and downright terrifying. This was his truth, his struggle. This week, we have Daenerys having that same moment, more or less. Dany has always sought to do what is best for her people, and for everyone. This season she has seen that, fire-breathing hell, sometimes a ruler has to do what they think is wrong in order to do what is right by their subjects.

Here, Dany opens the fighting pits, an act she finds reprehensible– but necessary. She finds she’s compromising herself for the betterment of those she holds dominion over. Yet despite the compromise, despite the willingness to adapt, it’s not enough. This is her reality. This is her struggle, her fate. Humanity is base, cruel, and evil. She needs to break the wheel; she needs to be the one who knocks. And to refrain from spoilers, there was a big moment here that has been hinted at for some time now this season. I found it thoroughly underwhelming and disappointing saved only by the score in the scene and the overall weight and gravity of what actually happened.

Back on the other side of the world, we have the men of Stannis’ army freezing and starving in the North, because well, Winter is Coming (Finally! Thank you “Hardhome”!). If History has taught us anything, it doesn’t bode well for anyone NOT named Melisandre when Stannis is backed into a corner. We have a major internal conflict; a personal civil war parallel with the title of the show.

Short version: “Dance of Dragons” refers to a civil war within the Targaryen family as related to Stannis by his sweetheart of a daughter, Shireen (Kelly Ingram). This mirrors the internal conflict the “Lord of Light” and “One True King of the Seven Kingdoms” faces here. Who is he? Is he the man or the king? Where does he draw that line between what he is or what he thinks he has to do? Obviously I won’t be giving any further details, but FUCK him. For real.

Jofferey was insane but a product of incest. Kinda understandable. Ramsay is a psychopath who was brought up in a very harsh environment, a product of his environment. But Stannis…can seriously go fuck himself. In perhaps the most despicable moment in the show thus far, Baratheon reveals his true colors, and, in this Disciple’s view, moves to the top of the top of the list of pieces of shit that deserve to have a face-to-face with History Channel’s Vikings‘ Ragnar Lothbrok.

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“Dance of Dragons” sets the stage for the final episode next week. We met the real Stannis, Dany met the real world, we got a pretty damn decent return and subpar CGI (especially put up against the simplicity of “Hardhome”‘s lighting and environmental effects to achieve a far more dramatic result). All things must come to an end, and in “Mother’s Mercy” next week, expect us and all our fellow clergy to be on pins and needles to see who indeed begs for mother’s mercy.

And because everyone on this show takes their medicine at some point, I predict at least one or more major characters will get some sort of comeuppance.

4 (out of 5) Charred Bodies/Bibles.

4 (out of 5) Charred Bodies/Bibles.

"Dangerous Disciple" Danny Witt @Noway

“Dangerous Disciple” Danny Witt
@Noway

 

 

 

 

 

 




Episode 8: “Hardhome” 5/31

~Be-warned, true believers, **SPOILERS** may seep out of this Traveling Nerd’s review~

Wow. What a way to take two of my favorite shows and play love child.

Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones started off similar to most of this chiefly slower season, first showing us more of Cersei’s fall from grace and Arya’s continued tutelage under the Faceless ones; but — and this is a huge BUT — GoT then switched gears and may have become one of the best 9th episodes of the series (even though it’s only an 8th). The entire backend of this new episode showed Jon Snow and the Wildlings forced to face the White Walkers in one of the most bone-crunching battles in the history the series.

“The Battle of Hardhome” was not just intense due to the harrowing action, but also with the fact of entering new geek territory. As a fellow GoT book lover, this battle showed a fight that was briefly mentioned in the most recent book, and more passed over than most. But bloody hell, the fight left Snow (Kit Harrington) in a predicament not even a Ramsay and Cersei lovechild could ever wish for.

From his initial landing on Hardhome and from his departure, JS was faced with the visuals of a lone band of men against the, at first, menacing Wildling numbers. But, then, by the end of episode, that image is reversed with intimidation again, this time by an undead mass of blue-eye’d soldiers of the White Walkers. All was not lost in Snow’s expedition to the last Wildling camp, however. Throw in some Wildlings, a giant, and a past commander’s last gift: Valerian steel that may hold more power than originally shown. Things may look dower for our fearless Lord Commander, if only he had some.. dragons to to help.

