Now, before I get on with this review, the Reverend would like to quickly touch upon Saints Row‘s previous three games. Those of you who know me, know that I can’t get enough of the open world franchise’s manic mayhem. But, to be completely honest with you (as if our holy church of geekdom would go about it any other way), the Rev didn’t get into SR until the summer of 2011, when trailers for SR: The Third flooded all video game sites and every bit of social media. I originally steered clear of the apparent Grand Theft Auto knock-offs — with their then sole focus on urban gang wars — and that proved a mistake.

A mistake I intended no longer to make.

Don’t get me wrong; I still and will always enjoy playing SR 1 and 2. However, when the third Row was released, I couldn’t help but nerdgasm to the fact that this shit was about to get full-retard.

And by full-retard, I’m talking what the Volition development team accomplished within their open sandbox:

-Call in airstrikes on rival gangs.

-Base-jump in the nude.

-Smack people with giant purple dildos.

Thus, it will forever remain one of my favorite games of all time.

So, when Volition said that Saints Row IV was going to have to take even further over-the-top than its predecessor, I was thinking to myself just how in the bloody hell would this become possible (English accent and all, I swear.) Sure enough, they went and proved me wrong.

Not one of my character creations, I can assure you.

Narrated by Jane Austen (yes, Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen), the story starts off where you, as the Boss (voiced by the one and only Troy Baker), lead the Saints to stop a terrorist group in the Middle East from launching a nuke on Washington D.C. (at this point, you kinda just have to go with it). As the nuke gets launched, you quickly jump on like Major Kong; and as you disable it, the game goes all Michael Bay with Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” busting through the background. And, you’re probably singing this in your head right now, aren’t you?

Aren’t you?

Yes, you. Over there…

Stop lying.

Fast forward about five years and you are now the Mother#$%^&*@ President of the United States, along with the rest of the Saints as your cabinet (including the option of an online pal, in case you want to co-op). Suddenly, out of nowhere (well, somewhere, just not sure where), aliens known as the Zin invade the White House — now known as the “White Crib,” complete with stripper poles — abducting you and your entire team. No anal probing, surprisingly. You fortunately-unfortunate peeps are then placed in a virtual reality Steelport. Thus, it’s up to you, your hacker colleague Kinzie, and Vice President Keith David (masterfully playing himself) to free your team, create absolute chaos with your new superpowers, and show Emperor Zinyak that he just fucked with the wrong “puckish rogue.”

Since most of the SR4 takes place in a virtual world like The Matrix, you get to break all the laws of reality. Instead of “with great power, comes great responsibility,” it’s more like “with great power, I can do whatever the ‘F’ I want because I’m insanely awesome (tossin’ up them middle fingers like 2Pac)!”

Steelport is the new Compton. Or Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh.

Throughout the game — which has no problem alien comboing SR3 with Crackdown — you’ll accumulate various superpowers such as super jump, super speed, telekinesis, and fire balls, which are upgradeable as you progress to become the ultimate badass. There are no bounds in the virtual Steelport. Find yourself outgunned by army of aliens? Not much of an issue when you can just take ‘em out with your super stomp, all the while listening to Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.” Or better yet, start causing city mayhem with an alien tank or the mech suit, while listening to EMF’s “Unbelievable.” Oh, it’s like a sci-fi’d out VH1 “I Love the 90s!” Of course, there are a shitload of new weapons to choose from such as the Black Hole Gun (which.. you guessed it!) and the Inflato Ray (which inflates your enemies to the point where their bodies explode). Fun times! However, I found myself using the Dubstep Gun more often than any. It’s a gun that blasts flashing neon lights and dubstep music at your enemies.

See kids, Volition proved that listening to too much of that horrendous music will kill you.

Being ridiculously superpowered and using insane alien weapons are not all what makes SR4 so enjoyable. The game’s many parodies are just as great, including sci-fi fanboy homages to their pistol upgrades (Blade Runner, “Firefly”). In addition to all of the Hollywood nods and soundtrack bliss, there’s plenty of odes to great games too, such as inFamous and Prototype (the super powered gameplay element), and the Monsignor’s all-time fav, Mass Effect (by the way you interact with your team on the spaceship, not to mention romance them).

Boss: “Hey Kinzie, wanna fuck?” Kinzie punches you in the face, and then jumps on you.

Kinzie: “Let’s do this!”

(Must be all that pent-up frustration Kinzie and the Boss have from arguing like a married couple.. the entire damn game.)

Some of the tougher enemies include Lookie Lou.

