Now, before I get on with this review, the Reverend would like to quickly touch upon Saints Row‘s previous three games. Those of you who know me, know that I can’t get enough of the open world franchise’s manic mayhem. But, to be completely honest with you (as if our holy church of geekdom would go about it any other way), the Rev didn’t get into SR until the summer of 2011, when trailers for SR: The Third flooded all video game sites and every bit of social media. I originally steered clear of the apparent Grand Theft Auto knock-offs — with their then sole focus on urban gang wars — and that proved a mistake.

A mistake I intended no longer to make.

Don’t get me wrong; I still and will always enjoy playing SR 1 and 2. However, when the third Row was released, I couldn’t help but nerdgasm to the fact that this shit was about to get full-retard.

And by full-retard, I’m talking what the Volition development team accomplished within their open sandbox:

-Call in airstrikes on rival gangs.

-Base-jump in the nude.

-Smack people with giant purple dildos.

Thus, it will forever remain one of my favorite games of all time.

So, when Volition said that Saints Row IV was going to have to take even further over-the-top than its predecessor, I was thinking to myself just how in the bloody hell would this become possible (English accent and all, I swear.) Sure enough, they went and proved me wrong.

Not one of my character creations, I can assure you.

Narrated by Jane Austen (yes, Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen), the story starts off where you, as the Boss (voiced by the one and only Troy Baker), lead the Saints to stop a terrorist group in the Middle East from launching a nuke on Washington D.C. (at this point, you kinda just have to go with it). As the nuke gets launched, you quickly jump on like Major Kong; and as you disable it, the game goes all Michael Bay with Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” busting through the background. And, you’re probably singing this in your head right now, aren’t you?

Aren’t you?

Yes, you. Over there…

Stop lying.

Fast forward about five years and you are now the Mother#$%^&*@ President of the United States, along with the rest of the Saints as your cabinet (including the option of an online pal, in case you want to co-op). Suddenly, out of nowhere (well, somewhere, just not sure where), aliens known as the Zin invade the White House — now known as the “White Crib,” complete with stripper poles — abducting you and your entire team. No anal probing, surprisingly. You fortunately-unfortunate peeps are then placed in a virtual reality Steelport. Thus, it’s up to you, your hacker colleague Kinzie, and Vice President Keith David (masterfully playing himself) to free your team, create absolute chaos with your new superpowers, and show Emperor Zinyak that he just fucked with the wrong “puckish rogue.”

Since most of the SR4 takes place in a virtual world like The Matrix, you get to break all the laws of reality. Instead of “with great power, comes great responsibility,” it’s more like “with great power, I can do whatever the ‘F’ I want because I’m insanely awesome (tossin’ up them middle fingers like 2Pac)!”

Steelport is the new Compton. Or Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh.

Throughout the game — which has no problem alien comboing SR3 with Crackdown — you’ll accumulate various superpowers such as super jump, super speed, telekinesis, and fire balls, which are upgradeable as you progress to become the ultimate badass. There are no bounds in the virtual Steelport. Find yourself outgunned by army of aliens? Not much of an issue when you can just take ‘em out with your super stomp, all the while listening to Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.” Or better yet, start causing city mayhem with an alien tank or the mech suit, while listening to EMF’s “Unbelievable.” Oh, it’s like a sci-fi’d out VH1 “I Love the 90s!” Of course, there are a shitload of new weapons to choose from such as the Black Hole Gun (which.. you guessed it!) and the Inflato Ray (which inflates your enemies to the point where their bodies explode). Fun times! However, I found myself using the Dubstep Gun more often than any. It’s a gun that blasts flashing neon lights and dubstep music at your enemies.

See kids, Volition proved that listening to too much of that horrendous music will kill you.

Being ridiculously superpowered and using insane alien weapons are not all what makes SR4 so enjoyable. The game’s many parodies are just as great, including sci-fi fanboy homages to their pistol upgrades (Blade Runner, “Firefly”). In addition to all of the Hollywood nods and soundtrack bliss, there’s plenty of odes to great games too, such as inFamous and Prototype (the super powered gameplay element), and the Monsignor’s all-time fav, Mass Effect (by the way you interact with your team on the spaceship, not to mention romance them).

Boss: “Hey Kinzie, wanna fuck?” Kinzie punches you in the face, and then jumps on you.

Kinzie: “Let’s do this!”

(Must be all that pent-up frustration Kinzie and the Boss have from arguing like a married couple.. the entire damn game.)

Some of the tougher enemies include Lookie Lou.

But, nothing bats the homage to a film I actually had the privelage of screening and Q&A-covering earlier this year (which you can read right here), John Carpenter’s They Live. Oh, the irony! The game actually turnbuckle tosses in legendary WWF wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (and his actual voice) to re-enact his infamous fight scene with Keith David. WTF!?!? I mean.. David guest stars, and aliens are the bad guys. Why the hell not?

Oh, and, if you didn’t bother doing too much crazy character editing, or browsing online for hours at some of the many insane creations (a major plus for this 4th installment) Roddy Piper can then be used as a fellow Homeboy.

Hell, that’s not even the half of the humor that Saints Row IV has to offer. There’s a part where players will earn their Transformers moment by listening to “The Touch” from Stan Bush, all the while suiting up as the Iron Saint. Better yet, you start singing along to Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract,” and try to get Kinzie to sing along with you, but she just tells you to…do something terrible to yourself. There’s a sense of nostalgia from this soundtrack that is comparable to none other.

Don’t worry, baby; it was just a phase. He barely mentioned me in this review, anyway…

Sure, while the fanboy in me has taken over much of this review (don’t worry; it’s not even close to the highest rated on the net), I’m not going to lie about the graphics. They’re merely passable. But, maybe that’s why this fun-ass game was tucked away in the darkest cornest at E3, or perhaps I’m only noticing these defencies now because of the looming next-gen.

But, dudes and dudettes of the congregation, you’re not picking up a Saints Row game for the graphics, now, are ya? Of course not. None of the prettier games on the market could ever match up with the franchise’s out-of-this-world/out-of-your-mind zaniness. So, one bible falls off the alter. No biggie. Either way, Saints Row IV exceeds some very lofty expectations following the sheer insanity of Saints Row: The Third. Hell, due to this fourth entry, I’ve been intensely sleep-deprived, living off little more than energy drinks (if only they sold Saints Flow in stores) with a mind so warped, I keep having dreams that I’m buck-naked, blasting aliens asshats while shitty EDM was playing in the background.

How’s that for an impression? Through four mighty games, Volition has chucked over street gangs, zombies, and aliens… Whatever’s next, you can bet the Rev will be amped and ready to go #fullretard once again.

And to think I only mentioned Troy Baker once. Okay. Now twice.

Dammit, Troy.

Okay, now thr…

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles. Half-ass graphics aside, this is one of the Year’s Top 3 Games!

Deep Silver’s Saints Row IV is currently in stores, wherever good PC, PlayStation3, and Xbox 360 games are sold.

