Guess what day it is! That’s right, it’s Friday and we all know what that mean– I should have reviewed Friday the 13th XXXIII instead of pro wrestling, but oh well.
I’m your boy Shawn Puff and it’s time for us to put on our jumpsuits, roll up a doobie, fire up the ‘ole Waybach Machine and get ready for another episode of Flashback Friday! So we’ve had a run of interesting shows so far and I’m sure that’s not going to change this week. Why’s that you ask? Because we’re going back to August, 1993.
Incidentally, the Pope is a week into his visit to the US, the Dow Jones is about to hit an all-time high of $3,612.43, and “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by UB40 is heading into its fifth week at number one in America. Now that the mood is set, grab your best sparkly Storm Trooper helmet because we’re headed to Daytona Beach, Florida for Clash of the Champions XXIV.
Clash of the Champions was a WCW series that featured pay-per-view caliber matches; but instead of being on PPV, they were free on the SuperStation TBS. There were some memorable and forgettable moments throughout the history of the Clash and this night will be no different. To begin, Tony Schiavone and Jesse “The Body” Ventura are on commentary. I love Jesse!! Next, we find out that Flyin’ Brian Pillman is injured and won’t be competing tonight. However, WCW is making the Hollywood Blondes defend the titles anyway and Lord Steven Regal will be the substitute for Pillman. Oh boy.
NWA/WCW World Tag Team Championship: The Horsemen (Arn Anderson & Paul Roma) vs the Hollywood Blondes (Steve Austin & Lord Steven Regal) w/ Sir William & Brian Pillman (c) – Nice airbrushed Horsemen shirts you got there Arn and Paul. Did you get them made down at the beach before the show? And who decided Regal would be the substitute? This guy is the LEAST fitting person to be one of the Hollywood Blondes. First and foremost, he’s not even frickin’ blonde, FFS!! This wasn’t necessarily a bad match in hindsight. Granted, Regal is a great technical wrestler and he’s teaming with Steve Austin. So, yeah. Conversely, was Paul Roma not the most forgettable Horsemen ever? Seriously (And remember, Steve “Mongo” McMichael was a Horsemen, so there’s that).
It comes to an end when Sir William jumps on the apron with Pillman’s crutch… Wait. What? Why does Sir William have Pillman’s crutch? Doesn’t Pillman need it? Did he give it to William or did he just take it? Is Pillman sitting down? So many questions. Anyway, the ref is distracted by Regal and Austin attempts to send Anderson, head first, into the crutch. That doesn’t turn out so well and, to make a long story short, Arn rolls up a stunned Austin (pun intended) with a schoolboy and the Horsemen win the titles. I don’t know how I feel about a substitution and a wonky fuck finish to have the titles change hands in favor of the faces. I mean, why didn’t Regal break up the pinfall? He just LET the ref go count the pin? What a dick!! – 2.5/5
Beautiful Bobby vs 2 Cold Scorpio – What? So Regal was scheduled to wrestle and they pick his replacement as Beautiful Bobby?? Why would you not just put him in the tag match then? Does anyone think that makes any sense? Bobby Eaton is so much more of a better fit with the frickin’ Hollywood Blondes. Whatever. “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton got his mullet AND his last name cut apparently.
On a side note, Schiavone says the mystery man will arrive in a brand new Z-28 Camaro and you can win one!! Scorpio was ahead of his time. To illustrate, he puts Bobby on the top rope, climbs up himself, and delivers a dropkick sending Bobby to the floor, and then slingshots himself over the top on top of him. About a minute later, it’s a 360 Splash and 2 Cold wins. At least it was a decent match. – 2.5/5
Mask vs Norma Jean Match: Maxx Payne w/ Norma Jean vs Johnny B. Badd – To begin with, Norma Jean is Maxx Payne’s guitar. Secondly, What the fuck is this mask and boa that Johnny B. Badd is wearing?? He looks like a f’n bird. Get the fuck out of here right now. For those of you who don’t know, Payne shot Badd in the face with his own “BaddBlaster” at Clash XXIII. Thus, Badd is wearing a mask because of the injuries. Injuries from confetti. Seriously? Who wrote this shit?
Payne rips Badd’s mask off but he had another one on underneath! Genius! Payne goes for a splash off the second rope, misses and Johhny drapes his arm over for the pin. Wow. After the match, Johnny takes the guitar and says he’s going to reveal what he looks like on WCW Saturday. In essence, it was pointless for Maxx Payne to lose his guitar in this match. Great booking. – DUD
Next up, we get Flair For The Gold with Ric Flair and his guests STING, the British Bulldog and their mystery guest. To point out, I don’t know what the whole point of Fifi is but I appreciate her and he little maid outfit. Something tells me the PC police would be all over this today. STING and Bulldog are awkward on a talk show format, sitting on a couch. Sid Vicious and the Harlem Heat come out with Colonel Robert Parker and interrupt. Flair tells Sid to calm down because they’re going to tell us who their special tag team partner for War Games is going to be. The lead up to introducing the Shockmaster is almost as cringe as the actual entrance.