But, nothing bats the homage to a film I actually had the privelage of screening and Q&A-covering earlier this year (which you can read right here), John Carpenter’s They Live. Oh, the irony! The game actually turnbuckle tosses in legendary WWF wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (and his actual voice) to re-enact his infamous fight scene with Keith David. WTF!?!? I mean.. David guest stars, and aliens are the bad guys. Why the hell not?

Oh, and, if you didn’t bother doing too much crazy character editing, or browsing online for hours at some of the many insane creations (a major plus for this 4th installment) Roddy Piper can then be used as a fellow Homeboy.

Hell, that’s not even the half of the humor that Saints Row IV has to offer. There’s a part where players will earn their Transformers moment by listening to “The Touch” from Stan Bush, all the while suiting up as the Iron Saint. Better yet, you start singing along to Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract,” and try to get Kinzie to sing along with you, but she just tells you to…do something terrible to yourself. There’s a sense of nostalgia from this soundtrack that is comparable to none other.

Don’t worry, baby; it was just a phase. He barely mentioned me in this review, anyway…

Sure, while the fanboy in me has taken over much of this review (don’t worry; it’s not even close to the highest rated on the net), I’m not going to lie about the graphics. They’re merely passable. But, maybe that’s why this fun-ass game was tucked away in the darkest cornest at E3, or perhaps I’m only noticing these defencies now because of the looming next-gen.

But, dudes and dudettes of the congregation, you’re not picking up a Saints Row game for the graphics, now, are ya? Of course not. None of the prettier games on the market could ever match up with the franchise’s out-of-this-world/out-of-your-mind zaniness. So, one bible falls off the alter. No biggie. Either way, Saints Row IV exceeds some very lofty expectations following the sheer insanity of Saints Row: The Third. Hell, due to this fourth entry, I’ve been intensely sleep-deprived, living off little more than energy drinks (if only they sold Saints Flow in stores) with a mind so warped, I keep having dreams that I’m buck-naked, blasting aliens asshats while shitty EDM was playing in the background.

How’s that for an impression? Through four mighty games, Volition has chucked over street gangs, zombies, and aliens… Whatever’s next, you can bet the Rev will be amped and ready to go #fullretard once again.

And to think I only mentioned Troy Baker once. Okay. Now twice.

Dammit, Troy.

Okay, now thr…

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles. Half-ass graphics aside, this is one of the Year’s Top 3 Games!

Deep Silver’s Saints Row IV is currently in stores, wherever good PC, PlayStation3, and Xbox 360 games are sold.

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Since the game was released on June 5, there’s been two vocal camps on this title: people who just want to cry about the graphics, and those who are able to look past the cosmetic shortcomings to enjoy one of the most engaging zombie titles to come out in a while. (Guess which side I’m on….) So, before getting any farther into this review, let’s address some of the rumors you may or may not have heard about this $20 Xbox Live download.

Rumor #1: “The game is ugly.” Somewhat true. It’s not ugly, but it’s not going to blow you away with the visuals. At times, it looks like a PS2 or original Xbox title. Items pop onto the screen from time to time, which can be a pain while driving, but the zombies — or Zeds as they are called — do not pop in front of you. At times, they are the only things you can see in the distance, which is surely a glitch that can work in your favor.

All this for a god-damn Denny’s Grand Slam.

Rumor #2: “The game is buggy.” Truthfully, I’ve played AAA titles with more launch bugs (hi Assassin’s Creed III!). I’ve experienced very little of the framerate bugs others have reported. The only wild thing this Monsignor ran into.. has been some collision detection and clipping issues. I once walked into a house and saw a pair of Zeds wading in the floor up to their chest. They eventually rejoined the world of physics and got their heads thoroughly beat in with a skillet. No harm, no foul.

Rumor #3: “The game is too buggy and ugly to play.” Now, that’s what the hell the rest of the review is for!

GRAND THEFT DAWN OF THE DEAD

State of Decay throws you right into the fray as the game starts with two of the main characters, Marcus and Ed, fighting off a lakeside zed attack. There’s no cutscene exposition. What little backstory your have is contained in the game journal, which is easy to forget about once the missions start piling up. But do you seriously remember the backstories from Left 4 Dead and Dead Rising 2 anyway?

More yardwork than a damn Skyrim DLC!

Didn’t think so.

As the game goes along, you’ll make new friends, lose some new ones and wind up having to stomp a surprising number of zombies. Seriously, there’s a shitload of Zeds for a town that only has about 20 or so houses.

