You are Delsin Rowe, a “man with a plan and an aerosol can” (keep reading, you will understand later). Delsin is just your average young Native American kid at the beginning of the game. Well, if you call being constantly arrested for tagging everything in sight average. Oh yeah, the cop that always arrests him is his older brother Reggie (hence the name Second Son).

FAMILY MATTERS

You start off the game tagging up a billboard and being arrested.. when all of a sudden a military truck crashes. Reggie rushes over to try and help the people in the truck, when one of the “convicts” in the back grabs ahold of Delsin (voiced by Troy Baker, who else). One problem though, as soon as the prisoner grabs him, Del sucks up the guys power “like a sponge.” A few minutes and a burnt down fish guttery later, you meet Brooke Augustine, the villain of the game.

A Comics Bulletin billboard? (Finally, something new to tag.)

Brooke heads up the Department of Unified Protection, an agency whose sole purpose is to hunt down and imprison conduits (people with superpowers). Here’s the funny thing though: she and all of her agents are conduits. So yeah, you’re fighting other super powered enemies in this game. To make a long story short, Augustine decides to torture the Akomish people – Delsin’s tribe — to see if they have any information about the prisoners. She does this by putting concrete spikes into them.

A week later, our man wakes up in the hospital fully healed (because he has powers!) and finds out what Augustine did to his people. The only way to cure them is to have the concrete power himself. Delsin and Reggie take off for Seattle, and thus our game begins.

(Cont. on next page!)

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So, whether you took the seemingly #winning side of Sony, remained true to constant back-peddler Microsoft, felt proud of your Wii-U (finally!) delivering superior games, or steered clear of such “next-gen” systems.. that didn’t always work on “Day One”, 2013 was a hell of a lot of fun. So, put the controller down, put the headset away, kick back, and feel free to “agree to disagree” with our resident gaming “Reverend” Joe Rivera, and yours truly, the “Monsignor” Travis Moody, as we explore one of the nuttiest years in video game history.

You can hate us now.

“Monsignor” Travis Moody: 10. Metro: Last Light (Xbox 360/PlayStation 3) – With the arrival of Next-Gen, sometimes we forget just how beautiful many of the games the previous generation systems had. Deep Silver’s Metro: Last Light, was no exception. This “European Sci-Fi Battlefield” was a terrific challenge, looked stunning, was often flat-out scary. Even all of the game’s many glitches and freezing — in the freezing temperatures, nonetheless — couldn’t keep this game off my list. What did halt this post-apocalyptic triumph from reaching a higher point, however, was the lack of a solid story DLC. In fact, the DLC was a complete disappointment. Ah, well; time for 4A to start working on the next-gen./(See more)

“Reverend” Joe Rivera: 10. Deadpool (360/PS3) – Ok, as much as I wanted this game to be great……it wasn’t. But, that didn’t mean that Wade Wilson’s long-awaited solo gaming debut was all that bad. The Merc with a Mouth was always one of my favorite Marvel anti-heroes. And just like what most reviews have said, unless you’re a die-hard Deadpool fan, you’re going to loathe this game. I mean, yes, the hack ‘n slash/shoot ‘em up gameplay is overall repetitive, and it is fucking short as hell. After vanquishing Sinister, then performing a Conan the Barbarianesque pose, I was like.. “THAT’S IT?!?!” So, the question is, why does Deadpool make it on my Top 10 list? I guess, even if the gameplay is repetitious, it still packs plenty of the over-the-top hilarity of the great Joe Kelly comic (although the game was written by Daniel Way, whose own run on ‘Pool was arguably just decent). And let’s not forget the humor. The jokes are hysterical. I mean, I nearly pissed my pants from all of Wade’s quips after slaughtering enemies. The game stays true to the comedic mercenary; and who better than voice him than the great Nolan North (don’t worry; there is more for Troy, coming up). It’s like that awesomely bad cult B-movie that you check out at midnight, where you shout random phrases, and throw stuff (hopefully not grenades and knives). So, if you expected an Arkham game with Deadpool……go eff yourself!/3.5 (out of 5) Bibles

DeadPOOL Rising.

