WWE BACKLASH 2016 [Preview]: Talking Smack.
For Smackdown Live‘s first ever PPV event, WWE Backlash 2016, we over here at the Ringside Apostles decided to do something a little different for our usual monthly preview: a conversation, if you will. So, leave it to “The Sean & Shawn Show” to predict and preview the 6-match card in chat format.
Can you dig it, suckuh!!!!
SEAN FARRELL: Let me go on record right now: this PPV is gonna be weak. Like, 2.5 bibles weak. It may have some solid work–as our favorite “Bishop”, Richard Zom likes to say–but just, overall, a lackluster show.
SHAWN PUFF: And I’ve liked Smackdown Live! This card makes me question that. SIX MATCHES?! Is it a short PPV for 9..9 cents??
SEAN: Um, does this even need a “Kick-off”show?!
SHAWN: Ha! Right? Looks like we’re going to actually see some of these matches go longer than the usual 10-15 minutes. Hashtag Old School!
SEAN: Please tell me why you think the Hype Bros are going to lose!
SHAWN: Well, first! Mojo is horrible… ((Man, you ain’t Hype !)) Second, obviously they’re gonna push the Uso’s as HUGE heels now. So, tell the congregation: Are you feeling “Hype”, Mr. Farrell?
SEAN: My heart says.. yes. But I see the Uso’s going over as well. The finals doesn’t make much sense without them there now.
Sean vs. Shawn: Both taking the Uso‘s (so much for “vs.”!).
SEAN: …the biggest pop of the night when Heath and Rhyno win the straps. I hope when these two knuckleeads win they have ticker-tape fall from the ceiling like its the end of Mania and they just won the match of their life! Heath needs this! Think of the Children!
SHAWN: Nah. I think they get beat by the Uso’s clean. The Uso’s will then be chased by American Alpha and a reformed Wyatt Family!
Sean vs. Shawn: Mr. Farrell will take the unlikeliest of teams with the real hot free agent, Rhyno, and the self-proclaimed “hottest” free agent in Heath Slater (“come on, baby!!!”); while Shawn sticks to his heel roots with Jimmy & Jey Uso.
SHAWN: They’ve ruined Bray. He needs a reboot. But…
SEAN: He needs to WIN without outside interference, which… has essentially never happened. I see nothing unusual here and Randy wins via “RKO Outta”. We’ll all see it coming a mile away.
SHAWN: Listen. I know it’s Randy Orton. I get it. But what’s best for business is for Wyatt to win, and the Wyatt Family is going to be reformed and be dominant. I hope.
Sean vs. Shawn: Sean = RKO! Shawn = Bray Wyatt wins with The Fam.
SEAN & SHAWN: Ugggh… do we HAVE to do the 6 pack challenge ??
SEAN: No. They’ll give it to Bella.
SHAWN: I think Becky wins the belt. She’s the only horsewoman on Smackdown Live. It’s their time right now. Becky gets the belt, and goes heel.
SEAN: Leaving two faces on SD Women’s division ?
SHAWN: Yeah. I guess she can’t go heel — but she’s still winning the belt
Sean vs. Shawn: Sean = Nikki “look at me !” Bella / Shawn = Becky Lynch!
SEAN: I say it’s time for the “Show Stealer” to steal the show and win the belt. Miz doesn’t need it and having him chase it makes more sense to me.
SHAWN: You can’t take the belt from this. The Miz is doing great right now. If Mike loses the belt it has to be because he’s getting a push into the world title picture!
SEAN: And Zig continues to not get the job done. It’s a lose-lose.
SHAWN: Miz is gonna beat Dolph. He’s on a roll. He just dropped that great “pipe bomb” on Smack Talk Live. Agree to disagree on this one.
Sean vs. Shawn: Sean = Dolph Ziggler / Shawn = Miz retains.
SEAN: I gotta go with Styles winning. Dean as champ has been underwhelming. But what do you do with AJ after that? Have the real face that runs the place come back and…
SHAWN: Hey! Where is Cena?! I’d rather see AJ and Randy Orton face off. We’ve seen AJ “BEAT UP JOHN CENA” enough as it is. So, we both have Dean losing to AJ, and hoping he gets a new hair cut. By the way, as disappointed as I’ve been with Dean Ambrose, this is my match of the night.
SEAN: Miz and Ziggler going to do what they do best. Steal the show and Prove them wrong !
Sean & Shawn: Predictions for both: WWE Backlash 2016 = 2.5-3 Bibles, at best.
Wait. So we’re done? That’s it? This took longer to write than the PPV itself will be.