Ringside Apostles Presents… FLASHBACK FRIDAY [Episode 13]: November to MisRemember!

Shawn Puff
@ShawnPuffy

It’s Friday once again. It’s your boy Shawn Puff. And this… well, you know what this is. It’s time to break out the Waybach machine once again. First and foremost, I’m over all of the bad shows we’ve had lately. This week, I decided to look for something that at least had mixed reviews so it could possibly be watchable. I also decided that we can’t go through the month of November and not take a trip back to ECW.

Therefore, this week, we’re setting the dial for Moncava, PA on November 30, 1997, for ECW November to Remember. Bill Clinton is thankful for his desk in the Oval office, Monica is thankful for the rug and we’re thankful that this… is Flashback Friday!!!

We’re in the Golden Dome in Moncava, Pennsylvania for tonight’s show. Joey Styles promises us a November to Remember to get things started. Uh-oh. Didn’t he do something like this before and we were extremely disappointed? Please God, no. I’m going to be the one to point out that this is all super low budget but it’s ECW in 1997 so I’ll give it a pass. Bob Artese is our ring announcer for the evening. Good ole Bob.

Tommy Rogers vs Chris Candido – If you don’t know who Tommy Rogers is, don’t feel bad. I didn’t either. Apparently, he was one half of The Fantastics with Bobby Fulton. There’s your fun fact of the week. Joey Styles suggested that this would be the sleeper match of the night at the start. I agree with him if you put the emphasis on SLEEPER. The crowd was chanting boring during one of the armbars and I can’t blame them. I can’t help but think of Mike Awesome when I see Tommy Rogers. Is that just me? Lance Storm, who is a prospect for the Triple Threat interferes. This leads to Jerry Lynn interfering as well since Rogers is his tag team partner.

Chris Candido & Lance Storm vs Tommy Rogers & Jerry Lynn – So this is a cluster fuck and the ref is just letting it go. Cool story bro. Finally, the ref grabs a mic and turns this train wreck into a tag team match. Wait… Why the fuck does Lance Storm have a BLONDE rat tail?? Someone answer that for me, please. Anyway, Candido pins Rogers with a northern lights suplex after all of that. Whatever. – 3/5

Justin Credible w/ Jason vs Mikey Whipwreck – Jason has a big fucking head, so let’s just get that out of the way first and foremost. Second, I just don’t get the IWC’s infatuation with Whipwreck. He’s just horrible in my opinion. Maybe I’m just a dick conversely. Of course, Jason gets involved. Those jeans he’s wearing are atrocious too. Are they supposed to be tuxedo jeans? Or is he supposed to be a sailor? Maybe he’s a new recruit to the Moncava police force. I don’t know. Whipwreck hits an impressive Whippersnapper off of the top rope to get the win. – 2/5

Next, Joey Styles informs us that Al Snow is in the locker room getting head. Ahem. … This is the humor we’re going with here? First, he’s not even GETTING head. He’s leaning over on a chair talking to head. Head, of course, is the mannequin head that Snow carries around with him. SuperNova, Blue Meanie, and a few others are with Snow. This is just weird. Really, really weird. I don’t even know.

ECW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Taz (c) vs Pitbull #2 – Before we start, I just want to ask who thought Pitbull #1 & Pitbull #2 were good names? Seriously. Talk about lazy creative. The crowd is chanting “Fuck him up Taz! Fuck him up!” I guess we know who they’re behind. Number Two gets control early but it doesn’t last long as a few Tazplexes lead to a Tazmission and this one is over. After the match, Taz grabs the mic and calls out Mr. Wright and his goon, Brakkus. Eventually, Brakkus rips his shirt off and gets on the apron. Security jumps into the ring and gets between the two of them as a result. Taz gets pretty pissed and slaps one of the security guards. Then Taz slaps the Tazmission on the security guard and they cut to Bigelow vs Spike Dudley in ECW Arena. Genius! 1/5

ECW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP (Elimination Match): The F.B.I. (c) vs The Dudley Boyz vs Balls Mahoney & Axel Rotten vs the Gangstanators – We come back from the cutaway to Tommy Rich talking trash to the fans in attendance. He goes on and on until the Dudleys interrupt. Subsequently, a chant of “Fuck you Devon” erupts in the Golden Dome. Joel Gertner does one of his incredible intros. Incidentally, I would hire Gertner as a ring announcer if I ever had my own company. I fricking love Joel Gertner intros. Furthermore, after listening to that intro, it dawned on me that Big Dick Dudley just wouldn’t work in today’s political atmosphere. Honestly, He would be canceled midmatch.

Axel Rotten and Balls Mahoney get in the ring next. Notably, they bring chairs and attack the Dudleys from behind with them. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway. But wait… where are the Gangstanators? After about five minutes, John Kronus and New Jack join us. As if this weren’t enough of a shit show already. On a side note, John Kronus actually died in Sarah’s apartment complex. There’s an extra #FunFact for you this week. Of course, we’ve confirmed it wasn’t in HER apartment. Meanwhile, this has turned into a complete clusterfuck tbh. Moreover, I think this is an elimination match. And Kronus just tried to pin Big Dick Dudley, who isn’t even in the match.

