THE ASTROLOGER [Woeful Worship]: Spectacular! Thrilling! Different! What The Fuck?!

Greetings from the internet, fellow geeks and geekettes. Now that SDCC has come and gone, and we here at GodHatesGeeks have rocked it with as much coverage as you could shake a stick at, we're gonna get fuckin' weird. This past weekend, at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Cinema, I had the dubious pleasure of witnessing one of …

ELVES [Woeful Worship]: Tis the Season to Summon Demons! Fa la la la la!

Happy holidays, fellow geeks. While I had intended to look at a Lifetime Christmas movie (oh, worry not, I'll be hitting up those insane nuggets in no time), I took a drunken trip to 1989, where director Jeffrey Mandel unleashed the unintentionally shitty Elves into our yuletide lives. Do you love schlocky, shitty, what-can-only-mockingly-be-called-"horror" movies …

FATAL DEVIATION [Woeful Worship]: You’ll Believe a Monk Can Fly!

Ireland is home to an Irish kung-fu movie. That sentence alone--while baffling--is remarkably, entirely true, and prone to multiple iterations of, "What? Huh? The hell? Why? What drugs did you do? ALL OF THEM?!" and so forth. This is not an urban legend, my fellow congregation, nor is it a mythic sermon. This is a …