Moody: 9. Dead Rising 3 (Xbox One) – If not exactly graphically (720 fps, bleh), Dead Rising 3 was indeed, otherwise, the game to show the true power of the Xbox One. I can bet you’ve never witnessed so many things on a video game screen before with, by hell, this much personality. Yes, the hundreds and thousands of zombies stalking the near empty streets of “Los Perdidos” are simply a thrill to kill. No worries, man; DR3‘s version of the undead don’t run, as they aren’t even aware they have a fire-blazing hatchet or police-issued gat in hand. Sorta. Kinda. Yup, scary. Good news is, you’ll have a bigger field day than Daryl Dixon chopping, sniping and steam-rolling over these things to size (over 300 weapons and combinations!). If going the serious “Walking Dead” route doesn’t sound like fun, Rising packs all the tongue-in-cheek zaniness of previous games (Afros, knight helmets, disturbed samurai elders). I even kissed a zombie to death with a fire-scorching Dragonhead…and I liked it! Had this Xbox One exclusive allowed me to play “jump in/jump out” local co-op (a.k.a. a real friend..), such as, say, Marvel Ultimate Alliance (or any of the LEGO games), DR3 could have dropped in the Top 5. Yes, not giving my roommate the option to play alongside the Monsignor in my story royally pissed me off. That, and some terrible speech animations aside, the extensive upgrade system, pulse-stopping battles, and quirky story make this zombie-slayer one of the most impressive next-gen titles at launch./4 Bibles

Joe: 9. Batman: Arkham Origins (360/PS3) – Though not exactly the strongest of the series (how’s about going back to Rocksteady, guys?), Origins‘ did feel like Arkham City all over again. Not entirely a bad thing! Hell, you know you play Arkham for the story (can’t go wrong with Christmas in Gotham), the bosses (to which many had the martial arts skills of Bruce, or higher), and of course, the voice acting (see this!). Origin stories are not easy to pull off either, but this prequel gets right to the point with a much darker tone, a taste of the more realistic Nolan-verse. The boss battles are an even greater challenge this time around, with each assassin offering their own unique fighting style. And as difficult as Deathstroke was to beat, the Rev never got frustrated; the challenge just motivated me to pwn that son-of-a-bitch! Finally, there’s the vocals. Roger Craig Smith steps in for Kevin Conroy, as the younger Batman. Though not nearly as memorable, you have to give Smith props for trying — even if you do hear a little bit of Christian Bale. Yet, despite some hefty big shoes to fill, (all right, here we go!) Troy Baker’s Joker is just phenomenal. I didn’t doubt him once, not even when fans were like “We want Mark Hamill!” Mr. Hamill will always be the Joker, but Troy nails it. Even if Baker’s Joker pays a lot of homage Hamill’s, he still puts his own little spin on the voice. Gave me chills. If he were brought back, I’m all for it./(See more)

I hope those aren’t Brooklyn Nets.

Moody: 8. *TIE* FIFA ’14 (X1/PlayStation 4) / NBA 2K14 (X1/PS4) – These are two of the most impressive sports games ever. But, before I continue, there’s a reason why such wonderful games are lower than they could be: missing options. There’s no question the majority of third-party games that ported over to next-gen were rushed, and, the consequence was several missing options. FIFA ’14, easily the most remarkable — and ultimately addictive — of the franchise, is missing a tournament option. Well, duh! That’s because EA is bringing back FIFA World Cup, just in time for the global event which takes place this summer in Rio. That means fans will have to shell out $100-120 for 2 games. Haven’t you guys heard of DLC, EA? Still, the new FIFA‘s player and crowd animations, game physics, stadium selection, and array of league play options (such as this year’s excellent Ultimate Team) is superb. 2K Sports’ new NBA game, on the other hand, is the best-looking game on next-gen. Period. Almost as impressive as the frightening facial recognition is the gameplay itself: it’s awesome. Of course, like FIFA, it’s also missing quite a few things: custom arena music, the option to control multiple teams in MyGM (which erases the previous Association mode), etc. But, you know I love this game — despite some horrendous server problems — so read more on my raves in the following link, if you insist. (4.25 Bibles/See more)

