Greetings from the East Coast, fellow geeks and geekettes. We’ve got snow, wind, cold, and plenty of comics to go over. Introductions are done, so it’s time to move on to…

Jason “Bad Preacher” Bud
SIDEWAYS #1 – DC Comics

Sideways #1??? Really??? Yeah…I got yer fukkn Sideways…‘til Tuesday. What is it with DC (and Marvel) continually regurgitating the same, tired, bullshit comic book tropes they created a good 75+ years ago now??? A meek-and-mild-mannered-man-of-modest-means falls prey to some unexplained or supernatural phenomenon that devastates his surrounding environment, but for some enigmatic reason, he’s spared and imbued with extraordinary powers beyond all mortal measure; while everyone else and everything around him is obliterated into oblivion???

Do you really wanna waste yer time slogging thru this unimaginative tripe about a cocky high school kid who happens to be DC’s equivalent of a low-rent Spider-Man/Nightcrawler hybrid, jammed into an adolescent-constructed super-zero costume, patched together from a low-grade-looking Venom leotard, with an arrow on it literally pointing down to his crotch??

  • How’s this for a more compelling backstory for ya: there’s a DC stupor-hero called Cockeyed, who comes from genetically-engineered-neanderthal-semen merged with an irradiated alien egg cell from Los Alamos, via intrauterine insemination? After being prematurely born, Cockeyed’s given his namesake becuz he’s born.. cockeyed. Whenever Cock’s body chemistry changes, he’s susceptible to migraine-headache-level-inducing-eye-bulging, and his eyes will literally pop out of their sockets and begin to orbit around his skull like planets around the Sun. When this happens, Cockeyed experiences his “Eyedey Sense,” giving him the ability to see within and travel through multiple dimensions; where he can freely manipulate our known space-time-continuum. Ultra-heavy doses of caffeine and crystal methamphetamines (tub tweak) will amplify his powers; while directly injecting massive quantities of the pharma drugs known as Reglan or Propofol (Thriller Dust) into his eyeballs will render him powerless and make him prone to vitreous humour explosion

The artwork and formatting of Sideways 001 is visually clever and compelling, but the concept and storyline for this character are more Dick Cheez than Detective Comics. Quit playing it safe, guys. I mean, you’re obviously not banking like the Dismaland/Marredbull/Star Worn behemoth is, but how about taking some risks and changing it up a little???

Oh yeah…I forgot to mention (SPOILER) that the “villain” who shows up on the last page of Sideways #1 looks like John Candy’s Barf (from Mel Brooks Spaceballs, 1987) had sex with Tim Curry’s Darkness (from Ridley Scott’s Legend, 1985), he’s wearing a costume that’s gotta be made out of a ribbed baseball umpire’s uniform, and he’s holding a giant Pixie Stik. 2.5/5 My Skidmarked Underoos Made A Better Super Zero Costume.

-Jason Bud

“Minister” Keith Dooley

Dark Knights Rising: The Wild Hunt is an essential chapter in the Metal saga. Besides being a continuation from the previous chapter of Metal, themes and characters from Final Crisis and the Multiversity are appropriately featured since one of the book’s four writers is the great Grant Morrison. Although Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV, and Joshua Williamson are the other credited writers, Morrison’s ideas and voice are threaded throughout. There is a zany and pure fun in this story involving the evil Batmen, the Justice League, Detective Chimp (!), and some surprise characters.

The art is divided between Howard Porter, Jorge Jimenez, and Doug Mahnke. Jimenez is clearly the star of this issue. From the dynamism of his layouts to the detailed expressions on his characters’ faces, Jimenez deserves to become a superstar artist. He brings a youthful quality and unique vision to his art that is pure magic. His colorist, Adriano Lucas, also brings an essential and vibrant addition to the art. Porter’s contribution is gorgeous as well. His art has become so different and better than what he did in the 90’s and feels rich with emotion. Mahnke’s art is solid yet the inking by Jamie Mendoza sometimes muddies the art and darkens it too much.

No matter if you are a Morrison fanatic or just a fan of purely fun and inventive comics, The Wild Hunt is something that you’ll need to devour more than once. And if you take one thing away from this one shot, it’s that you will demand a Detective Chimp solo title. 4/5 Detective Chimps.

-Keith Justin Dooley

Destiny “Evangelical” Edwards
KICK-ASS #1 – Image Comics

Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr. are back with all-new, all-different Kick-Ass. Patience Lee comes home from a tour in Afghanistan to find her husband gone and her life in shambles. Her solution? Become Kick-Ass and steal from the gangsters to give to the poor. It seems to  It’s fine; Romita’s art is great as always. As an addition to the Kick-Ass mythos, it does the job, but doesn’t seem like it’s much too special. Neither here nor there, there might just be so far the Kick-Ass title can go, and maybe we’re reaching its limits. It feels Kick-Ass-esque, at least. 3/5 Bibles.

-Destiny Edwards

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