Though this may have been the best part of the episode, more happened than just a Walking Dead monster mismatch. In the lands of Meeree, Dany (Emilia Clarke) finally finds the advisership that she’s truly been deserving– and needed.

“A ruler who kills those devoted to her is not a ruler who inspires much devotion,” said the all-too loveable Tyrion (Peter Dinklage).

There hasn’t been a more fitting advice to the Dragon Queen who, let’s face it, has been in over her head for some time. Adding Tyron to her court brings something to her that she has been missing since the beginning. By episode’s end our fearless Stone suffering knight is not out for the count as of yet, either, with him returning to medieval Fight Club, and his slaver, quite admirably/stupidly.

In opposite ends of the world, our two Stark girls also had major character development, with Arya (Maisie Williams) finally taking her first mission for the Faceless god and Sansa (Jean Grey) finding out she is no longer alone in this “Stark” world with the news that Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) — or Reek, meek, or more fittingly weak — didn’t kill her two younger brothers. Arya showed true salesman skills as we see pieces of “Lana” the oyster-shucking salesgirl sent on her first assassin mission for not-Jaquen; all the while, another upstart assassin girl whispers doubt in the leader’s ear. Sansa finally shows some strong will. Yay!

In the end, “Hardhome” wasn’t just tough for our fearless Lord Commander and his Wildlings, but also for our other characters. This was easily my favorite episode of the season, and the first episode that left me on the edge of my seat without knowing the future from the books already.

5 (out of 5) Lil’ White Walker children agree!

5 (out of 5) Lil’ White Walker children agree!

"The Apostle" Lance Paul @Lance_Paul

“The Apostle” Lance Paul @Lance_Paul

 

 

 

 

 

 




Episode 7: “The Gift” 5/24

While far superior to most shows on TV, this is the first season that the previously “unsullied” Game of Thrones has been bathed with criticism. I suppose that’s what happens when the producers have to write a story that has yet to be finished. Or maybe it’s just rape. Still, being second to The Flash isn’t a bad thing, as a slower crawl of GoT still equates to riveting water cooler talk.

But let’s talk about rape, ba-by. (Future Phoenix Sophie Tuner) Sansa’s deal with Ramsay (Iwan Rheon, who I’m sure is receiving death threats as we speak) is simply horrifying, and all the more repugnant when you realize what such a schlub that Theon is (Alfie Allen, maybe the guy who should be receiving those threats). The best part in all this madness (because rape is bad, real bad) is the level of bravery that Sansa displayed; a continued confidence that will grow once the dirty bastard showrunners allow it. She might a victim, but don’t think for one second that ANY Stark will go down without a roar.

Of course, Ramsay wouldn’t be a Lord if not for his wit, so I’ll take his double swerve and justified “de-bastardizing” until the writers figure out a way to make his death a less-than-convenient one. “You can put those candles away…”

In better news, Winter finally feels here. Although it hasn’t yet officially — we need the White Walkers, dammit — “The Gift” was full of snow and Snow’s friends, with plenty of juice in arguably the series most important storyline. As Snow (Kit Harrington) gives way to Sam (John Bradley) in Wildling preparation for those Frost Zombies to arrive in 2019, Sam has himself a “wild-ling” of his own. Yup–Gilly (Hannah Murray) thanks Samwell in the best possible way for preventing even more rape on the show; when in fact, she should be thanking the showrunners for being on top.

Leave it to Melisandre (Carice van Houten) to offer Stannis (Stephen Dillane) advice nearly as appalling as the aforementioned acts of Ramsay and the Crows (great 70s band, man!), and I’m not talking about her numerous STD’s. No, the Red Fire Lady wants the Man in Castle Black to put down his own daughter–yes, the same one he finally displayed dear affection for, in one of Season 5’s few moments of glee–so she can use the family blood for her own no-guarantee sorcery. Bitch.