Joe: 8. LEGO Marvel Super Heroes – As a fan of the LEGO games I found this one to be the best. Playing this was like going back to my childhood and playing with my old action figures all over again, especially with the huge variety of heroes and villains to choose from — all with very different and useful abilities. What was hilarious about LEGO Marvel more than anything, perhaps, is that the open world gameplay made this feel more like Grand Theft LEGO. This is also the best Marvel co-op gamer since Ultimate Alliance. Oh, and we have North back as Deadpool and, of course, Bake as Hawkeye./(See More)

Moody: 7. INJUSTICE: Gods Among Us (360/PS3) – Let’s make this easy: if you love Mortal Kombat and you love DC Comics’ Superheroes (and you don’t exactly want to see them immersed, uh, other than the lone Scorpion DLC character, of course), then this fighter is a must buy. Injustice also contains the most captivating story mode for a fighter…ever. Fighting games aren’t supposed to have good story modes. Gee.. thanks, Injustice. Now fighting games aren’t even going to bother having a story mode, seeing how *cough* Killer Instinct *cough* they couldn’t possibly keep up… /See more)

From Metropolis With…Love?

Joe: 7. INJUSTICE: Gods Among Us (360/PS3) – No doubt, Monsignor, this was THE fighting game that we both had been waiting for (especially after the atrocity known as Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe). Each DC character has a bigger-than-life fighting style of well.. a god, whether it’s Harley Quinn’s Mallet Bomb or Batman back-flipping over the Batmobile as it smoothly runs you over. And I have to agree, this fighting game has, by far, the best story mode. I loved how this game had similarities to Superman: Red Son, where the Dark Knight leads an insurgency against the Man of Steel’s regime. Oh yeah, Baker just so happens to voice my favorite DC hero, Nightwing. Shocking!/4.25 Bibles

Moody: 6. Forza Motorsport 5 (X1) – It’s been one hell of a controversial year for video games. And has there been a more controversial game lately than Forza 5? First, the Xbox One exclusive lit up the Metacritic ratings with 9′s galore, as Turn 10 Studio’s beloved sim-racer was an instant showcase of what being next-gen was all about. Paint reflections left racers in awe, courses (albeit limited in comparison to past installments) appeared no less than magnificent, and the new X1 controller’s thumb triggers felt as real as it gets. The game zooms like the land’s finest Monte Carlo. The A.I. also builds off Forza 4‘s Drivatar system with sharper improvements in adapting your own racing personality; there’s no way onlookers could ever possibly know whether you were grinding gears against online competition or the computer. To top it all off, the “Top Gear” presentation is.. well.. top-notch. Then, what’s the issue?

Nintendo had to make our list, somehow.

Microtransactions. I’ve found that, with Forza 5, the less finicky/more patient players will be rewarded in the long-run. Actually, it’s not too long of a run that all. Complete a few sections of the lengthy career mode, and that Lambo, classic Mustang, or F1 Mclaren will be yours in no time. And having the option to design or select from a great number of car designs (i.e. Boba Fett, Miami Vice, Batmobiles) certainly adds to the game’s overall replayability. While, I do agree with regards to online racers that going against souped-up vehicles is a chore, and that the selections (especially the tracks) are bare-bones in comparison to its predecessor, Forza Motorsport 5 is still the technically most impressive game on the new consoles. Just breath./4.25 Bibles

Joe: 6. Rayman Legends (360/PS3/Wii U) – As someone who enjoyed the Rayman: Rabbids games, I knew what I was getting myself into: zany, ultimately bizarre, cartoon fun! With its entertaining co-op gameplay, it’s as if Ubisoft took the game Gauntlet and gave it an early ‘90s Nicktoons twist (“Ren & Stimpy”, “Rocko’s Modern Life”, you know, the good Nickelodeon years). The beautifully colorful graphics are mesmerizing (so far as making the current-gen version look “next”), and the game’s renditions of classic rock songs will make milk shoot out of your nose. Yes, that actually happened!/(See more)

Bet Mr. Wayne never confronted a threat like this!