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The obvious reason being that this 6th console Splinter Cell — the 3rd and perhaps last of the current gen — is once again put out by Ubisoft, the company that sets the standard in video game development. The next reason is that Blacklist is a return to nonlethal stealth, following a few scary years of artillery-heavy gameplay and several delays following E3 2-years ago (perhaps concerning Splinter Cell‘s latest direction). Thankfully, the latest edition performs like a greatest hits in terms of hide-and-seek destroying. Sure, there are less environmental kills (you won’t see any more of those cool hanging-from-the-chandelier attacks), but the oil drums and fire extinguishers are still there to blow (just loved cat-calling a “heavy” right into a shot-up damper).

Sam Fisher is also more athletic and nimble this time around, breathlessly gliding from metal grate to air vent, to even cliffs, with ease. That’s not to say Blacklist isn’t realistic. Sam coughs up plenty of heavy breaths once caught in one of many freakish firestorms, if you’re not exactly smart enough at being incognito throughout the game, of course. And lest we remind you, this isn’t Call of Duty (despite the game switching to 1st person during the Briggs non-optional missions). Most times, even with the heaviest Kevlar suits, Fisher can’t be hit with more than one bullet — or even take more than one or two melee strikes — especially if played on the harder difficulties, Realist and Perfectionist.

Thankfully, Blacklist offers some pretty intense customization across the board. You upgrade guns, gadgets and armor (the choice of infra-color is cool, which also light up when in darkness, as is the healthy choice of both Sonar and NVG goggles) towards any game mode with doe earned from several ShadowNet challenges, such as putting 3 or more guards to sleep with gas (not the type your favorite Monsignor has after a mean steak-and-cheese, either), or stunning 50+ soldiers with your crossbow. It’s good the rewards are very high, as you garner points for going Ghost (nonlethal stealth), walking with a Panther (a mix of stealth and action), and full-out Assault (exactly as it sounds), because everything seems expensive; especially, when you realize you can also custom up the plane to give you more ammo during mission drop-offs, or offer more intense weapon choices, such as laser-pointer Subs from the black market.

Last time I let these guys into my restaurant.

There were several frustrating parts/checkpoints during the campaign, and some were even my fault, like running around a metal grated stairway to hell for nearly an hour until I realized I could toss one of the guards through the door. You know, since he had the security pass on him. It was pretty hilarious, and gave me a moment to smile in a game full of terror and Tom Clancy-heavy techno-dump.

As a political thriller, you’ve read, watched or played this all before. Blacklist offers no origin tales, or getting-to-know-you stories. Even the villain doesn’t come off as appealing as, say, Raul Menendez in COD: BO2. No, the game is primarily about the special forces business and the worldwide terrorism at hand. Although the acting during the cutscenes is cool, they primarily take place in an aircraft command center with a bunch of folks bickering (which is also where the “menu” takes place, which is rather tight). But, hey, at least running through glass and quickly fast-roping away from a horde of enemies is exhilarating and most of the locations are appealing (“Go” to Denver!), if not exactly wondrous (Splinter Cell: Blacklist requires 2 discs, with multiplayer and an additional HD textures upgrade on the second disc).

How romantic…

This side of an adrenaline-gushing escape from Guantanamo Bay — a first for gaming, in fact — the game offers much your typical spy-gaming situations. Sure, there are beautiful moon skylights by the coast, and cool railroad tracks you can plunder enemies into; but you’ll undoubtedly shout “of course” when there are folks to be saved on yet another damn video game subway line, and have to play “shotgun supervisor” to a gazillion enemies through numerous Goldeneyesque cubicle offices.

Less fun, is the fact Ubisoft didn’t strike a deal with the legendary Michael Ironside, the classic voice of Sam Fisher. Things don’t take long for Eric Johnson‘s new role to feel awkward, either, when an early level grants Fisher a call from his twentysomethings daughter — and both sound around the same age. Yikes. By now, our favorite spy this side of James Bond and Solid Snake is supposed to sound almost halfway to the century mark, but at least in the case of Blacklist, that just ain’t happening. And, since Blacklist is no Convinction, Johnson gets away with merely doing an admirable job. A lot of the script is spread among his crew, except when you’re able to brilliantly whisper and harass guards with the select button. Players can lure dudes into a room by flicking the lights or shooting up computers; toss sticky cameras (that will make either weird alien noises, or even purr like a kitten for surrounding attack dogs); pilot air-drones that can both detonate and send electric shock; stealth neck-slice or snap-mare foes to sleep; and even light up guards with their own explosive remote drones.

Being stealthy is very healthy!

I only peeked into the woman’s shower once, ALL RIGHT?!?

Finally, Splinter Cell just wouldn’t be Blacklist without playing the same cat-and-mouse games with enemies — with your split-screen buddy, online girlfriend, or vengeful grandma. The campaign offers four option 4E Briggs Missions (running and rocketeering), which can be be played either open-sandbox style or actual co-op. There’s more from the Four Echelon crew, with the hacker Charlie’s enemy wave mission, or ops-manager Grim’s ghosting requests. Better yet, is the return of Spies vs. Mercs, where players can go 2 vs. 2 via original Xbox and PS2′s Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow or 4 vs. 4, which is new to the series. Basically, you go and hack the terminals and your friends or online enemies try to mow you down. Seeing how I suck at multiplayer COD and enjoy being very stealthy (Assassin’s Creed, Far Cry 3 and Dishonored are just a few of my favorites), there’s going to be plenty of hours spent on this mode…even after I pick up an Xbox One.

Speaking of next-gen, it’s not hard to see why Spies vs. Mercs was the most popular news concerning SC: Blacklist coming out of this past June’s E3. With Ubisoft doing their damnedest to show off their higher resolution tyrants, Watch_Dogs, AC4, The Division, and The Crew at the conference, the new-and-somewhat-improved Splinter Cell just had to take a backseat. But, if you’re like me and miss a good ol’ game of cat n’ mouse, or just the original stealthiness of Splinter Cell (2002) and Chaos Theaory (2005), the Blacklist package may be worthy of not only the attention of the company line, but yours, too.

Surprise.

Splinter Cell:Blacklist, released on the Xbox 360, PS3, PC, and Wii-U platforms, is in stores now.

3.5 (out of 5) Bibles = Worth a buy, if you’re a spy!

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Well if that’s the case, I throw my vote in for Naughty Dog’s newest masterpiece The Last of Us. I went in thinking this was a good old-fashioned zombie shoot ‘em up game, but boy was I wrong.

The Last of Us takes place about two decades after a plague has transformed the majority of the population into crustacean-like creatures bent on violently killing anything that isn’t one of them. We follow Joel, who after going through a terrible tragedy at the beginning of the outbreak finds himself now having to smuggle the 14-year old Ellie across the country. On their way, they not only have to fight those infected with the plague, but government officials, rebel movements, and groups of people who are just trying to survive.