The gameplay is going to be instantly familiar to anyone who has played any Grand Theft Auto. The combat, driving and mission system is almost note-for-note GTA, which, hey, is not entirely a bad thing. Ironically, the driving is as horrendous as Theft‘s, and even misses out on the use of radio stations (basically, the only element that saved GTA‘s primary weakness). Thankfully, the addictive “just one more mission” appeal of S.O.D. will have 4 am creeping up on you more than once.

YOU’VE GOT RED ON YOU

As mentioned, the graphics are limited, but luckily the gore isn’t. If you use your vehicle as a weapon, you’re going to get a new paint job. Spoiler alert: it’s red. And using the car to kill is huge, especially when a horde is coming straight at you. Your vehicle is not invincible though, and running into enough zeds will eventually destroy it. To save damage you can perform a door attack. When properly timed, opening the driver’s side door will send the mofo flying. In real life, doing such a thing would most likely snap your arm, yet all the while insanely fun and never dull, no matter how many times — and I’m about 10-15 hours in.

Undead Labs had no problem nodding off to other works from the wonderful world of zombies. The first stat listed for characters is cardio (Zombieland), there’s a pair of troublemaking redneck brothers (“The Walking Dead”) and companions will also point out that “You’ve got red on you” (Shaun of the Dead) after a bloody zed debacle. There’s plenty more references throughout State of Decay and stumbling upon those easter eggs breaks the tension nicely.

Throw mama from the.. plane.

DOUBLE TAP? NOT AROUND HERE

Your survivors have an assortment of guns and melee weapons at their disposal, and knowing when to use them is key. While a gun can easily put most zeds down with one well-placed shot, they are indeed loud and noise can be your biggest enemy in Decay. You won’t have time to double tap because the sound will be a beacon to any surrounding zeds, and, trust, they will come on a runnin’.

Your survivors are best served using melee weapons if they can. Melee weapons can be just about anything. You’ll see cast iron skillets. Golf clubs, pipe wrenches, matchetes and more. In tribute to Edgar Wright’s Shaun (or maybe The Big Lebowski) you can even find a cricket bat. Each of these can take down zeds with relative ease, but keep an eye on that weapon condition! Some items wear down quick and will need to be brought back to base for repair (once you have built a workbench).

HOME SWEET HOME

Your survivors all work from a home base. You have default starting locations and can move as your troupe grows. The base is where you sleep, repair items, train and get medical treatment. You’ll have to find supplies and upgrade your base, sort of the in-between humdrum that plagued Walking Dead‘s Season 2.

Apparently, they are already working on a sequel live at E3: Booth Babes in Disarray.

Home base is also where you can switch between active characters. This is where State of Decay could turn some people off. Even though there is an RPG element in the form of a very basic skill tree and leveling system, there is no character creation and a surprisingly low amount of character control. More often than not, you’ll return to base with an exhausted character and find that your other playable characters are on a mission of their own or flat out missing. If you’re a control freak, this is going to drive you bananas; it does, however, add a new layer of tension to the game. Your characters have free will, and free will is a bitch. In my current game, half of my playable characters are missing, including my most leveled-up, reducing me to the scrub department.

And, to search for these assholes, I’ve had to abandon a few side missions — something I’m not terribly proud to admit.

Another part of the game that sticks it to over-bearing gamers is the save system. It’s entirely autosave, meaning you can’t save the game yourself at any point. Add the specter of permadeath to the save system and the message is crystal clear: The game is in control here. There are no second chances and your mistakes have consquences.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

As we’ve already hit on, there are a lot of rough edges to pick on with this game. For the most part though, these things don’t hurt the game experience and add little details that more than make up for anything apparently “last gen.” The sickening wet crunch of smashing a zombie’s skull, the cheap scare of a zed bursting through a window when you thought you’d cleared the area, the numbing moment when you see one of your survivors get ripped in half “for the very first time” (cue Madonna for the achievement!), are all great moments.

Even more fun.. comes from exploring your surviors’ traits on the character screen. Former police or military personnel are good with the gats; the local undertaker has a counseling perk (though sadly not the WWE’s phenom); and characters who enjoyed camping and hiking will receive boosts to their cardio. Perhaps, my favorite character trait belongs to Ed — one of your initial survivors. Eddie was a big fan of “American Idol” (cough) and he has a special skill called Reality TV Knowledge that is maxed out from the beginning of the game.

Of course this little ditty probably means shit; I’m just holding out hope that there will be a special class of zed later in the game that can only be defeated with pub trivia.

