Fantasy Football [Recap/Week 4 Preview]: Gettin’ Busy by the Pigskin of our teeth!

Another wild week in the NFL. At this point, we really have no idea who the hell is in contention to win the Super Bowl — unless your name is Jason “Seattle” Sacks, the very man who beat me this week. Of course! We’re also heading towards the “bye” weeks, so be prepared to see many of your studs sit out the upcoming weeks out. Do make sure you’ve got a capable QB and other skill players handy. Our guest this week only makes it all the more righteous, considering his Steady Mobbers eeked by my stepbrother with a fantastic Monday Night comeback.

“The Monsignor” Travis Moody: Someone just about avoided the dreaded 0-3 start. What the hell went on there last night, Ray?

“The Abbot” Ray Getsbusy: Listen. Football isn’t all about your records. I dunno man, My RB’s and WR’s just aren’t putting up the points. I’ve left some points on the bench with but overall its’ been a crazy start with lots of teams putting up crazy numbers fantasy-wise. 3 weeks in and we’ve had at least 3 teams per week have scores above 100. Some of my guys are just barely working out their off season injuries or what not. QB wise, I have decent guys that will give me a consistent 15+ points a week. We’ll see, man.It’s barely Week 3 so I’mma hope for a bump soon. I mean, at least I moved up in the rankings this week.

Stolen!

Moody: No, no, they’re not. That’s why Antonio Brown gave you a monstrous 31.6. You also have Shady McCoy who is never bad. 21.8 on Thursday. As far as QB’s, You have Matty Ice. And this week he plays the Patriots and their mystery secondary. They either make big plays or allow them. I like that Sunday Night match-up in your favor. Man… didn’t you WIN last night? You don’t sound like you’re in the dumps! And, if it wasn’t for the ageless Peyton Manning (we can already see this weekly feature becoming redundant because of him), you would have won the week. Doesn’t Manning’s teammates, Julius Thomas and Matt Prater ring a bell, Mr. Getsbusy? Why, hello!

“The Mad Monk” Billy Mau: Manning is showing what kind of QB thrives long term in the NFL. My QB Kaepernick (who I bemoaned getting ever since my stupid autodraft picked him) is showing why you don’t see the runners stick around for long (unless you get a few years in prison to give the body a break like Mike Vick did). If Kap wants a career, he needs to go to the zoo, hop some fences and kick as many animals in the nuts as possible so that he can get some prison time to work on himself. After blowing up for 30 points in Week 1, homeskillet has been looking pretty exposed. Same with RG3. More reading defenses and less reading options.

Ray: Kap getting exposed like asses at a nude beach. Same for Robert Griffin. Running QBs are fun to watch ’til they get hurt or run out of steam. My Terrelle Pryor got a concussion last night on a bad hit. Hopefully he recovers well. Matt Ryan has been consistent, but in keeping with being a Raider faithful, I want to keep Pryor. With Jay Cutler still available also, it’s a toss up on dropping or keeping Ryan.

Hey guys, stop calling me “Richard.” Thanks.

Moody: I wouldn’t do it. And, then, why oh why, year after year, do such speed QB’s — like this week’s running stud, Cam Newton — get picked higher over the more consistent traditional passers like a Ryan or a Cutler? I figured my man from Boston College would put up at least 3 TD’s/per. Is it because we’re starting to see the better passers in the league too reliant on their targets (i.e. the banged up Gronk, Roddy White), as opposed to their feet?

Ray: Yeah. I was hoping Manning was more hurt on that sack than he was. Houston needed to hurt him for the league. Thing is, I know I won my Fantasy, but that Raiders loss still bugs me despite not really expecting a win vs. Denver at Denver anyway. The fact that I benched Pryor — after such a hot start — also angered me. Thankfully, I still slipped by. It’s amazing we’re even talking about the kid. So, the battle of big laser-legged QBs, Pryor and RG3, should be nasty. But, how bout them Batflecks, Mr. Beantown? What a hole you dug yourself in early on. And you know that Nicole is most hated right now; but surprisingly, even with Peyton, 2-1 and not in first.

Moody: Lannister Lefties is Savanna. Nicole is Hong Kong Cavs.

Ray: Oh! lol… I correct myself then. I hate Savannah, simply for beating me in Week 1. And, at 3-0 — and the only undefeated team in our league — Nicole is still most hated! lol

Sooooooooo undefeated.