Speaking of bitches, the rest of the episode had plenty of them: Myrcella (Nell Tiger Free, who won’t come home to her uncle/daddy); the Sand Snakes (did NOT expect that one; holy nipples, Bronnman!); Cersei (bout.. time); and Dany (my girlfriend now refers to her former favorite GoT character as a “c**t”). But when it all comes down to capturing the “Throne” and who will eventually spend the most time sitting on it, we must talk about the latter.

Dany is treated to a frontrow seat at the royal rumble of slavery, because what would a full episode of Game of Thrones be without rape, incest, child sacrifice, cherry-popping, pussy poison, and murdering slaves! Even Jorah the White Knight can’t disrupt all the fun when he reveals his Skyrim-coslaying self and his “gift” to the Queen, knowing full well she’d rather just watch her recalcitrant fire-breathing lizards dispose of all those she despises of in the first place. Either or, we get to witness the dream match we’ve all been waiting for: Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Daenerys (Emilia Clarke). Yay!

Even showrunner David Benioff couldn’t hold this meeting — that had yet to take place in the books yet — any longer, telling Entertainment Weekly Sunday night that “we’re not going to spend four seasons in Meereen.” And thankfully the fans, too, didn’t have to wait four seasons to see if GoT would ever be great again.

Sunday’s offering was nothing short of a gift.

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

4.5 Bibles.

"Monsignor" Moody @TravMoody

“Monsignor” Moody
@TravMoody

 

 

 

 




Episode 6: “Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken” 5/17

As we crest the midway point of the season and begin our plot-spiraling descent towards the finale — and the inevitable sense of listless despair that surely awaits us all until next year’s premiere — I find myself becoming increasingly nervous that poor little Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright), sweet lumbering Hodor (Kristian Nairn), and the magical tree we left them in will (as rumored) truly not be making an appearance this season. Though my fingers are still crossed that we get a peak at what they’ve been up to in that tree in the finale itself.

We also have the privilege of spending a significant amount of time with Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) within the enigmatic halls of the house of White and Black and the ‘game of faces’. The quiet care with which this episode opens and our time with Arya throughout her scenes are utterly compelling.

Meanwhile, back at King’s Landing, the machinations of the Queen Mother Cersei (Lena Headey) are unfolding just as she planned and tensions between House Lannister and House Tyrell are being pushed to a place where open war seems a foregone conclusion. Thankfully, we get quality time with Cersei and Olenna (Diana Rigg, who certainly plays my favorite character) and the Dowager Queen Mother’s don’t disappoint.

Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) and Jorah Marmont (Iain Glen, whose concealing of the Grey Scale disease feels very Walking Dead, right?) stumble upon some new ‘friends’ after sharing awkward guy talk by the water. I’m not necessarily upset with their detour adventure but I’m going to need them to work their way back into the story-proper pretty quickly. A ten episode season simply can’t afford much luxuriating in the episodes (which I think could benefit with an extra 30-minutes). Ten ninety minute episodes isn’t asking too much!

Anyway, let’s shoot back to King’s Landing where Little Finger (Aiden Gillen) is furthering his own agenda to great success, and while he certainly can’t be trusted and is due for a reckoning I respect how well he plays the political game. We just need him to hurry back North because, while there’s only a 40% chance Winter is Coming before the season ends, there’s no doubt that Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) is having the worst time of her life with Ramsey (Iwan Rheon) while Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) looks on…

…and we shout ‘C’mon, Theon, do SOMETHING!’ at the television.

3.5 Bibles.

3 Bibles.

"The Apostate" Adam Mondschein @AdamMondschein

“The Apostate” Adam Mondschein
@AdamMondschein

 

 

 

 




Episode 5: “Kill the Boy” 5/10

No spoilers, just hints and airings of grievances. Game of Thrones, I love you, but let’s get on with it already, or make each episode 3-hours long. I could deal with that.

