ASSASSIN’S CREED UNITY [Review]: Off With Its Head!

Throughout the Assassin’s Creed genre I have scaled the walls of Jerusalem and have dived off the top of the Colosseum in Rome. I have helped bring down the reign of the corrupt Borgia family and traveled the canals of Venice. I met Leonardo Davinci and piloted his flying machine. I helped the United States gain its independence of Britain by fighting in famous battles beside George Washington and the founding fathers. I helped Blackbeard blockade Charleston, dived on sunken shipwrecks and sent others to join them in the murky depths.

Now, in Assassin’s Creed Unity, I have fight in France during its revolution.

Unity has amazing graphics. Paris looks alive with thousands of NPC’s everywhere. One third of the buildings have fully finished interiors. The view from Notre Dame Cathedral at sunset is literally breathtaking. As you roam the streets of Paris you see everything from people working and playing to cooking, cleaning and even getting a little frisky. Paris is virtually alive in every aspect. Unfortunately, though, the graphics seem to be the main focus of this game. The only place you fight in is Paris — and although its kind of big, its nothing compared to the vastness of Black Flag.

Arno Victor Dorian is the Assassin we take control of this time, and lets just say he sucks. First off, his arsenal is weaker than those of Assassins past. Yes, you have the new Phantom Blade, but its just a dart gun with no sleep darts, only lethal (on weak enemies) and berserk.

The only real addition to Arno’s arsenal are poison bombs– that aren’t even available until the last third of the game. Arno is also a horrible fighter. I mean, I know he’s French and everything (BOOM) but give me a break, he’s an Assassin! In past games you were able to hack up 7, 8 or even 20 enemies with enough skill. Now, you’re lucky to take down three at a time. I know where Ubisoft went with this, trying to make the game more about stealth and everything, but I just feel like a master assassin should be able to hold his own.

Jeff Hardy had some incredible ancestors.

Another problem with Arno is his movement. The new parkour system was highly advertised at completely redesigned. Ubisoft, please give me back the old system on the next game. This “new” movement system is almost identical to the old one, except Arno gets stuck everywhere, doesn’t do what you want him to do, and the whole “descent” mechanic is just climbing down really fast. Just wait until the first time your getting shot at and you try going through an open window; good luck, my friend.

As far as Arnos story goes, you just can’t connect to him. Going spoiler-free, lets just say.. he’s on a quest for revenge and that’s about it. He really doesn’t even participate in the revolution. It’s pathetic compared to the epic stories of Altair, Ezio and the Kenways.

The multiplayer is actually kind of good. If you can get it to work, that is. I had multiple disconnects, and that’s if I could even connect in the first place. Once your actually playing the missions — unless your playing with friends — you have to hope that the people doing the mission with you are equipped with good gear and skills or you’ll just be carrying them along. This is due to the fact that, although difficulty levels are specified at the mission start point, if your just starting out in the game you can try the hardest multiplayer missions.

Must be the reaction to the cuts from WWE 2K15.

If you can complete the missions, you get rewarded with gear and upgrade points used to unlock new skills to help your character take on harder missions. Of course if you’re lazy you can use the pay to play option and spend real money to unlock stuff before your supposed to. I kid you not, congregants, Unity has a pay to play option. That– and forced app use if.. you want to unlock one third of the chests in Paris. Oh, merde.

One really fun new aspect is the Murder Mystery Missions. You go to a crime scene and search for clues. Once you have enough evidence, you accuse the suspect, sending them to the slammer (and ultimately to the guillitine). Dont accuse the wrong person though or your end of mission reward will be reduced.

Now, let’s discuss the special armor mission. In past AC games, you have been able to spend hours scouring the map to unlock the games ultimate armor; in Black Flag, you did this by solving all of the Mayan riddles scattered through the Caribbean.

This time around you have to solve the painstaking riddles of Nostradamus that will have you either:
A.) Buying the strategy guide (which only our trusty Bishop does, at this point), or…
B.) Being cheap (and smart) by looking at YouTube for the answer.

He must’ve just turned on “Gotham”.

Once you have spent all that time and finally unlock the ultimate armor, YOU FIND OUT THAT IT’S NOT EVEN ARMOR! IT’S JUST A COSTUME AND YOU WASTED ALL THAT TIME FOR NOTHING!!! YES, THIS IS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM SO PISSED THAT I SPENT ALL THOSE PRECIOUS HOURS OF MY SHORT LIFE FOR NOTHING.

With Assassin’s Creed Unity, Ubisoft tried to make the game about graphics, multiplayer and stealth. Players have always bought the game because of its amazing stories and exotic locations. While the game is fun to play, it just doesn’t hold up to its predecessors. On the next go-around, your true Templar can only hope Ubisoft remembers that Assassin’s Creed has always been single player campaign based, full of history and multiple exotic locations.

And, let’s face it– who really cares about the graphics and the number of pedestrians on-screen when the gameplay is horrible and just feels like it was rushed. Sorry, congregants, there’s no “Unity” among critics with this One.

2 (out of 5) Las Bibles en Français.