3.5 (Out of 5) Bibles. Giving this game a rating was kind of tricky. While the graphical and bug issues are easy to forgive, they are still a legitimate issue for some. If a game can be praised for being pretty, it’s only fair to acknowledge that this game falls short in the looks department (but it’s got a great personality!). It’s also worth noting there’s nothing especially groundbreaking about S.O.D. — despite many others’ wishes. Hell, it can easily be dismissed as a GTA mod. Despite any such nitpickery, this particular Xbox Live venture is 5-Bibles based on pure fun and value alone ($20)). But, in comparison to its peers — namely in graphics, polish and originality — you’re looking at the good ol’ 3.5 (but that half-Bible is the Old Testament, aka the bloody and fun part). Look. Either way, you should buy this now or all the cool kids will laugh at your stupid clothes and feed you to the zeds because.. well.. the cool kids are just dicks like that.

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I’d go so far as to argue that this open-world, Hong Kong undercover-thriller offers more excitement than any past GTA, and if you don’t believe me, just take a moment to check out this list: “I Fought the Law,” “I Ran (So Far Away),” “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” “All Out of Love,” “Bad Case of Loving You,” “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” “Reelin’ in the Years,” and, not forgetting the Corky Romano favorite, “Take On Me.”

Yes, Dogs is indeed a bloody, violent and disturbing game.

And witnessing our Wein Shen rock out to eighties New Wave.. is sort of terrifying in itself.

In addition to our Lost in Translation moments of song, Sleeping Dogs packs a plethora of mini-games, including an overcrowded “fight club” (frustrating) and some intense drag-strip racing and Duchati-wielding reminiscent of Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift (exciting but thereafter redundant). But, hey, at least this breaks up all the excellent blood-soaked shootouts and GSP-inspired street fighting (yes, the UFC champ really helped with most of the kicks and the chops). It’s almost as if the developers at Unites Front Games took all their favorites –Midnight Club, Max Payne, GTA — and rolled them into one.

Chicks dig the mustard.

But there’s more to this dog than just that.

Sleeping Dogs packs almost too many distractions, from the constant GQing it up in one of your many uptown lofts to performing humorous (and apparently meaningless) tasks for the local townsfolk (dumping an auto into the drink as an insurance scam of sorts, among one of my favs). After a while you will probably just ditch all the tiresome errands and racing stuff for the prime story itself, which really ain’t bad.

In fact the game features a prime number of voice actors — Emma Stone (uh yeah, far before that whole Spider-Man bit I am sure), Tom Wilkinson, Lucy Liu — although I’d sum up the majority of the script’s quality as to laughable at best. Then again, isn’t that how the majority of Kung-Fu cop dramas go?

Dogs has come a long way from the game that was “surprisingly a lot of fun” at E3 and the game I mocked at SDCC about being an advocate to slap women around (it only really happens if you go out of your way to do so, so “whathadhappehwuhhh..” this one particularly annoying massage therapist… ahh.. sorry). The one element of S.D. that got me hooked at E3 was the use of environments during street scraps. Use your imagination, and you can probably use anything your sick little mind can think of towards your advantage — including killing dudes with the snout of some very sharp fish.

Maybe too many people this past June were worried about the other dogs, Watch Dogs, and lost site of how freaking cool Sleeping is.

But, if you’re really wondering why this review took nearly 2 months to come out, let’s just say sleep came into play just like it has had with many others. With Darksiders and Madden taking over my August and the likes of Borderlands 2 and NBA 2K13 receiving their deserving share of the palm sweat, as well, it makes it all the more cooler that this Cantonese-speaking-and-subtitled underdog had been stealing my time. Not to mention, Dogs takes roughly 25-hours or so to beat if you mess around with many of the detective/errand/race missions to boot. Long game.

Ironically, the Rev crashed out last night in his hotel room after several fine hours of playing this game, only to wake up and discover that most of the save data from the past week or so had been deleted.

Certainly delivers new meaning to the term “Sleeping Dogs,” now, doesn’t it?

4 (out of 5) Bibles. One of the year’s most exciting titles certainly fills the void left open from the delayed GTA V. Decent story, cool voice acting. Countless ways to play. Easy to control racing/fighting. Problematic camera placement during drives/fights. Repetitive task missions/detective sequences after 10-hours or so. Sweet martial arts upgrading system. OUTSTANDING soundtrack (not counting the karaoke, of course).

The Sleeping Dogs “Racer Pack” DLC to be released next week, October 16.

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