EVERYBODY knows what happens next. The fans go silent when he tumbles through the wall. When the Shockmaster starts talking, Sid looks surprised at his voice. What follows is one of the worst promos ever cut. Ever. I think people forget how horrible this was because of how bad his actual entrance was falling through the damn wall. Consequently, the Shockmaster was over before it even got started. Then again, it WAS only frickin Tugboat. In conclusion, I don’t rate segments like this but this was basically a train wreck AND a dumpster fire combined. Shocking.
WCW Television Championship: The Dragon Ricky Steamboat vs Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff (c) – Ricky Steamboat comes out with his WWF Dragon gimmick. He’s breathing fire and everything. Adversely, Jesse is making jokes about spectacular entrances in reference to the Shockmaster. LMAO. Savage Jesse. I didn’t know that Paul Orndorff was a New Orleans Saint.
These two had a great back and forth match. Orndorff is so underrated and not talked about enough. It was the third-longest match on the card but it felt like it could have gone longer. It’s a shame it didn’t. In the end, It was a cheesy rollup and Steamboat is the new champion. After the match, Orndorff piledrives the Dragon onto the title belt. I guess he hates shitty finishes too. – 3/5
The Colossal Kongs vs STING & Ric Flair – First, the Colossal Kongs weigh in at 1,001 pounds. Holy fatness. Second, how did they not get a cease and desist for calling one of these guys King Kong? STING slams both of the Kongs, who were never taken off of their feet previously, within seconds of the bell. Way to bury two monsters really quick.
Flair and STING really squash and bury these two. Holy shit. This was like two minutes. I hope they had no plans for these two. Flair didn’t even tag in. So, they put this match on Clash, meanwhile, STING and Ric Flair are going to fight on WCW Saturday Night? What? GTFO – 1/5
Dustin Rhodes & Road Warrior Hawk w/ Road Warrior Animal vs Rick Rude & the Equalizer – The Equalizer was Rick Rude’s bodyguard who would subsequently go on to become Dave Sullivan. It should be noted that Rude did not have good undressing music in WCW. Road Warrior Animal shows up in the Z-28 Camaro. However, this was a swerve. In reality, Road Warrior Hawk would team with Dustin Rhodes.
As a point, Animal says that the Road Warriors walked the aisle with Dusty Rhodes as the Six-Man Tag Team Champions and that’s why they’re walking with Dustin. Rude and Dustin have a deep-seated feud going here but this doesn’t seem like it’s that important of a match at all. It went 7:41, which was 7:41 too long. It even finished awkwardly. The Equalizer was going for a body slam, meanwhile, Hawk went to the top and jump into them, knocking Dustin on top of the Equalizer. Seriously. Who booked this shit? – 1/5
WCW World Championship: British Bulldog vs Big Van Vader (c) w/ Harley Race – First and foremost, if Vader gets disqualified, he loses the title. This is a brawl from the start. They fought outside the ring. They fought inside the ring. What we see here is classic WCW big man wrestling. They give off big bursts filled in with solid fundamental wrestling. I wouldn’t compare this conversely to Bret Hart vs Shawn Michaels, but it was easily the best match on the card. Notwithstanding, we have to end it with a fuck finish of course.
Bulldog catches Vader on his shoulder but Vader’s foot kicks the ref and knocks him out. Bulldog goes for a suplex and Harley Race lands a chop block to the back of Bulldog’s knee. As a result, Vader lands on top of Bulldog, quiet roughly I might add, and the ref comes to and counts to three. Way to ruin a good match and end a feud on a shitty note. After the match ended, Cactus Jack ran down the ramp and attacked Vader. Vader quickly got out of there and the show came to an end. – 3/5
Overall, this show was pretty bad. It had a couple of bright spots but not enough to warrant watching it again… I mean, other than the Shockmaster debut. Watch that again. Watch it over and over again. It’s that bad.
This might have been the worst Clash of the Champions ever. At least, I hope that’s the case. This almost wants to make me smash the Waybach Machine, but I won’t. We’ll just move on and hopefully, next week will be better. Maybe next week we’ll make it a November to Remember and we can forget about the shit show that was Clash of the Champions XXIV.
Overall = 1.5/5 Bibles
– Shawn Puff