Okay. Now that I’ve finally gotten Troy Baker and Saints Row IV out of my system (at least for now, congregants), it’s on to more video games from the Con.

No one impressed my panel-attending pleasure more than Ubisoft, who laid out the grid with a trio of fresh-to-deaths: Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag, a sneak peek demo of Watch_Dogs, and the newly acquired/much delayed South Park: The Stick of Truth — definitely not one of those forgettable mini’s that you find on Xbox Live.

This RPGer, entirely produced by “South Park” creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, is bigger, longer and even more uncut than you think.

But, let’s start with Watch_Dogs. The Rev was treated to some exclusive gameplay footage that only lucky Conheads — supposedly! — will get to see for a few months. I’m not going to spoil it for you, though, because we were all sworn to secrecy (in what looks to be a trend at #SDCC this year, “no notes or cell phones allowed during this recording”). Intriguingly so, when you kill someone in WD, your protagonist’s face gets blown up all over the news, and it’s your job to make a break before people start fingering you (heyo!). Watch_Dogs is nonetheless intense!

Now, before I get into the Assassin’s Creed panel (which I got into, using someone else’s p… oh wait!), I’d like to relay a bit of a note that AC and Dogs are NOT in the same universe. Sure, both games come strikingly familiar in terms of high-tech memory functions and sleek character models; but unfortunately, there is no connection. That was actually one of the first questions asked at the AC panel, and I could tell that the guys at Ubi get asked that a lot.

Yeah. I was bummed, too.

The good news is that the 6th entry into the AC franchise looks to be Ubisoft’s most entertaining and intuitive. Taking the stage for the Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag panel was creative screenwriter Darby McDevitt, voice actor Matt Ryan (thankfully not the Falcons Pro Bowl QB who just signed for $100 mill, or Moody would have had my ass), AC comic writer Brenden Fletcher, and the one and only Todd McFarlane (a man who needs no introduction). If you need an introduction for Todd, then what are you even doing reading this article!

Of course, McFarlane was there to introduce attendees to yet another action figure line, this time for Assassin’s Creed. In addition to the special edition art that the Spawn creator supplied, these toys will come with unlockable codes. I guess it’s “shut up and take my money” time, as if I hadn’t already spent so much moolah at the Con as it is! The new gameplay footage…

…was narrated by Ryan in the panel, who delved more into our new protagonist Edward Kenway. And Mr. Kenway could very well be the most interesting assassin of the bunch. A pirate. A rogue. A complete fucking badass. Johnny Depp couldn’t have said it better, “Pirates were the rock stars of their time.”

Unfortunately, “Matty Ice” didn’t binge on any rum in order to get into character. Ryan did describe — as fans were able to witness the latest assassin slice through soldiers with dual blades on the big screen — Kenway as “fierce, brash, charismatic, says whatever the hell he wants, and has a way with the ladies.” Looks like this assassin-trained pirate is a hero who pretty much flips the bird to Brotherhood!

Team Edward, all the way…

I know, I know. Typical pop culture freak saving the best for last. But I’m willing to bet not too many panels entertained more than that of South Park: The Stick of Truth! It’s every “South Park”-watching knumbnut’s dream to have a game created in its entirety by the show’s creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Since the self-titled South Park game — for Nintendo 64 and PlayStation nonetheless — sucked, these fools weren’t about to let anyone destroy their baby again. And, since the geniuses behind “The Book of Mormon” are hardcore role-playing gamers themselves, it was a no brainer to make their very own Skyrim. You know, the type of RPG that would have legal and consensual sex with… Earthbound, Paper Mario and Zelda (who, you know, I wouldn’t mind having legal and consens… Shit!).

…and not a “Troy Baker” in sight.