These infected things go through a few different stages of the contamination taking over their bodies, so there are very different ways you have to deal with those who are at different stages of the disease. You can’t just run in shooting, you have to sit there, look through your supplies, and think of the best possible way to get through the area. And these monsters are pretty terrifying too. ‘Runners’ are infected that are just starting off, so they look mainly human, but are usually creeping up in one spot mumbling and crying to themselves as they slowly lose their shit. But if they become aware of you, well… let’s just say they don’t call them darn runners for nothin’. The primary antagonists you’ll see all over the place are ‘Clickers’. The infection has grown into their skull, and covered their eyes, so they’re blind, but they’re constantly clicking, using echolocation to find you, and rip your larynx out.

There are others, but the infected aren’t even the worst of your problems.

Just another evening on Landsdowne following a Sox/Yankees game.

The non-infected humans are just as bad, if not worse, since they have all their senses and logic intact, and are usually actively hunting you. It’s all very “Walking Dead”, where these infected things are more of a very dangerous inconvenience, while the human population are the real threats. At 20-years in, everyone has either had their entire lives ripped away from them, or were just born into this terrible world, giving them nothing to lose.

Probably my favorite thing about the game is the way the controls and gameplay actually make sense. Unlike most protagonists in gaming, Joel doesn’t have amazing Wolverine-powers, like automatically beginning to heal after being wounded. You have to physically go and find a health kit in the ruins of the cities. If you can’t find one, then you’ll have to make one using the alcohol and rags you find throughout the game. And Joel doesn’t just select it and feel all better, it takes real-time to pull it out, and actually apply it to your wounds, which is a lot more stressful when you’re being shot at, or an infected human is running towards you. There are a bunch of other instances where gameplay mechanics make actual, real-world sense, and these all add to the game’s amazing realism, and the player’s sense of constant anxiety.

And the anxiety! There was a point in the game where I was trying to sneak past a room PACKED with clickers and runners. Unfortunately the last one noticed me, and screamed at me (alerting the others). So I just booked it to the exit. Once I got to the next room, two or three other clickers were waiting for me. I then panicked, emptied my shotgun into them, and was finally able to breathe for the first time in about 10-minutes. I haven’t felt this level of anxiety since I was a tike coursing through the original Resident Evil‘s.

It’s as if I nearly forgot what it was like to be that scared by a video game not named Star Trek!

If you see anyone wearing anything “Microsoft,” doesn’t hesitate to pull…

This brings us into the cinematic aspect of The Last of Us. The acting on this game is awesome. Seriously, better than most movies I’ve seen lately, this side of Fast & the Furious 19. Ha! This Minister genuinely sympathizes with both Joel and Ellie, and during different parts of the game, have had to play as both. Naughty Dog nailed what an AI video game companion should be. Ellie is helpful in a fight (similar to Bioshock Infinite’s Elizabeth), doesn’t die easily, and her sarcastic wit is wildly entertaining (even if it pisses off Miss Paige). She also serves as a great fresh set of eyes on this destroyed wasteland of a world — since it’s the first time she’s been out of the quarantine gates. Instead of just blindly following around your general movements throughout the game, Ellie walks into a house or other abandoned building with you, and inspects different elements of the area, with her own usual commentary.

This type of dynamism turns some already excellent gameplay into blissful cinema. I once lost track of Lil’ El for a second in a new town, turned around and she was looking at an ice cream truck, and then asked what it was. The dialogue from there was literally explaining “Yes Ellie, before the infection people used to literally drive around in a truck, and sell ice cream out of it.” The world we take advantage of today being so alien to her can only make us sympathize.

However, there’s more cursing coming out of that 14-year old’s mouth than a Reverend Rivera blogcast. Usually, profanity in games and movies nowadays feels pretty forced, like the director is trying to be “fucking cool” or whatever, but when a Clicker pops out of nowhere, the only realistic response is.. “Oh, fizzuck!” My favorite Ellie quote in the game actually isn’t her cursing, but whenever you overkill either an infected, or a human, homegirl just shouts, “Jesus, Joel!”

Hmm.. Fall River never looked so good.

It just sounds so genuinely like “What the fuck, man? Was that really necessary??”

–and by the way, Yes. Yes it was.

Lastly, this Minister approves of all the puzzles, and different styles of gameplay one has to shuffle through. For a sec’ I’m looking through a town, the next I’m stationed behind a sniper rifle clearing a path for my little group. Then, suddenly I’m on a horse, or shooting at infected while upside down. But these aren’t just thrown together, these processes actually make sense as you go from one point in the story to the other. Situations like this would naturally occur if you were living in this shitty world (as sometimes they do in Hollyweird, anyway..). And instead of just slapping a cinematic cutscene or mindless QTE there, Naughty Dog would rather challenge you to fight right through it than sit around or press one button.

Lazies.

The ending is not what you’d expect, either, but once you get through it, it will make a ton of sense. You’re dealing with a pair of very flawed individuals who spent the last year fighting through a complete nightmare together. Don’t expect a chariot off into the sunset.

But The Last of Us should leave a lot of lucky players thrilled, for this is by far the best game I’ve played in a very, very long time.

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Here’s what happens when 3 drunken clergymen and a Christian walk into a bar… Panic ensues! “Reverend” Joe Rivera, “King” Ray Getsbusy, and “The” Christian Seufert join the “Monsignor” Travis Moody to discuss all the fire and lameness of this year’s Electronic Entertainment Expo — from the best games of the year, the next-gen PS4 & Xbox One system war, booth babes, driving games, fighting games, and, hell, even Nintendo.

We most certainly hope you enjoy. If you’re not seeing the SOUNDCLOUD widget below (because you’re using a smartphone, or whatever, you can download the podcast here, and take it with you wherever you go!).

GHG would also like to thank The Hollywood Happy Ending Bar & Restaurant for giving us the private space hospitality for this, perhaps unfortunate, dweeb debacle.

Geah!

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That’s no surprising statement, considering that Respawn is flourishing with some-40 former developers from Infinity Ward, the company in current control of the C.O.D. franchise. No one — not even the arguably most elite multplayer shooter on the market, Battlefield — has been able to touch Infinity Ward’s behemoth by a long shot. Leave it to Respawn’s GM Vince Zampella, producer Drew McCoy, and lead artist Joel Emslie to spark a new, exciting rivalry. It shouldn’t be hard to feel the team’s good vibes after watching Titanfall‘s exhilarating closed-room demo at E3 last week.

I just wish the t-shirt schwag size wasn’t relegated to a XXL.

With rapid cat-quick animations, handcrafted technology, superior sci-fi infantry, and seemingly untouchable multiplayer, Titanfall is certainly the game that dreams are made of. In addition to the 24-foot mechs — Titans! — that run-and-gun (with explosive artillery) and even dodge with the best of them, your Militia Pilots can also jet-kit, fast-cloak and wall-ride on their enemies. Just because you’re not in a giant chain-lighting-gun-toting robot doesn’t necessarily mean you’re at a disadvantage, either, since your spec-ops soldier can command Titans to guard, gather ammo, and even catapult your ass towards the top of unattainable areas and rooftops!

Titanfall is also very grounded in its science fiction presentation. Environments look more or less modern, with wondrous amazons, old-town harbors and shops, and run-down industrial plants. This “District 9″ approach to these landscapes allows for greater impact when the Titans and their fantastic dropships arrive for battle.