Then New Jack jumped from the top rope and exploded a guitar over Tommy Rich’s head. Consequently, he was busted open. Kronus and New Jack are the first eliminated. Does that mean that we don’t get New Jack’s music for the rest of the match? Next Gertner attempts to toss salt in Mahoney’s eyes but he moves and it gets Bubba Ray, who unintentionally hits Devon with a 3-D allowing Rotten to get the pinfall and eliminate the Dudleys. EVERYBODY is bloody. The frickin managers are bloody. In the end, referee Jeff Jones turns heel and refuses to count a pin, hits Mahoney in the nuts, and counts a pin for the F.B.I. WTF??? – 2/5

Rob Van Dam w/ Bill Alfonso vs Tommy Dreamer w/ Beulah McGillicutty – First RVD and Bill Alfonso come out with Alfonso wearing a RAW hat in spite of the fact that this is ECW. Joey Styles specifically responds by trashing the WWF and saying that he would never work for them. With this in mind, I’d love to go let him know that he would, in fact, work for the WWF/WWE in the future. Yeah, I know, it would change the timeline and blah blah blah. Don’t worry, I’m just going to check out Beulah. These two guys are still babies. RVD is only 26 and Tommy Dreamer looks about 23. We all know this is going to be a great match so I’m not going to give you play by play in this case. RVD caught his right eye and he’s split open the hard way.

Of course, Bill Alfonso keeps getting involved, otherwise, Dreamer would have won this already. Eventually, he just knocks the ref out. As a result, THREE other refs come out to the ring. I’m sure this is going to be just fine. Jeff Jones is stopping the other refs from counting Dreamer’s pinfalls. Now Jones wants to fight the other officials. In response, Beulah nails Jones in the nuts. Next, the refs follow that up with a double DDT. Then Alfonso hits both of those two refs in the nuts. WTF. Beulah takes over ref duties and it means nothing but I don’t care. Let her count.

Beulah says it’s done and Dreamer holds up the ECW flag. Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon, both signed to the WWF, come out and attempt to get in the ring. Dreamer fights them off. Meanwhile, Stevie Richards slips in the ring from the other side and lands a perfect superkick laying Dreamer out. They all beat down Dreamer and Alfonso counts a three count and announces RVD as the winner. Alfonso pulls out a WWF flag and drapes it over the ring. They set up Dreamer on a table. Sabu comes out and clotheslines Beulah off the top rope. This entire match has been a fuck finish. … Wait… another match is starting now????3/5

TABLES & LADDERS MATCH: Sandman vs Sabu w/ Bill Alfonso – Way to transition into the next match. Holy clusterfuck. And now we get this. I’m pretty sure Sandman is drunk. I’d like to point out that it’s a tables and ladders match because this is ECW and chairs are just expected and needn’t be specified. True story. To start, Sabu dives through the ropes onto Sandman. Yup this is gonna be wild. I just watched Sandman suplex the table onto Sabu. That is not a typo. I specifically love that security sets a new table up once someone goes through one.

This match is brutal. Hey, the crowd started a chant. “Fuck him up Sandman! Fuck him up!” How original. At some point, Sandman puts both Sabu and himself through a table and neither of them moves. Seriously, they both look dead. In the end, Sabu gets the victory but did ANYONE really win here?? This was a total slop fest. – 1/5

ECW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: Bam Bam Bigelow (c) vs Shane Douglas w/ Francine – To begin, here’s a little back story. Bam Bam Bigelow turned on the Triple Threat and beat Douglas for the title in the first place. As a result, we’re here. Got it? Good. Another key point is that Francine is on crutches with a hairline fracture to her pelvis caused by Bigelow. In reality, the fans were just not into this main event. I won’t say it was bad. It was just slow.

Douglas hits a powerbomb through a table the crowd consequently erupts. It’s clear that everyone wants this to pick up but Bigelow kept it at his tempo. Francine called the Triple Threat to come help. Obviously, this doesn’t make sense because she just made a gesture. Why would security just let them hang out at Gorilla? Come on. Even so, officials were able to keep Storm and Candido from the ring and drag them to the back. Eventually, Douglas would reverse a powerbomb attempt into a belly to belly through a table to win the title and the crowd goes wild. Huh? I thought Douglas was the heel? Never mind. – 2.5/5

Overall this show was a mixed bag. The opening match was pretty entertaining and that flag match was easily the match of the night. The main event could have been better if it wasn’t so slow and plodding. Sandman versus Sabu was just bad. I don’t know what else to say about it. In fact, the rest of the show was just skippable. In conclusion, this wasn’t the best pay per view but it certainly wasn’t the worst either. If you’re into sloppy, botchy deathmatches, you probably loved this show. Me, not so much. I’d be better off to not Remember this November. – 2/5 Bibles.

-Shawn Puff

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