RINGSIDE APOSTLES [Shooting Star Press, Vol. II]: Best BOlieve it’s ‘Payback’!

Chicago. If it weren’t for our “Reverend” Joe’s beloved Blackhawks, it’d be one hell of a time to represent “The Windy City”!

Sure, the Rose-less Bulls — and I’m not talking Adam — aren’t playing in South Beach against the Heat, the White Sox are under .500, and the Cubs… well, you know better than that. Still, Michael Jordan’s OG sneaker the “Carmine 6″ dropped this past weekend, the hotly-anticipated Watch_Dogs game released yesterday, hell, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian tied the knot (leaving all of us normal folk alone) and this Sunday, the WWE will hold their monthly Pay-Per-View PAYBACK at the All-State Arena.

That’s a pretty good month for the Chi. With that, welcome to the Shooting Star Press, Volume II. I’m Moses Lee, taking over the reigns of the Ringside Apostles, while we give the rest of the gang the week off (other than yet another chillingly fantastic YouTube flick from our own “Bishop” Wyatt right here!)

PREDICTING THE PAYBACK

Above all else, the current WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan, will likely need to turn the title over. Why does he have to be a petulant child about this? He got hurt, and can’t defend the title; therefore, he should forfeit the title with the stipulation that he gets a title shot as soon as he gets back. It seems reasonable. Also, it would be good form to save his wife’s job too. But why does Stephanie McMahon have to threaten to take his wife’s job away when– oh, that’s right: She’s a bitch.

—I. Last Man Standing Match—
John Cena Vs. Bray Wyatt

Only in Genesis…

We need some blood, lots of blood — or just something a little more intense than the last 2 matches. With John Cena winning the first one cleanly at Wrestlemania, the other involved Wyatt winning with the aid of a mysterious demon child that was eventually cast as “Young Bruce Wayne” in the new series, Gotham. (We kid.) Wyatt looked weak and vulnerable in both.

Why is Cena even worried? He’s indestructible and knows it.

Did this feud need three matches to draw this conclusion? I’m afraid that after Monday night, in which the illustrious story tellers declared Bray Wyatt to be “exposed for who he is”, we are just going to get the the 3rd installment of Cena prevailing against all odds.

Yup. Cue Phil Collins—>>>>>

By the way, it is hard to declare yourself a God and continually have your ass handed to you by ole boy, Cena. Maybe it’s best to think of Bray as a lesser deity. Let’s say Pan the God of Goatherds and Shepherds. This could be a nice easy transition if things don’t work out for him as the all knowing, all powerful, Old testament God he aspires to be.

Winner: John Cena via several Attitude Adjustments on ramps, floors, tables, and eventually into a vat of acid left carelessly under the ring. Afterwards, Cena goes on as if nothing has changed. 2 possibilities for Bray. He either ascends to heaven before our very eyes — ala ‘Taker/Yokozuna — or he wakes up wondering what happened over the past year (was it a bad dream) and becomes born again.

(Flip the page for more Payback Predictions!)