Welcome another day, another episode where more is talked about “winter” on its way at Castle Black. John Snow (Kit “Pryde” Harrington) declares the Night’s Watch help the people north of the wall before this Nor’easter from hell starts up, and that suggestion goes over about as well as Obama Care sign-ups at a Republican convention. But while we’re on the subject of this “winter” I’m going to sidebar: I’ve been hearing about this bullshit storm for FIVE SEASONS now, and not even a fucking hail storm has happened south of Winterfell, which leads me to believe the 7 Kingdoms are experiencing global warming too, or they’re just never actually going to get on with this winter. I also keep reading reports like “GoT Shooting in Spain!”

And I’m thinking, “IT DOESN’T SNOW THERE EITHER!”

Okay. Without giving out too many spoilers, Ms. Moon of my Life Danaerys (the looming new Sarah Connor, Emilia Clarke) plays her most intimidating card to regulate on her people, and comes to a surprising conclusion about mending fences between the freed men and slave owners in Meereen.

Also– holy shit, I haven’t looked forward to a character being killed off since Joffrey, but Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) is officially on my new hopeful hit list. He’s just a weird, twisted fucker, getting more deserving of his looming fate every minute of screen time. Tyrion (Peter “More than just the underwhelming Ghost A.I. in Destiny” Dinklage) is slowly — and still — making his way to the Dragon Age Inquisition (i.e. Meereen), and we get a better look at this Walking Dead-meets-snake-skins Greyscale thing which is honestly close to what I imagined Ebola to look like.

On a show where no character is safe from being wiped out, I try not to grow attached to many; but between Tyrion’s drunken-dwarf-quick wit, Danny and her badass dragons, and (Carice van Houten‘s) Melisandre’s absolutely PERFECT BOOBS, I’m sad that the season is already halfway over. I might actually have to read a book and *gasp* use my imagination in between this season and next.

4 Bibles, deducting a standard 0.5 every time I hear the phrase "winter is coming" without seeing even a fake fucking snowflake.

4 (out of 5) Bibles, deducting a standard 0.5 every time I hear the phrase “winter is coming” without seeing even a fake fucking snowflake.

"Abbess" Jackie -  @Jackie_Henley

“Abbess” Jackie –
@Jackie_Henley

 

 

 

 

 

 




Episode 4: “The Sons of the Harpy” 5/3

Brother Myke here to warn you that this night is dark and full of spoilers. I will do my best to shield you against such, but for an episode with so many moving pieces I fear that mine might be a task of near impossibility. This week the game has changed.

The first thing that stands out is how some of the last few weeks have started to feel like crossover episodes between two different Game of Thrones shows. Of course, last week’s moment with Sir Jorah (Iain Glen) and Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) goes a little further this episode; and there’s also a meeting between fire and ice: Melisandre (Carice van Houten), who follows no one but the Lord of the Light, and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington), whose life is based around the coming “winter”.

In a strange, fitting way, both of these interactions seem to be conflicts between idealism and practicality. Tyrion reveals the futility in Sir Jorah’s attempt at a grand gesture when he tells him that Tyrion was already on his way to see Daenerys. Melisandre, arguably the shows biggest idealist, actually takes the side of practicality as she tries to convince Snow to join Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) in taking Winterfell. Ultimately, these two scenes just further develop these already well-rounded characters by pairing them with people who have motivations that are different enough from the characters they normally interact with.

In addition to developing the characters we’ve already come to known, this episode also did a little work introducing new players to the game. This week we finally meet the Sand Snakes that Ellaria (Indira Varma) mentioned in the previous episode. Their introduction couldn’t have been handled more appropriately. After following LeBronn Jaime — Reddit’s genius nickname for Jerome Flynn and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s respective characters — through a skirmish with a few Dornish scouts, it was hard not to feel like they couldn’t take on most of Dorn. But with a crack of Nymeria’s (Jessica Henwick) whip we meet the Sand Sisters, who already know about the duo’s presence on the island. All three sisters already seem just as passionate as Oberyn (Pedro Pascal) was, thanks to a wonderfully delivered speech from Keisha Castle-Hughes (Obara Sand). It might take more than a mere sell sword and a one-armed trust fun kid to tame these serpents.