Remember the mystery “E3 Cover” game I was referring to? Yeah, I’m nasty.

“So, I know it’s another first-person shooter multiplayer and all, but what’s so fantastic about the campaign?”

The multiplayer is the campaign! The campaign is the multiplayer! Respawn figures there’s no sense in logging hundreds of man-hours on levels that will mean completely nothing to the typical FPS fan who’d rather log most of their time online. Titanfall is more concerned with universal world-building than a tiny story you can beat in 6-8 hours. Thus, expect the game’s plot elements and storyline decisions to become fully immersed with various co-op functions, sort of like that of E3′s other top games, The Division, Watch Dogs, and Destiny.

I’m afraid the game done changed — and Xbox One’s Titanfall looks to be just the one to lead that next-gen race this spring.

EA SPORTS… IT’S IN THE WAIT!

It’s hard not to be impressed looking at the new EA Sports line-up for the next-gen. Unfortunately, the sports gaming god’s massive — and quite beautiful — conference space didn’t sum up to anything great, or anything ready this side of the 360/PS3.

It’s understandable.

If the Xbox One and PS4 systems are months away from launch, then what the hell would you expect from their third-party developers?

Everything at EA looked promising, as the company edges their focus on “revolutionizing” sports games with the the Ignite engine. FIFA‘s going to play more physical. Madden‘s going to utilize offensive line-play to the extreme, UFC will offer a seamless string of wrestling and jiu-jitsu techniques, and, yes, even the rebirth of NBA Live will offer innovative dribbling.

Aside from those points witnessed during the already-seen-at-Microsoft-press-con, I was only able to run with Adrian Peterson on the new Madden 25 against the Redskins in an empty FedEx Field. The good news: AP strikingly rumbles down field like his real life counterpart. The bad: the offensive line didn’t make many adjustments, like you’d expect during a pass play — and I wasn’t able to pass.

I was also able to play a full quick game of FIFA 14 against another E3 attendee, yet without sound. If you have ever played any FIFA, then you know damn well that sound is the best thing about it! During a back-and-forth battle of wills, my opposition and I discussed the great amount of potential witnessed in the next-gen version of the most popular sports game this side of Madden. And, granted, the Xbox One controller felt awesome. After a while, I was able to pass and switch defenders more fluidly.

I still lost 2-1, though.

• Bethesda! A few hours after playing a somewhat unimpressive Wolfensten: The New Order demo on the Skyrim/Fallout company’s showroom floor (sorry, Brad, maybe I’m just tired of killing Nazis…), the Moodster was treated to a lengthy live demo of The Evil Within. If you remember from our wonderful PrE3 discussion, this was Cardinal Gary’s one to look for…and, after witnessing all the horrifying brutality 30-minutes, I can certainly share in his sentiments of excellence.

• The Evil Within is exclusively all survival horror action, which is great news for the countless disappointed with fellow horror-franchises-turn-FPS-bombs, Resident Evil and Dead Space. There’s enough brooding behavior and unsettling moments to keep our heads twisted. Oh, and Elder Scrolls Online is now coming to both next-gen consoles. But, with over 1,000,000,000 hours of gameplay, I’m not sure I care… Rainbow Six: Patriots recently announced that the long-awaited tactical shooter is coming to nex-gen consoles — hence the delay, pulls from stores — and Fallout 4 was nowhere to be found. Gotta save some goodness for E3 2014, right?

• If I had any regrets at E3 this year, it was not looking for The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, which, not all ironically, ended up IGN’s Gamer’s Choice Winner for E3 2013. And, to think I had spent 2 extra hours playing Disney’s Infinity and Ducktales HD instead… I was a major fan of Witcher 2 — despite never getting to finish the game due to some Xbox 360 hard drive issues — so this was definitely on my list. I just had no idea they’d be at the conference, and, honestly, The Witcher was not all that greatly advertisted. Keza MacDonald of IGN UK refers to the award-winning fantasy RPG as “sharply written, morally ambiguous, and gigantic, with fluid real-time sword-fighting.” Sounds like the Hollywood Happy Ending E3 Podcast we got coming for ya…at least the last part.

• Finally, the most fun I had at E3 was playing Yaibi: Ninja Gaiden Z. It’s a button-mashing, ninjazombie-killing, Ryu Hayabusa-starring LIVE ACTION COMIC BOOK with bosses galore! Nuff said…

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From the high-flying, smoking-hot antics of inFamous: Second Son, to the family-friendly, smash-em-up stylings of Knack, and everything in between, Sony’s PlayStation 4 exclusives prove to be both incredibly violence-centric and next-gen beautiful.

So, this is what “next-gen” feels like!

It’s rather nice to see Sony put its sexy new hardware to good use. And almost nothing maximized the strength of that hardware than Sucker Punch Production’s open world action-adventure, inFamous: Second Son. This indirect sequel to the first two inFamous games is beautiful, explosive, and just the thing to sway a fence-sitter over to the Sony side. If the $399 price tag doesn’t steal you, this will.

In a world where superheroes fall into two main costumed camps (see: Marvel and DC), inFamous: Second Son shines itself in a unique, and badass light. Set in alternate Seattle — because, hey, wet cities make for better drama — inFamous‘s main character, Delsin Rowe, must figure out how to live in a world that heavily regulates people like him: superheroes. (Though, in this game, he receives the X-Men treatment, often referred to as a “bioterrorist.”)

Delsin can turn into smoke, proving once and for all that yes, smoking does make you cool. But, according to the folks over at Sucker Punch, his real power is in his uncanny ability to copy other superhuman skills (à la Mimic); although, us demo-dwelling-dweebs weren’t able to get a real look at that. Hopefully soon.

Delsin, unlike his predecessor Cole MacGrath, is a proud man. He’s arrogant, he’s funny, and actually enjoys using his powers. He is also, as far as one can tell from the small amount allowed to see, not your typical tortured soul. He’s fun! He’s the kind of guy you’d want to have a beer with (though, having a beer with either Superman or Batman wouldn’t be all that bad, either, me thinks..). And, judging by the cavalcade of combat we were treated to, I’m sure Delsin would have no problem showing off a sick bar trick or two, while he’s at it.

Hell, this “Show Off” even puts Dolph Ziggler to shame!

The action in inFamous is entirely unrestrained. This “Saint’s Rowe” consisted of our antihero going smoke though a locked gate, insta-killing a guard; smoke-transporting through vents to escape from some vicious gun-wielding enemies; air-smoking over the battlefield to reach an unsuspecting target (using what looks like the butt of a cigarette as propulsion), assassinating him with a fire-smoke ball; and, finally, using those smoke-fireball powers to drop multiple bridges on the top of his skullcandied opposition. With Second Son, combat was king.

Toss in some hellaciously-addictive combat and superhuman skill progression towards the already smooth-and-vibrant looking graphics, and inFamous: Second Son could shape up to be quite the console killer for PS4 in Q1 of 2014.

Do that!

Please don’t call me Arya.

