CAPTAIN AMERICA – THE WINTER SOLDIER [Review]: Tossin’ this S.H.I.E.L.D. away.

You’d do better than to embrace anything too patriotic this weekend, for there are far better options at the box office: A pre-apocalyptic man chosen by God; a most wanted collection of puppets chosen by Oz; and a group of beautiful-looking teens battling through a series of physical and psychological tests for their own justifiable cause. I mean, who in their right mind would want to watch a comic book come to life? Who really wants to watch explosion after explosion, product placement after blatant-ass product placement? (Nike, Chevy, Harley, HTC, and UA’s Speedform Apollo’s, I see you…) Brainless backstab after backstab? And who in the frack wants to watch an Avengers movie without Thor and Iron Man, anywho?

No “Hulk Smash”?!!? No thanks.

After this most unfortunate screening of Captain America: The Winter Soldier last night, I really wouldn’t mind if this ends up The First Avenger’s last. How dare Marvel deliver a villain more chilling than a Terminator, gun battles more intensifying than Heat, and a legendary actor known more for his ’70s political spy-thrilling gravitas than any other? How dare they? WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS MARVEL THINKING? Oh, I know…

That’s right. The Winter Soldier is awesome, and easily among the most bad-ass superhero movies of all time. While I’m not so quick to rate it any higher than the aforementioned Avengers, The Dark Knight, or even (I know! I know already!) Man of Steel, there’s no doubt this movie has the most riveting, shit-in-your-seat action sequences of any comic movie ever. Much in thanks to 3/4’s of the film taking part in S.H.I.E.L.D. territory, everything about the sequel to 2011’s Captain America: The First Avenger just feels so massive. There’s not one Helicarrier, but three; there isn’t a mere group of operatives hanging around like we see each week on ABC, but a whole army; and the top villain in the film may or may not be The Man with the Mechanical Arm, either…

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