Moody: I’m sure she’ll appreciate that. You, sir, are a woman hater. But don’t worry, I “hate” The Neophyte too. ūüôā

Billy: Trav, your speed QBs get drafted higher because most people are more in-tune with Madden than reality. Madden consistently sends Cam right to a 99 rating usually before the end of the first franchise system. And what is that based on exactly? That 14-21 career record? Plus, everyone wants the running quarterback to be the thing. That’s why so much gets made of them. ESPN loves them so much that it gets them naked and takes suggestive photos of them in the name of art. No one is putting Peyton in the body issue.

Once again we had some surprising names in the 20-point club. We had mediocre QBs (Jake Locker, the possibly benched for Week 4 Christian Ponder, and the Jets’ Geno Smith), and some Cleveland Browns (Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron…even Bryan Hoyer almost cracked the list). And of course you have to mention everyone’s knee jerk start for next week: Dallas’ Demarco Murray. Is there anyone catching either of you guys’ attention so far?

Moody: Well, the most coveted pick-up every week is the running back who doesn’t get hurt and that’s the Jets’ Bilal Powell (from the Louisville Cardinals). Freaking Meatheads have been getting all of the juicy waiver wire choices – not that it’s mattered a ton. I actually went and picked up KC’s D based on their match-up this week with the Giants. What an attrocious dish they were served by Cam and company. It’s a testament to how deep the Hong Kong Cavs roster is to withstand the onslaught from Newton and still win out quite heavily. She’s got Jordy on a bye and now the aforementioned Gordon filling in. Oh, the Pats are now splitting 3 backs? Time to start the Bengals fresh rook Gio Benard. And, Luck keeps playing well. Nicole’s match-up this weekend with the Seattle StuporSonics — complete with Jason’s continuous benching of Arian Foster and Darren McFadden for Lamar Miller and Bernard Pierce(!!) — should be one for the ages.

How Piercing.

Billy:¬†I’d bench Foster too until he gets a full time workload. Being a Texans fan, he hasn’t done anything yet except making me yell at my TV.¬†Giovani Bernard is timesharing as well. I’m always distrustful of the small backs in these situations. They won’t get the goal line carries.¬†Grabbing the KC defense is a smart move. Never hurts to see who is playing the Jags or GMen any given week.

Ray:¬†Well it seems that my QB decision may be an easy one to make since Pryor didn’t workout today. Let’s hope he feels better by Sunday because I really want to see him up against RG3. Benching McFadden isn’t too much of a stretch since the Raiders D line is not good right now. They need to step it up to give the former Razorback more room to move. Had it not been for those trick plays, I don’t think he would have got the points he did this week which weren’t impressive. Billy, sorry for Kapernot… Even if he shakes off these post Super Bowl jitters, what’s the Niners O gonna look like with the loss of Aldon Smith for the season?

Billy:¬†I have Kap and I’m benching him as I take Trav’s Batflecks. Kaeperbust is going to ride the pine as the Pride of TCU, the Joltin’ Ginger, The Red Rocket, the one and only Andy Dalton steps into the starting lineup to hopefully produce a double-digit score…something Kap hasn’t done the last two weeks. Now I’m picking the Bat-Townies to win in my official picks (because I’ve lost both times I’ve picked myself), but I think our commish is in some trouble. His starting QB is on a bye and Megatron is the only guy in his starting lineup I trust to make points happen. Everyone else is their team’s second or third option. It’s entirely possible that the Kansas City defense will be his highest scorer this week. I’m not even going to talk smack about the team or it’s dumb name because it’s just a sad situation for them right now.

(Shhh… The Giants D put him to sleep.)

Moody:¬†Hey, we “Face-Off” each week about The League and our League, and now it’s time to “Face-Off” for real. Luckily for you, Rodgers is out and I have Captain Checkdown Alex Smith filling the void. I just couldn’t keep Big Ben with all those huge sacks and turnovers. Hopefully, that move doesn’t bite me in the ass. Speaking of biting, Frank Gore needs some redemption. If Kaptain Kaeperoo isn’t getting it done, it’s time to go ol’ score Gore this Thursday Night against the Rams. Harbaugh and his playcallers won’t do that, of course — despite Murray blazing St. Louis for huge #’s and after only giving Frankie 11 carries last week. They hate him, and they hate me. And, my team hates me. The next Bruce Wayne is more ashamed of this Fantasy team than his demented son Damien. What my Fantasy team needs is a goddam lazarus pit to heel the shit out of my fellas. I need more from Rob Gronkowski than the strippers he gronks on Tuesday mornings. Word is he’s 60/40. Sure, It doesn’t look good on paper for me against the Hobo’s, but it should all come down to the receptions of the NFC East stallions, Jackson and Bryant. Also, I like my Hilton up against Jax. Like you said earlier, you like anyone against Jax. Something’s gotta give…

