SUPER MARIO 3D WORLD [Review]: Stomping the ‘Top Ten’.

OK, so I just finished reading the Top 10 Video Games of 2013 blog and I have just one question…

Where is the Wii U?????

I know what you’re thinking at this point: who cares? And before you throw your laptop against the wall screaming in rage, or drown it in drunken tears of laughter (because, yes — at least today — I am putting the Nintendo Wii U on the same level of the new “Big 2″), take a quick look at what the latest clergygeek has to say. Do you really have anything better to do right now anyway?

Looking at the line-up of games released thus far for next-gen, probably not.

Hey, at least the Wii U comes with 3 screens… eh?

Let’s start off with the fact that your boy is a PlayStation and PC fanatic. Hell, I built a PC for the sole reason of severe impatience, for the next-gen consoles took a bit too long to come out for my liking (better graphics make me happier than Miley Cyrus around construction equipment and giant teddy bears). So why would I even mess with the Wii U anyways, you ask? Why care about the Wii U when the next-gen systems have so much more oomph? A couple of reasons, really: One, because like every other gamer in their late twenties and on, we all had a NES. Two… because I have kids!!!

But that doesn’t mean that the Wii U is only for the family guy. Because look, folks, you’re not at all “hardcore” ’til you’ve messed with one particular gem that should have made GHG’s Top 10 list: Super Mario 3D World. Truth is, most of us have spent countless hours scouring the levels of Mario games on the classic systems when we were kids. If not, then either you’re either a wiz at Frogger, or perhaps one of those brats who had an iPad before your first book.

Tough loss.

Sony & Microsoft can’t stop him; they only hope to contain him.

When the new Super Mario 3D World disk first went into the household Wii U, I expected to walk away and just glance at the screen every now and then while my son played. This new congregant had no idea what he just got himself into: glorious memories of wired controllers and bulky TV’s. But as soon as I picked up that gamepad and took control of the little red mushroom-eating plumber, I was hooked.

Mario 3D takes the classic side-scrolling action and adds a slightly new third dimension, creating a unique Mario game that will keep you entertained for hours. The levels are challenging, and collecting green stars would cause even GHG’s resident gaming guru, Rev Rivera, to start pulling out all of his wonderful hair. Combine that, with new power-ups like a cat suit (yes, prrrr..) and the return of the cherry from Super Mario Bros. 2 (with a unique twist this time around) — and you’ll sure to be grinning at the screen for hours.

No longer a super secret fetish.

The Wii U gamepad takes a pivotal role in gameplay, as well, from levels that require its use (Captain Toad!) to using the touchscreen to find hidden items; to even blowing into the microphone, which creates a wind that will whisk you to higher platforms with secrets and coins (like, hopefully enough money to get you some Listerine).

Multiplayer mode actually makes the game more difficult if either your pal’s always reliable Luigi, floating Peach or speedy Toad decides to jump and toss your Mario around (my kid killed me countless times doing this). Because although the mode has you working together technically, the player with the most points at the end of the round is awarded with a crown, painting a big fat bullseye on your rival’s back. Wait, you say there’s a Mario game without the “Kart” or “Smash” in the title getting vicious?

Hell yeah.

Along with all its chaotic pleasure, it was especially wonderful to win bragging rights over my son — who consequently stopped talking to me until I suggested we trade in Mario 3D for some Rayman thingamajig (..eww).

The 3D Life Aquatic with Mario Zissou.

The boss battles are completely different from past Mario games, too. You still have to defeat Bowser and his brat kids, but the castles are crazy fun. They even take elements from our childhood games, upgrade them with HD graphics (sure, it’s not 1080p, but neither is COD: Ghosts) and twist them in zany, challenging ways. There are also other elements from past Mario games that appear as you play, from the original all the way to the Super Mario 3D Land and Super Mario Galaxy 2. Half the fun was playing and catching all of the retro-Mario gems that randomly surprised me like a “get off that video game and go outside” slap to the back of the head. Now, take my advice and jump in the nearest warp-pipe to your local game store and give this game a go.

As for.. ahem.. GodHatesGeeks, maybe it is time for that someone to come along and represent the little people of the church, you know, the people of the Wii U and the mighty PC. A boogie knight in shining armor, if you will. A protector of the little people, to ensure you are never again forgotten.

You can call me Mark “Templar,” and this has been Super Mario World.. 3D.

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

• With the upcoming release of Wii U-only titles Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, Mario Kart 8, and Super Smash Bros it only appears like an exciting year for Nintendo fans. Also remember, Zelda games are Nintendo-only! With Hyrule Warriors (A Zelda take on Dynasty Warriors) and even — finally — Zelda Wii U in the works, how can anyone with this sytem not be excited? My advice to you all: sure, get yourself a PS4 or an X1 (because you’re gonna go get one anyway), but definitely snatch yourself a Wii U as well. It is a unique fun-filled system that can entertain anyone. Admit it to yourself; you WANT to play the newer HD versions of games from your childhood. So, go ahead… There, didn’t that feel good?