The only Playstation game to hold a fairly bright flame to Second Son was The Last of Us, released on Friday. Oh, I hear you, it’s technically a current genii game, but that’s what makes the quality even more impressive — and the future port up more likely. The Last of Us (and I feel somehow comfortable saying this after only 30-minutes of play) will be in the running for Game of the Year. I was blown away by almost every playable aspect of the game, particularly the visuals.

Holy momma, just look at that skin!

The graphics are as real as it gets for the PS3 and the voice animations are near perfect. Now, I can’t really speak too much on the story of The Last of Us, but I can speak to the gameplay. Naughty Dog put together a demo that focused very little on the relationship between our two post apocalyptic survivors, Joel and Ellie — who sorta remind me of a grittier Booker Dewitt and Elizabeth (of Bioshock Infinite), making me oh so giddy. And, despite my half-hour focusing very much on combat and exploration, it was more than enough for The Christian to pass on some powerfully positive judgment. The Last of Us owns!

Melee combat is also responsive and bloody, and the ability to holster a live human-shield makes me giggle (lord forgive me!).

Though, as exhilarating as it was to bludgeon a few of my fellow survivors, I’d suggest a more patient approach. Every time I ran screaming into a room of baddies guns a blazing, I died. I died a lot. The Last of Us punishes stupid choices, and rewards both patience and attention to detail. Keep that in mind when you marathon this prize. Marathon slowly, young Padawan.

• Knack, the quirky, Nintendo-looking game, surprised me. Not “I’ll pay $60 at launch” surprised, but definitely “very good PSN downloadable game” surprised. It’s quirkiness, the same kind that Nintendo used to be so good at, is charming and the gameplay is both basic and addicting. You run around accumulating more “knacks” making you both bigger and stronger and eventually (in the demo at least) Godzilla-sized; tossing cars at large flying machines and destroying buildings, Pacific Rim-style. Fans can Rampage with Knack this November.

• Beyond: Two Souls, the Ellen Page-stargazer made by the developers of Heavy Rain, was easily the most beautifully performed and rendered PS4 game. Watching “Juno” (her name is Jodie Holmes in this game) fight through Somalia with her spirit compatriot, Aiden, was compelling, especially when using Aiden to possess guys and making them murder each other. Each possess-kill felt dry and lifeless, in the very best way possible. My only problem Beyond thus far, is that its story is so epic and expansive that the only way to judge it is to buy and beat it. I guess you can say I’m technically sold for its release on October 8th.

• Let’s talk some Killzone: Shadow Fall for a second. Or let’s not, because the closed-room demo didn’t do very much to convince me whether I want it or not. Sure, it was cool. Guns are beautifully designed and just futuristic enough to feel very new. Killing enemies is fun, as it is in every game. Grenades blow things up, as they do in every game. It, as of now, is just another fun-looking FPS. Nothing special, not at all bad. Now, being the good Christian that I am and all, I’ll take the optimist route. The team behind Killzone may have merely chosen a less exciting mission to display, and it’s likely that there are much more insane missions available during the game’s campaign. For now, the intense lighting and 3D effects are enough to keep a good eye for this shooter, but I wouldn’t pre-order it just yet.

• I got to use the PS4 controller for the duration of E3 on Thursday (until I was ever whimsically kicked out — details coming in the podcast, sadly), and feels almost as good as the Xbox 360 and the plentiful booth babes who visit my chapel. The pad’s handles are comfortable, the joysticks are very responsive, and the rumble packs are specifically intense. I’m looking forward to snatching the PS4 as a whole — if our congregation is smart enough to pass down some donations, of course.

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For the next-gen, there’s absolutely nothing to hate about Call of Duty: Ghosts. Activision has embraced the new technology with open arms, using displacement mapping and real geometric fidelity towards their advantage. In short, the game looks dope (like, 3D dope). The developers at Infinity Ward have exponentially increased the polygon rate and textures, so players won’t help but notice every little nick and scrape on their soldier’s wrists. Hell, even the rifle-scopes are a noticeably more perfect round; sort of like that strawberry blo…

(Oh.. perhaps, another time then..)

All pretty looking pistols, sleek camo and San Diego streams aside, Ghosts focuses on the story. To Infinity Ward’s credit, Call of Duty‘s storylines have improved year by year. No longer is multiplayer the only reason to buy COD. Hell, I only buy Duty FOR the campaign. Call me crazy.

“Crazy!”

But, on the real though.. after an event that changes the entire world power dynamic, Ghosts forces you to play the underdog. Woof woof you go, because a trusty German Shepherd named Riley is your finest recon option. This new addition positively sounds like a gimmick of “suspended relief” proportions, really; but, scanner-controlled survellience dogs have been used by real Navy SEALS — really. Riley will actually act like a realistic pup, too, showing heat fatigue, fear from collapsing buildings, and unrest from incoming swarms of gunfire. And watch out boys, he’ll chew you up!

If that damn bark isn’t a distraction…

In the degenerate 13-year old world of Call of Duty, a man’s ONLY friend.

RISE OF THE DEAD, TROIS

…then just about anything in Capcom’s Dead Rising 3 can be used as a distraction. And, trust me; with the numbers of undead swarming these streets, you’re ass is gonna need all of it. The good news for Microsoft loyalists — the few and the far between these days — is that DR3 is an Xbox One exclusive. Sort of like our boys up above: the few and the proud (the Marines). But, hey, if you’ve never been a big fan of Dead Rising before, never a better time than now. Every single geek in our VIP demo was blown away, nearly literally, with all of the great ways to destroy zombies.

Cause, hey, everything in this game is a weapon. Even Penzoil. Of course.. not recommended. It is recommended, however, to rid of these far more aware monsters (that can also now scream to alert others if need be!) with weapon customization and sadistic item comboing. Gathering blueprints (as also seen in both Black Flag and Mad Max, another running theme of E3 perhaps? Jigga would be proud), will allow your car mechanic hero to fix up the most intense zombie-killing contraptions possible — hello, “Sledge Saw — as well as level up any particular aspect of his offensive game.

As our developer mentioned, “you could [also] make yourself the best puncher ever” if you wanted to use up all your XP on that one function.

There’s plenty of time to play dress up, too. It’s all there, from playing S.W.A.T. and rocking “Breaking Bad” hazmat suits, to the far more insanity of sporting a felt shark get-up with a giant Blanca mask. Lest we forget Dorothy’s spring best. You have the option in Dead Rising 3 to go full-on comedy (like photobombing, a signature to the previous installations), or merely keep things droll in Rick Grimes territory.

With improved physics and plenty of places to loot and eat “shelf hot dogs,” the distractions will keep on coming. “Blind” your new zombie friends with construction pylons (and then nicely set them on fire); set off store alarms (and then run!); and call upon airstrikes (or barrell gun waste entire parking lot-fulls).

You’ll be raising hell and finding gun stores on your tablet in Dead Rising 3 this November.

• 

  Excited for Dishonored 2; aren’t you?