Billy:¬†As I said, yours is a team of second and third options. Frank Gore is no good in this offense. He’s a power runner. Give him a fullback and an I-Formation and he’s all about it. Put him next to Kap in the shotgun and play that wishy washy read option and he’s got nothing. Hilton is the third receiver for Indy, Fred Jackson is in a timeshare (plus he’s a power back and Buffalo has gone pistol) and there really isn’t that much more there. That said, I look forward to seeing you beat Off A Hobo this weekend. (That joke will NEVER get old).

Look, I’ll still take Commissioner Moody over a FOX Commissioner Gordon any day.

Moody: Says you. More stirring, it’s the Battle of the Back-Ups QBs!¬†¬†Here’s to hoping it’s an even more slithering match-up than the Puckish Rogue victory over Derek’s (then) Dominating Disciples. 0.2 fucking point margin. How about a point-1 victory? Would be the talk of the town for months. Mr. Abbot, before granting you with some closing thoughts, I’d like you to take a moment to tell our congregation just what it is you do for the Holy Grail of Geekdom at GHG. Perhaps after this week, maybe you’ll even “engineer” yourself a nice comeback in Fantasy too, eh?

Ray:¬†My commish has more issues than just his team name. As for what the Abbott does, much like Wu-Tang’s RZA I compose assemble and produce our lovely podcasts. I’m the behind the scenes Master Splinter of the crew… but you’ll hear more of my lip come Call of Duty: Ghosts/Next-Gen console time. Back to football, yes, the¬†Niners are in trouble. KC defense against the Giants is far from a sure thing. the other Manning might just get out of his funk and flex this week. Yeah Week 4 is looking up in the air for me as well. Jones-Drew was questionable last week, yet still powered for 15 points from my bench. I’m predicting a win for me this week but I can’t say for sure. Too many players not looking all the way healthy is making me squirm. My kicker might be one of my top point makers if big Manning decides to drop hella TDs on Philly. Still only week 4, lots of football left. I’m looking forward and hoping for a playoff spot and maybe winning the Shiva or whatever GHG is calling our trophy.

  • The Mad Monk’s Fantasy Pick Em’s of the Week: The StuporSonics will serve up a First Loss Latte to the Hong Kong Cavs, Lannister’s Lefties will be bogarting the wins and push Snootchie Bootchies to 0-4, Dudes in robes beat dudes in fuzzy loincloths as Derek’s Disciples top the Greyskull Meatheads, Puckish Rogues get the pick over the Steady Mobbers because winners don’t start players from Jacksonville, IheartJAG squeaks past Gryffindor in one of the tightest games of the week, and, of course, in the battle of your favorite Fantasy Geek columnists, the Batflecks get to .500 with a win over Off A Hobo (because I only win when I pick myself to lose). Week 3/Season thus far: 2-4/4-14.
Full-on BBQ!
  • Moody’s NFL Week 4 Pick Em’s: The Niners get their grind back, as Gore’s 2 TD’s topple the Rams, Ravens continue their roll with a big game from Flacco in Buffalo, Bucs get their first win of the season with a new QB, Peterson’s Vikings score plenty of times at home to beat the tired Steelers, Chiefs go to 4-0 with a squeeker by the G-Men, Colts roll over the Jags, my upset special of the week sees the homer Texans knocking off the undefeated Seahawks, Bengals barely scrape by the Browns in the 4th, Lions, Tigers and Bears oh my Megatron!, Jets somehow win on the road against the Titans, Without Pryor, the Skins pick up a road victory in Oakland, Eagles not fast enough for Peyton’s Place, Rivers gets the last laugh as the Chargers and ‘Boys combine for nearly 80 points, Brady takes the New Pats to 4-0 over the injured Falcons and BC album Matty Ice on Sunday Night, and the Saints entertain the Dolphins to a close victory. (Panthers, Packers on a bye). Week 3/Season thus far: 7-9/27-21.

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