The true coup de grace of this episode, however, was also one of the most devilish moves that Cersei (Lena Headey) has ever made. Just when you thought that Cruella de Lannister was at the end of her rope she throws a Hail Mary and militarizes The Sparrows. What follows is gut-check sequence of brutality that effectively throws Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) under the hottest of fires and throws Margaery (Natalie Dormer) against the very ropes she has Cersei on. Game, Cersei.

This wildfire of idealism wasn’t only limited to Westeros, as things are near their worst in Meereen where we meet the namesakes of the episode – the Sons of the Harpy who have had it with Daenerys not letting them have their boxing matches. The ensuing fight between the Second Sons, Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson), and Sir Barristan (Ian McElhinney) had the veins of Oberyn vs. the Mountain running through it. If only these bastards saw the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, this season’s most devastating ending to the season’s most stressful scene could have been avoided. I’m pretty sure I haven’t taken another breath since the credits rolled. I need to know if Grey Worm gets to take one himself.

4.75 (out of 5) Bibles.

4.75 (out of 5) Bibles

"Brother" Myke Ladiona @onemyke

“Brother” Myke Ladiona
@onemyke

 

 

 

 

 

 




Episode 3: “The High Sparrow” 4/26

You know nothing, Jon Snow! Well, except how to be a complete and utter badass. Have no fear! Your Geek Cardinal Robert de Bexar is back to lay down some geeky truth in this week’s breakdown of the newest Game of Thrones episode.

To say that that this episode had great acting and writing would be redundant, so I’ll just leave that here and move on. This episode finally allowed Snow (Kit Harrington) to stop playing the “oh-so-cute” role (I doth quote last week’s reviewer, Priestess Eva Ceja there) and finally step out of the shadows of his “father” Ned Stark (Sean Bean) and various leaders of the Crows and into his own character. More importantly, Jon also begins to prove himself into a strong Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.

Meanwhile, in the halls of Westeros, Cersei (Lena Headey) is starting to feel the sting of karma with Margaery (Natalie Dormer) marrying not one, but two of her sons in order to stay Queen. That has got to rub Cersei the wrong way. Where this leaves Cersei by the end of the season, I cannot wait to see– especially since a Lannister always pay their debts, and she might be racking up a debt that can only be paid in one way…

Even the “weakest” of episodes and storylines are never that weak and akin to a few other geek shows out there right now, there are no such things as a throwaway line or a throwaway scene. And Tyrion’s small piece of awesomeness was no different, and neither was Brienne of Tarth’s (Gwendoline Christie). Yes, we finally find out where Iain Glen’s Jorah Mormont has been, too. The larger the setting, all the more exciting; Tyrion gets in front of Khaleesi.

Like I said, very exciting.

To say that I thought this was a really good episode would be an understatement. I love that we finally see Jon Snow come into his own character, but Sweet Jebus, can Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) be any more stupid? We know that Petyr Baelish (Aiden Gillen) is planning something so deceivingly obvious that “we the people” can do no more at home than scream. But knowing the showrunners, maybe I’m the one being toyed with.

By the end of the episode you are left hating the series because all you want to do is just sit there and marathon the entire series (legally), but nooo, you have to wait SIX. WHOLE. DAYS!!  Can you believe that?  To have to wait like some mortal person? I mean… yay for 6 days of trying to figure out what’s going to happen the rest of the season. Stupid patience…

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

"Cardinal" Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2

“Cardinal” Roberto de Bexar @RobBex2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Episode 2: “The House of Black and White” 4/19

Your Geek Priestess, Eva Ceja, is here to talk about last night’s amazing episode of Game Of Thrones. Now, that Episode 1 is out of the way, the ball is set in motion for some fun and exciting things this season. I am not going to mention any spoilers, because that would be rude. However, Arya is back! Along with some new fresh faces.

This episode was crazy well-acted, per usual.