  Thief is another game that uses distraction to key its momentum. The only issue I have with this cult-classic franchise is timing, with it set for release just one year after Dishonored. The two games are frighteningly similar. Of course, longtime fans of the Thief franchise — and it’s been a darn good 15-years ago since the debut on the PC — are going to care less. It’s been nearly a decade since this steampunk stealther appeared on a console, too (Deadly Shadows), so there’s no doubt Eidos Montreal (Deus Ex Machina) has their work cut out for them. Thief does offer a sleek, next-gen engine, a nifty shadow meter (for enemy detection; unlike Dishonored, you’ll want to stay “ghost” most of the time in this one..), and a unique array of arrows at your disposal. Go all “Arkham” on ‘em with the Rope Arrow; put out torch fire with the aptly-named Water Arrow. See, that’s my biggest fear of Thief. It takes itself far too seriously. Our protaganist, Garrett, offers no sign of personality — a shame, considering all the strange convos he had with himself throughout our demo. Maybe I’m just glad he didn’t mention anything about using map access on the tablet! With the game hinting at nearly too much familiarity (despite swiftly changing to 3rd person on the climbing/escaping stages), my hopes for this Theif — as a wicked diehahd of Dishonuhd – may have faded…

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Distractions are merely the new, finest way to overcome the darn A.I. in many of the hottest next-gen games. From the blistering phat beats of an ol’ school boom-box.. to surveillance-controlled canines.. to a good ol’ fashioned Chi-town blackout (exactly what my Boston Hockey Bruins could use right now!), there was more than an assortment of neat tactics to help your desirable antihero of choice.

Just another man about town.

WHO LET THE HACKS OUT?

Despite the many demos carrying an all-too similar trend, perhaps no game did it better than Ubisoft’s long-awaited Watch_Dogs. Sure, it’s yet another Grand Theft get ‘em-when-you-can open world feature — and actually, highly resembles last year’s surprise hit, Sleeping Dogs. But, trust me; you’ve never played a game where your primary weapon was your damn cell phone. Watch_Dogs is a hacker’s dream, and possibly even a hacker’s nightmare. Not even Tron or The Matrix could handle what Aiden Pierce has up his sleeves.

In fact, Pierce will have a hard time handling his own (often) sensational, surprise hack guests. Even the police will use the same tactics as our protaganist, including all the technology from CtOS — software that controls Chicago’s entire informational network.

No wonder those Cubs fans have always been brainwashed!

So, hey, for a guy with no morals, Pierce often tries to do the right thing. For every security guard he puts out of their own misery — all to acquire access to certain district’s CtOS — the man doesn’t mind breaking up a domestic dispute or two. He’ll chase burglars through playgrounds, play Enemy of the State with a fellow hacker pal, and gain vital access codes from dangerous ex-mercenaries. South Beach’s Michael Weston would be proud.

If the wild goose chases and wifi hotspot hacking isn’t nearly enough, Watch_Dogs wins on a technical scale, as well. While the graphics are merely solid with a spell of impressive character (and car) mechanics, certain missions often provide sweet camera angles (especially under illuminated survellience), terrific spy-infused music (though nothing too Bondy), realistic city life (you’ll feel like you’re in a jam-packed Coffee Bean), and a slew of spectacular sound effects: accurate police dispatch alerts, echoes of gunfire, swarming sirens and even a muscle car’s roaring transmission.

Again, Dogs just sounds superb.

Of course, your own personal iPAD or Nexus or Kindle whatever will come into play too. Tablets, basically, work for ANY next-gen game now — so get used to it. You can receive help from a “hopping in” mobile player, who can pitch in with those utter distractions; or you can become challenged by another fiesty jerk tech. Don’t act surprised when your “tagged” armed guards get startled silly by a ghastly moving forklift, or play too smart for their own good and start shooting blindfire; even them thugs go dumb over false car alarms. Either way, it was cool getting to know the people of Chicago, like “Roberto Kim” trolling online politic threads, or personal trainer — and potential assault victim — Sally Windex enjoying some weekend fishing.

Watch_Dogs takes the standard open-world assault to a more ambitious level. Hackers will know for sure November 19.

IF YOU GOT A CREW, YOU BETTA TELL ‘EM

Along with Tom Clancy’s The Division, which I oohed-and-aahed about during the Ubisoft press conference, the software giant’s other present for E3 was The Crew.

I got a first hand look at the massive-multiplayer online racer this morning, which has the most overambitious plot of all time: gather together with other afterburners throughout the entire — and we mean entire — United States to race against one another for no apparent reason than the pure joy of raising utter destruction and tossing out bragging rights. We kid; there’s a trusted story yet attached. But, yes, The Crew certainly does contain the entire sweep of the good ol’ U.S. of A., including the canyons of Red Rock Las Vegas, the metropolitan mayhem of Manhattan, and the crashing waves and tan babes of Ocean Drive.

Mr. James and Mr. Wade spotted elsewhere during practice.

It’s as ridiculously epic in scope as it sounds, and a helluva lotta fun.

Any fans of Burnout, or the classic Need 4 Speed‘s should really be enthralled with this game. It requires next to no loading screens during your time zone warps, and any of your pals or prowesses can challenge or “cooperate” at will (see: MMO). While I found the game to drive a lot harder than, hell, Saints Row IV (a far improved driver than GTA), I’m sure it was my overambitious index doing all the side-swiping. Even cooler.. *tablet alert, tablet alert!* you can customize your car from work, the treadmill or the john before even turning on your new console.

Ubisoft’s open-world racer also looks quite stunning on next-gen, without any major hiccups or glaring pixelation. With an original pitch written all over it, this Crew is a must ride early next year.

• It’s not hard to see why Forza 5 Motorsport maximizes the most of the next-gen graphics capabilities, at least for the Xbox One. At 60 frames per second and true 1080p, the favorite racing sim is a wonder to behold (just check out the sunset’s dashboard reflection, the density of the street audience, the oil and mud kicked upon your vehicle post-race). But the message sent today from the Microsoft VIP media room was clear: Turn 10 Studios doesn’t want their cars looking too perfect. In addition to learning every possible pop culture fact about the games hundred or so cars, racers will also now notice random fingerprints and smudges to even the newest of showroom behemoths. And, that made sense to the company’s devs who compared this “human eye” situation to buying a new car. There’s 3 layers of paint coats to every ride, so when damaged, you’ll be able to witness the effect to each layer individually.

• With Forza 5‘s 8 different leagues in the championship career, it should take about 60-hours to complete. Good luck doing that. But, your car can be rewarded credits no matter which mode you choose. The cloud-based server will be fully-dedicated, using both Drivatar A.I. to build every racers’ habits and recommendations (such as presorted paint designs) and smart match for online duels. Despite a wonderfully cinematic soundscape from Lucasfilm’s Skywalker Sound (and the newly announced addition of all three “Top Gear” hosts), this season will skip any sort of night racing and weather or climate changes. Hey, let’s respect Forza 5 Motorsport for simply not wanting to just be good at everything. They only need be great at one thing — and that’s racing.

