THE E3ODUS [E3 2016 Preview, Day 6]: The ‘Evil’ That Men Do.

With the Electronic Entertainment ExpoE3, parishioners — just one week away, we’ve still got a slew of games to preview. Welcome to Day Six!




RESIDENT EVIL 7 (Capcom – PS4/PS3, X1/360, PC – TBA 2017) – As of now we know very little about RE7, other than the fact that Capcom is prioritizing it over a remake/remastered version of Resident Evil 2, arguably the best game in the series (and the first RE game that I ever played when I bought my very first PS). Either way, I want to feel that sense of dread, of absolute fear, of isolation, of never knowing or ever feeling truly safe–unless (hah) you’re in a safe room/save point. Second, let’s get a combat and targeting system that feels fluid and easy to use. I mean, as much as this Cardinal loved RE1 and RE2, there were way too many close calls of seeing my controller leave a mighty hole through ol’ boob tube. Finally, let’s get an epic story that fills some of the previous plotholes, brings back some of our favorite characters, and features actual zombies! While you don’t have to go heavy with the weapon crafting and vehicular customization (ala Dying Light and Dead Rising), I’ll just settle for celebrating the 20th anniversary of Resident Evil with another great survival horror game.

“BAD PREACHER” JASON BUD @huffmyjenkummuthfukkr

jason b

SOUTH PARK: THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE (Ubisoft – PS4, X1, PC – Late 2016) – This stinkuel to Ubisoft’s best-seller from 2014, South Park: The Stick of Truth, should hopefully be squeezing forth from betwixt a pair of Douglas fir-lined butt cheeks, just in time to be lumpy-coal-stuffed into the stockings of psychologically deviant boys and girls everywhere in the world come Hanky the Christmas Poo Eve. Cartman and Da Boyz drop their fantasy world RPG shtick, and go full-on Super Hero Mode inside a Fractured But Whole world that portends to rubber-fist-gauntlet South Park, Colorado’s, criminal underbellybutton up to the elbow. The storyline is predicted to be even more historically immersive than The Stick’s; the combat and game mechanics are rumored to go fist-to-toe with other top RPG heavyweights; and the poetic license employed by our squad of heroes is purported to be even more profane than last time! Looks like those candy-asses in Europe will again be looking to censor this filthy sonuvabitch. Bigger Longer & Uncut Up Yer Fractured Whole Bu


Dan Witt

FOR HONOR (Ubisoft – PS4, X1, PC – TBA 2016) – At last year’s E3, I caught a glimpse of a game and I thought I had dreamt it. Did I really see three of my absolute all-time favorite historical warrior archetypes battling it out? Were katanas really clashing against the Norse Axe? (IS THIS THE LIFE?!?!) As it turns out, it was not a dream, but a very real, very gutsy play by Ubisoft to show off what I hope can be this year’s mega sleeper hit. For Honor is, essentially, massive battlegrounds with two sides either attacking or defending. Choose either Samurai, Viking, or Knight, and hack away solo or with friends; yes, it’s a little more involved than that, as Dynasty Warriors it is not. There is a defense mechanic involving the left thumb stick that adds a level of strategy while in combat, so you can forget button-mashing your way to victory.

(cont.) While giddy with excitement over this title, there are many factors that could lead For Honor into absolutely dismal failure. 1.) Lag – Being that a major part of this game is competitive multiplayer, in a melee combat arena, lag switching could make this game absolutely unplayable. 2.) Lack of a Single Player Campaign – Sure, last year’s showing of the multiplayer was cool and all, but for many gamers that’s just not their bag; Ubi has assured us at GodHatesGeeks that there is absolutely going to be a single player campaign, and what E3 will likely showcase is heavy on the single player content. Hopefully it turns out to be expansive, with the possibility for other medieval archetypes to be made available later on in DLC; otherwise, this Disciple predicts the game will get very stale and repetitive, very fast.

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