Episode 2 focuses heavily on my favorite troublemaker, Arya Stark (Maisie Williams), the crazy and wild Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie), and of course the oh-so-cute and dashing Jon Snow (Kit Harington). Of course, who could leave out the devious Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) plot lines… Everyone should know from last season of her hatred and loathing of her very own “little” brother, Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), so much so to even put a price on his head. This gives way to some usual carnage, that, is a bit funny if you have a dark sense of humor such as myself. OFF WITH HIS…oh, you know

Lest we not forget my love for Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). He really keeps his head on straight when Cersei is straight up trippin’. Brother and Sister they may be, but…damn. They really make a good couple, huh? Can I get an A-men? Anyone? (*crickets*) No? Too weird? Okay, moving on…

This episode, Oberyn’s brother Doran (Alexander Siddig) makes an appearance along with Oberyn’s hottie lover Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma)…. and all I have to say is that you don’t want to mess with the “Sand” people. It doesn’t matter what world you are in Westeros, Star Wars, etc…. the tribe that has “sand” as a surname are not people to barter or sit down for a chat over some world peace. Those peeps will shank you with the toothbrush they borrowed from you.

Let that be your tip for the week. You’re.. welcome.

It’s really astonishing how there are really only 3 main writers — David Benioff, D.B.Weiss (whom are also creators) and  George R.R. Martin — that keep this show in tact in the writer’s room. To handle this much story line, plot, and still keep fans on the edge of their seat is mind-blowing…. and every week I feel like I get blown. Hard. Wait, there is a double meaning in that.

Keep coming Game of Thrones. Keep it coming. Come. Come. Come. Oh, so hard.

There was only one meaning that I meant.

4.5 Bibles.

4.5 Bibles.

"The Priestess" Eva Ceja - @evaceja

“The Priestess” Eva Ceja – @evaceja

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Episode 1: “The Wars to Come” – 4/13

When You Play the game of Thrones… You Wait… Forever.

Mark Addy and Lena Hedey grow impatient

Mark Addy and Lena Hedley grow impatient.

The long awaited 5th Season is finally here, and if you’re worried about spoilers, worry not, my friend: this “Dangerous Disciple”, Danny Witt, will review this episode as free of spoilers as possible.

With the tensions being as high as they were after the season 4 finale, fans have been clamoring for this season to start, and for the characters we’ve come to loathe or love to continue their epic journeys. With a title of “The Wars to Come”, one can get the feel that this episode will be setting the stage for grand things to come, but with that being said, not all that much happens here to really further anything all that drastically. I realize that this is only the first episode in what is sure to be an incredible season, but with the rumor of HBO looking to get ten seasons out of the source material, there is a fear that things will really begin to bog down and drag a little.

In any case, the first episode was very solid, well directed and acted. It focuses heavily on Jon Snow (Kit Harrington), Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), and Daenerys Targeryen (Emilia Clarke) — arguably three of the biggest fan favorites — and how things have changed for them since we last left them. Lots of key dialogue, great character moments, and some serious seeds being planted as to the direction this season and perhaps the rest of the series will take. It seems as if our characters will be presented with choices this season- mostly having to do with who they CAN be.

Obviously Tyrion will never be king, but how valuable could he be to a leader who would respect him and his knowledge? Obviously as a bastard Jon Snow can only go so far in Westeros, but with the problems looming on his horizon, problems that are bigger than the terms ‘highborn’ or ‘bastard’, what does he bring to the table? (For all my fellow ASOIAF readers, R+L=J..am I right?!)

Season 4, more or less, saw the conclusion of many story arcs that had begun in the first season. What we are dealing with now and going forward are new adventures. Sure, most of them are branching off the events of previous seasons, but we are going to see new interactions, new locations, and new sets of problems that may be well out our heroes and villain’s wheelhouses. How will Tyrion deal in a land where the name Lannister doesn’t carry any weight whatsoever? How is Cersei (Lena Headey) going to cope without her father to back her play, and with the very fetching Margery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) gunning to take her place as the most powerful woman in Westeros? Does ruling suit Daenerys now that she’s no longer really a conqueror and she has to deal with political intrigue? Does Jon Snow really know nothing? Can’t forget about dear Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) either.

Don’t expect this episode to be a rip-roaring suspense thriller, but more of a calm before the storm– rather, the calm before The Wars to Come.

4 Bibles.

4 (out of 5) Bibles.

Danny “Dangerous Disciple” IG @danielw_w

Danny “Dangerous Disciple”
IG @danielw_w

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