• Ubisoft had another trick up its E3 sleeves this year, their newly acquired (from THQ) South Park: The Stick of Truth. Sure, we saw the debut trailer at last year’s event, and got to witness some hilarious hands-on stuff at SD Comic Con. But with the transition at hand, Ubi took another initiative to add upon the slinky mock-RPG with more gas. Cup-A-Spell a.k.a. Flaming Fart Fireballs. And they won’t work near a fan. If your Supersoaker’s Arctic Blast won’t do the trick, I suppose it’s time for some.. Alien Anal Probe! This new “technique” allows your douchebag hero — with a newfound moral compass! — to transport to new areas, or use Underpants to shrink for the less accessible areas. There’s also a new Facebook layout for incoming messages, appearance changes, and customizing goods. I promise, nothing will feel better than the fair maiden’s hard-earned reward of a… Friend Request.

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Oh, excuse me! Didn’t see you there!

No Sony MAXIM party tonight for these old bones. In fact, speaking of old bones, I even slept through the embarassment that is the Miami Heat, who should never get shallacked by that Old Man Duncan.

Luckily, there are more important things to talk about. You know, like all the hands-on gameplay and closed-room developer demos that the Rev got to witness. It was fun, and ended with a bang. Literally. My first conquest of the day was checking out the massive Microsoft booth to investigate that new overpriced Xbox One. I then spent a little too much time with a haunted cross between Darksiders II and Devil May Cry. WB offered a juicy 2-play of major IPs.  And our friends over at Ubisoft looked so much better on the floor than at the conference. Finally, GHG was swept away by a Bungie.

IT’S DESTINY

Within the fist few seconds of this live-play demo, call me captivated. Or Captain Captivated. Destiny‘s graphics are superb. Everything about the scope of this hella-ambitious MMO FPS screamed like the lovechild of Star Wars and Halo. Our seven Bungie pals screamed like lightning through their foray of Old Mother Russia, dropping in and out of ships and battle zones. The voice communication between our lucky devs was excellent, though none better than their roming “ghost” flashlight that quips. Ha — and like that dood Deadpool, he’ll go on and on and on.

Perhaps the most startling discovery of Destiny are the damn guns. The infra-red rays that hover around the soldier through the dark underground areas are a nice touch. Soon as the same gun goes scope, the red light alters to a piercing blueish white. Hell, even the cute sewer puddle reflections are little nuances that get me every time. Along with the pulverizing sounds of the cannon fire, a pair of grenades and flairs add to their own special effect.  The heavily-inspired Halo melees look pretty efffing insane, as well.

Sure, there’s some zany character designs; but nothing like a man in a sci-fi gorilla suit.. *cough* Defiance *cough*

The enemies of this world are no standard fair either. While many may reflect the silly, horned-helmet stylings of Voltron, the rogues for the most part appeared evasive. Good thing your character can pack some exotic heavy machine-guns like the Lightning Lord, then equip several tasty upgrades and sockets like “Rolling Thunder.”

With its intense customization, massive landscapes, dramatic entrance team-ups, and colossal freight ships (that will drop a spider-tank or two), there’s no surprise that Destiny is gunning down the E3 competition.

If nothing else, this is what Defiance — the game and TV show — should have been.

MERCENARY MODE

A little over 500 days ago, Arkham City won half of the Game of the Year votes. For a superhero IP, that was a win in itself.

While that feat doesn’t appear likely again for the nifty copycat from Warner Bros. Montreal, that’s cool. It’s cool, because Arkham was so cool we’ll be fine doing it all over again. Despite how identical the games are, Arkham Origins packs plenty of steady improvements, like a progression system that allows players to gauge their own.. well.. progress. The Case File System also allows our Batman feel more like a detective, combining those unprecedented skills and senses from his cowl’s evidence scanner to video evidence correlated from the Batcave. Having Alfred do that side of the dirty work would have been even cooler, but, for now, we’ll take it.

No longer will “detective mode” feel solely like an excuse to see through stuff.

As for the plot, the Black Mask — who’s more than likely not Talia, since we heard some gruff male vocals — has 50 mill on our youthful Bruce Wayne’s domepiece. Thus, expect mercs, mercs and more mercs. One thing about “Origins” that comes off a little strange to canon, is the game’s improved gadgetry. So, you’re telling me Batman only got dumber? It’s even harder to believe he lost that much weight with age as well. This younger Bats is much beefier than his older self, which should be fine considering the game’s wider range of heftier assassins and armored enforcers.

The bottom line is (and that’s not a bad quote, considering there’s a scene where Batman puts one unlucky Mask minion in the “Stonecold Stunner”), I witnessed no significant difference in this Arkham’s graphics and gameplay elements from the last. Better now, though, Bats can dish out a remote claw that allows multiple strikes with one command, and far superior grappling positions (whereas the Caped Crusader even finds use for tightrope). Hopefully, there’ll be some more added developments across the way that will keep even the most finicky of comic gaming geeks happy. And, hey, Joker’s back.. with none other than Bane in tow.

Merry Christmas on Halloween!!

• Perhaps the most surprising game of the day for me was Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag. Say, what! How could any AC game be surprising? Well, because it can! The new open world of pirateering just looks prettier. Island hills look vast, the amazonian forests more delish, and the new interface looks so fresh, so clean. Assassins will now be able to double bulldog enemies into the sand, or polish off their hearts with a pair of simultaneous six-shooters. Overall, AC4 aims for the more cinematic, with a bigger rush of seamless transition from land to sea — without all the loading. Combat is far more explosive than previous AC’s, as well, with the ability to hop ships, swim, climb, and do your whole creep-in-the-bushes stealth thing. There are 3 major cities to explore in this vast world, and with the use of your tablet, you can pull up and watch your character venture throughout the map. Your treasure maps will appear on your Smartglass as well. Black Flag is also a game of options. With every contract, you have the ability to decide who lives, who joins your fleet, which ships can be salvaged, and who becomes captain — uh, you. There’s plenty to explore on these islands; different cannons and ammo to give your Jackdaw for varying enemy archetypes; you can even discover two other factions go to naval battle. All of the 1700s pirate era signatures are within the caribbean: pissing pirates, pissed off whales, pissy blowpipes, and… psst.. crabs. Argh.

Who you callin’ Deadshot?

• Mad Max! This game may just be decades in the making. This Road Warriors adaptation is a modern take on the next-gen open world of the 1979 post-apocalyptic film and beyond. Only thing is, the game didn’t look next-gen. The environments do capture the signature wastelands of Mad Max, and the vehicles look duty, rusty and powerful enough. Even your suspensions will feel rough enough tumbling through the rugged terrain. Game mechanics look a little stiff at this point, with some awkward transition between driving and battle — though items like the thunderstick launcher look pretty bad-ass. I mean, dude, a spear that ignites on delivery! There’ll be 50 authentic vehicles in Mad Max and no two encounters  in the game will look the same. Avalanche studios is known for their over-the-top physics (Just Cause 1 & 2), brutal combat (STE – slow-time-events?), upgrades (i.e. ramming bumper, demolition grill) and looting (more pahts for the cah), so I think we very well could have some hoon trouble… Keep an eye on this one.

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Since the game was released on June 5, there’s been two vocal camps on this title: people who just want to cry about the graphics, and those who are able to look past the cosmetic shortcomings to enjoy one of the most engaging zombie titles to come out in a while. (Guess which side I’m on….) So, before getting any farther into this review, let’s address some of the rumors you may or may not have heard about this $20 Xbox Live download.

