And severe penance for E3 groundballs!!!
Considering our parish lacks the proper funds of some of the other, luckier churches in the Diocese of Dweeb, this Reverend’s going to make it real easy for you. You see, my friends, I’ve got other gigs. No, no. I gave up selling blueberry squishes and Spalding Pumps a while ago, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. #GHG’s purpose isn’t to pump you with 6500 updates a day, because we know our fellow worshippers have actual lives. Or at least we’re led to believe so.
Yet, without a shadow of a doubt, the Highest has been taking notes about this cherished geek culture of ours. So, we hope this Wrap-up considers your time, and considers the amount of neon unicycles you repaired, the LEGO tree-houses you built, and the spotted kittens you chased down the boulevard.
Today, several things happened and several things didn’t. One of our famed apostles (don’t ask) once labeled this type of hypocrisy down to a very simple word: Hype.
But E3 certainly deserves all the praise — and the hype — in gathering the world of gaming geeks into one place, drilling us with dreaminess. We could just do without the 12 hours of vaunted tidbits. Unless you were lucky to have the day off, that is..
(Then shame on you because I didn’t!)
HALO EFFIN’ 4
Microsoft opened up their press conference with a bang, and perhaps the most anticipated game of the season, Halo 4 (though you’ll always have our blessings to vote differently on the front page). Master Chief’s ongoing communication with Cortana and his exploration of the Requiem’s haunted amazons easily raise the bar for any FPS. Good ol’ Saint Nicholas won’t stop receiving our prayers until we’re able to equip that Forerunner gat this Christmas:
While there’s no secret I’m an Xbox junkie, I never had the chance to admit my one jealous towards Playstation People (oops.. sorry Marlina!): Uncharted. Manne never having the chance to delve through Drake’s world has been a major bummer. After seeing the latest Lara Croft footage today, though.. that jealousy’s easily subsided. I mean, Tomb Raider was my shit in high school!! Now, I feel like a terrible human being for not placing this on Pope John’s poll. Even Harrison Ford would have to agree this all-new(!), all-exciting(!!), all.. anti-Angelina-Jolie(!!!) Tomb Raider would send a shiver up any proper swashbuckler’s spine.
Solid Snake may have won many of the previous battles between Metal Gear and Splinter Cell, but Sam Fisher isn’t without his share of followers. And with fully-integrated use of the Kinnect (finally a reason to buy the darn bloody thing!), interrogating hostile territories may finally pack some creativity! Tom Clancy’s latest Ghost Recon seems cool; Tom Clancy’s latest Splinter Cell seems intense:
A few other tidbits from the Microsoft Press Conference, E3 2012:
• Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 looks JUST LIKE a Call of Duty game! Rad!
• South Park is the best adult cartoon with sarcastic social commentary ever, and the forthcoming RPG, The Stick of Truth, co-created by Trey Stone and Matt Parker, has a chance to outdo Skyrim. Or at least play well with Skyy Vodka
• Xbox Music is dumb. THQ loses UFC to the already monopolizing EA Sports. Wait, wasn’t UFC 3 great? Ah, all the more attention for WWE 13…
• Joe Montana Sports Talk Football is back!! But this time, it’s called Madden 13:
And lest we forget the rightful sequel to Arkham City:
Ultimate Web Rush!!! For lovers of Marvel Alliance, we finally get the Marvel game we deserve — though I did enjoy Captain America: The First Avenger. With a more intuitive Spider-Sense, the open world of ASM takes gamers’ through a scarier wrist-rocket trapeeze act than a first snuff film. Anyways, we better play the demo this week.
Part 2 of Homers and Dingers hits an early morning mass tomorrow before Marlina and I head over to the L.A. Convention Center for a full day of live updates! KEEP SLINGIN’ @GodHatesGeeks