Even more fun than the possibilities of controlling your own analog farts, was watching these two guys play off the panel like The Stick was going to suck! “Yeah, let’s make a video game, because…that’s easy,” cued Trey Parker, who you couldn’t blame — after 10-years of Stick‘s gaming development – for being just a bit facetious. After labeling South Park: The Stick of Truth ”authentic crappiness” to screw with roommates/friends/grandmoms who couldn’t tell the difference between the game and the show, the creators went into a fighting frenzy with fans. “In fact, no questions about the game at all. Or ‘South Park’. Or ‘Book of Mormon’. Hey, anyone seen Battleship? What a bunch of nonsense…”

Matt Stone, continued the triviality. “Who wants to talk about BASEketball?”

After relaying bits and pieces of actual Stick info like: A.) A create-your-own protaganist who remains silent through the game, B.) Wildly popular songs from the show will be in the game, and C.) The game offers a first ever map of South Park, it was back to messing with the fans. You know, for evergreen questions like, “Is [Towelly? Chef Vader?] going to be in TSOT?”

At least SOMEONE was there.

“DLC!” was the answer, of course. Or, better yet, “Hey, [we] didn’t think of that… I guess we’re gonna have to push the game back eight months!” But, hands down, my favorite question of the day was when a female fan asked, “Will you be able to play the character as a girl?” Trey Parker: “When you beat the Abortion Clinic level, yes. You will be able to play as a girl.” It honestly didn’t matter if they were talking about the game, or just fucking off the entire hour. Just sitting in the room next to these two rock stars appeared to be enough entertainment for everyone in 6BCF.

Oh yeah, why isn’t there any Mint-Berry Crunch cereal? Trey: “Yeah, because that’s fuckin’ easy. Umm…DLC! And, yes, Chef makes an appearance!”

You can catch an all-new season of “South Park” starting Wednesday, September 25th (with Bill Hader as lead writer). Ubisoft’s South Park: The Stick of Truth is (finally) set for release November 19. #fullretard

• If you followed the path behind the Convention Center, you would have found the reason behind all the random Assassin’s Creed graffiti throughout the area: a giant, life-sized, fully functional Pirate Ship. The line was incredibly long by the time our “Minister” Gabe Carrasco got to it, and he didn’t feel like waiting. Hey, guess not everyone is as excited for Black Flag as you and I. Also, anyone else hear about the “real life” Assassin parkouring through Con?

• Without a doubt, the absolute best way to close out Comic-Con each and every year is in the Xbox Lounge. Sure, they changed locations (from the Hard Rock to the Hyatt), they now only allow those with CC badges (if you’re good at playing the badge-switch game like we did, you shouldn’t have a problem sneaking someone in), and the place is def far more glitz and glamour than years past (Halo action figures in a glass case, huge demo screens, less seating). I was, however, able to play a quick demo of Ryse for the Xbox One. Granted, a very short demo, but I can tell you the Rev got a bit of a rush from hacking up other soldiers (QTE or not), commanding my troops into the phalanx formation, and launching a shitload of javelins. Shouting commands to your men via Kinect wasn’t available, unfortunately.

• According to some panel notes from Monsignor Moody (who was too lazy to do a write-up, I guess. Thanks, T!) for Ryse: Son of Rome, Crytek’s idea for the Xbox One title began as a medieval Kinect-only game until the next-gen system was announced. The story then switched over to that of a Roman Legionnaire on a vengeful Batman-like crusade, with a twist; meaning the “game within a movie within a game” is none too dissimilar to that of Assassin’s Creed, all the while the gameplay feels like your playing Frank Miller/Zach Snyder’s 300! The new tech of Xbox One also allowed for a higher fidelity and 3-d characters, marrying a unique art deco style with classic Rome. While the game will, of course, take many “artistic licenses” to tell its story, Ryse will also be contain as much accurate historical data as possible. Crytek also used performance capture actors from a studio ran by Andy Serkis (Lord of the Rings, Rise of the Planet of the Apes), which has many strong talents from both “Viking” and “Game of Thrones.” Wowzuh!