Rumor #1: “The game is ugly.” Somewhat true. It’s not ugly, but it’s not going to blow you away with the visuals. At times, it looks like a PS2 or original Xbox title. Items pop onto the screen from time to time, which can be a pain while driving, but the zombies — or Zeds as they are called — do not pop in front of you. At times, they are the only things you can see in the distance, which is surely a glitch that can work in your favor.

All this for a god-damn Denny’s Grand Slam.

Rumor #2: “The game is buggy.” Truthfully, I’ve played AAA titles with more launch bugs (hi Assassin’s Creed III!). I’ve experienced very little of the framerate bugs others have reported. The only wild thing this Monsignor ran into.. has been some collision detection and clipping issues. I once walked into a house and saw a pair of Zeds wading in the floor up to their chest. They eventually rejoined the world of physics and got their heads thoroughly beat in with a skillet. No harm, no foul.

Rumor #3: “The game is too buggy and ugly to play.” Now, that’s what the hell the rest of the review is for!

GRAND THEFT DAWN OF THE DEAD

State of Decay throws you right into the fray as the game starts with two of the main characters, Marcus and Ed, fighting off a lakeside zed attack. There’s no cutscene exposition. What little backstory your have is contained in the game journal, which is easy to forget about once the missions start piling up. But do you seriously remember the backstories from Left 4 Dead and Dead Rising 2 anyway?

More yardwork than a damn Skyrim DLC!

Didn’t think so.

As the game goes along, you’ll make new friends, lose some new ones and wind up having to stomp a surprising number of zombies. Seriously, there’s a shitload of Zeds for a town that only has about 20 or so houses.

The gameplay is going to be instantly familiar to anyone who has played any Grand Theft Auto. The combat, driving and mission system is almost note-for-note GTA, which, hey, is not entirely a bad thing. Ironically, the driving is as horrendous as Theft‘s, and even misses out on the use of radio stations (basically, the only element that saved GTA‘s primary weakness). Thankfully, the addictive “just one more mission” appeal of S.O.D. will have 4 am creeping up on you more than once.

YOU’VE GOT RED ON YOU

As mentioned, the graphics are limited, but luckily the gore isn’t. If you use your vehicle as a weapon, you’re going to get a new paint job. Spoiler alert: it’s red. And using the car to kill is huge, especially when a horde is coming straight at you. Your vehicle is not invincible though, and running into enough zeds will eventually destroy it. To save damage you can perform a door attack. When properly timed, opening the driver’s side door will send the mofo flying. In real life, doing such a thing would most likely snap your arm, yet all the while insanely fun and never dull, no matter how many times — and I’m about 10-15 hours in.

Undead Labs had no problem nodding off to other works from the wonderful world of zombies. The first stat listed for characters is cardio (Zombieland), there’s a pair of troublemaking redneck brothers (“The Walking Dead”) and companions will also point out that “You’ve got red on you” (Shaun of the Dead) after a bloody zed debacle. There’s plenty more references throughout State of Decay and stumbling upon those easter eggs breaks the tension nicely.

Throw mama from the.. plane.

DOUBLE TAP? NOT AROUND HERE

Your survivors have an assortment of guns and melee weapons at their disposal, and knowing when to use them is key. While a gun can easily put most zeds down with one well-placed shot, they are indeed loud and noise can be your biggest enemy in Decay. You won’t have time to double tap because the sound will be a beacon to any surrounding zeds, and, trust, they will come on a runnin’.

Your survivors are best served using melee weapons if they can. Melee weapons can be just about anything. You’ll see cast iron skillets. Golf clubs, pipe wrenches, matchetes and more. In tribute to Edgar Wright’s Shaun (or maybe The Big Lebowski) you can even find a cricket bat. Each of these can take down zeds with relative ease, but keep an eye on that weapon condition! Some items wear down quick and will need to be brought back to base for repair (once you have built a workbench).

HOME SWEET HOME

Your survivors all work from a home base. You have default starting locations and can move as your troupe grows. The base is where you sleep, repair items, train and get medical treatment. You’ll have to find supplies and upgrade your base, sort of the in-between humdrum that plagued Walking Dead‘s Season 2.

Apparently, they are already working on a sequel live at E3: Booth Babes in Disarray.

Home base is also where you can switch between active characters. This is where State of Decay could turn some people off. Even though there is an RPG element in the form of a very basic skill tree and leveling system, there is no character creation and a surprisingly low amount of character control. More often than not, you’ll return to base with an exhausted character and find that your other playable characters are on a mission of their own or flat out missing. If you’re a control freak, this is going to drive you bananas; it does, however, add a new layer of tension to the game. Your characters have free will, and free will is a bitch. In my current game, half of my playable characters are missing, including my most leveled-up, reducing me to the scrub department.

And, to search for these assholes, I’ve had to abandon a few side missions — something I’m not terribly proud to admit.

Another part of the game that sticks it to over-bearing gamers is the save system. It’s entirely autosave, meaning you can’t save the game yourself at any point. Add the specter of permadeath to the save system and the message is crystal clear: The game is in control here. There are no second chances and your mistakes have consquences.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

As we’ve already hit on, there are a lot of rough edges to pick on with this game. For the most part though, these things don’t hurt the game experience and add little details that more than make up for anything apparently “last gen.” The sickening wet crunch of smashing a zombie’s skull, the cheap scare of a zed bursting through a window when you thought you’d cleared the area, the numbing moment when you see one of your survivors get ripped in half “for the very first time” (cue Madonna for the achievement!), are all great moments.

Even more fun.. comes from exploring your surviors’ traits on the character screen. Former police or military personnel are good with the gats; the local undertaker has a counseling perk (though sadly not the WWE’s phenom); and characters who enjoyed camping and hiking will receive boosts to their cardio. Perhaps, my favorite character trait belongs to Ed — one of your initial survivors. Eddie was a big fan of “American Idol” (cough) and he has a special skill called Reality TV Knowledge that is maxed out from the beginning of the game.

Of course this little ditty probably means shit; I’m just holding out hope that there will be a special class of zed later in the game that can only be defeated with pub trivia.

3.5 (Out of 5) Bibles. Giving this game a rating was kind of tricky. While the graphical and bug issues are easy to forgive, they are still a legitimate issue for some. If a game can be praised for being pretty, it’s only fair to acknowledge that this game falls short in the looks department (but it’s got a great personality!). It’s also worth noting there’s nothing especially groundbreaking about S.O.D. — despite many others’ wishes. Hell, it can easily be dismissed as a GTA mod. Despite any such nitpickery, this particular Xbox Live venture is 5-Bibles based on pure fun and value alone ($20)). But, in comparison to its peers — namely in graphics, polish and originality — you’re looking at the good ol’ 3.5 (but that half-Bible is the Old Testament, aka the bloody and fun part). Look. Either way, you should buy this now or all the cool kids will laugh at your stupid clothes and feed you to the zeds because.. well.. the cool kids are just dicks like that.

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