Moody: 5. *TIE* Rayman Legends (360/PS3/Wii U) / Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (Xbox Live/PSN) - Rayman Legends is the first time I ever played a Rayman game, and I’ll probably hate myself forever for that. Or, maybe not, since it appears I began the franchise with the most beautiful platformer to date (and one of the best-looking current-gen games period). In addition to an outstanding soundtrack, you can bet there was no better way to spend time with a local “co-op” pal this year, either. Speaking of firsts, I’ve never had an Xbox Live game on my “best lists” before (okay, this side of an honorable mention for last year’s “Walking Dead” from Telltales), but Blood Dragon is the game Snake Plissken diehards have been waiting for their entire life. This neon pink “future prequel” to last year’s #3 GOTY, Far Cry 3, is a blast. And much like Reverend favorite SR4, Blood Dragon takes you back to ironic John Carpenter sci-fi/horror, in addition to being the most industry-conscious (revel in the Nintendo “cheese” of it all!) and funniest game of the year, too. (See link above/4.25 Bibles)

Joe: 5. The Last of Us (PS3) – What’s this? We actually have a PlayStation exclusive title on this list? Yes, believe it or not. Not only did your favorite Reverend play through the critically acclaimed survival horror game known as The Last of Us, I also got to playtest the game at Naughty Dog Studios months before its launch. This is absolutely the best storyline I’ve experienced from the survival horror genre. You play as Joel (voiced, obviously, by Troy Baker), a survivor in the worldwide infectious outbreak, as you team up with a young girl named Ellie, who is believed to have the immune system that may be the cure. For a shooter, there is a ton of strategy required in Last of Us too, as you must go stealth to take down the Infected (or hostile survivors), not to mention that any new situation you approach, your enemies will react differently. I also spent a great deal of time on the multiplayer portion, as well, where my teammates and I would work together on raiding supplies from the other team while trying to survive. No respawns here./4.5 Bibles

Hike, anyone?

Moody: 4. Tomb Raider (360/PS3) – Here’s one game Troy wasn’t in! And that’s because our newest Lara, Camilla Luddington, added precious levity as the female answer to Mr. Baker. Had the finale boss battle been a tad longer — and required more than the click of a joystick — the new TR could have easily jumped another spot on my list. Still, Lara Craft Redux is easily the franchise’s most exciting iteration yet, with open world possibilities, tricky but never frustrating puzzles, and more intensity than an internship with Michael Bay. Though not everything about this new TR was perfect (i.e. it was fairly easy to take down the countless number of enemies, too many QTE moments, etc.), it’s still belongs in the must play category. And if you haven’t, no worries: the “Definitive Edition” is coming soon to next-gen./See more)

Joe: 4. Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (360/Ps3) – I, for sure, thought that AC3 was going to be it for the series. Desmond dies (spoilers, fuck it), which was a nice little ending. Oh wait….there’s another one?!? And its taking us into the Golden Age of Piracy? Pirates are rogues themselves, so who better to become the assassins, anyway? By Hook or crook, the latest AC worked in spades. It was nice to see an assassin who didn’t have a specific allegiance, but more of the good/neutral, and side missions that were just as superior to the actual campaign. The story was also thankfully light-hearted this time around, with supporting characters like Blackbeard and Bartholomew Roberts who had much greater — and super fun — developed personalities. Just about everything in Black Flag was more likeable than previous installments, actually./4.6 Bibles

No worries, mate; surely no one’ll notice the only pirate in a white hood!

Moody: 3. Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (X1/PS4) – You harpoon-scarred the shit out of that choice, Rev. Do you think this “surprise” hit of the year was to blame for Ubisoft’s postponing of Watch_Dogs? I’d like to think so. Black Flag simply went from “yet another Assassin’s Creed game” to open world discovery of the high seas — full of satisfying naval battles, improved combat, whale hunting, and deep-sea treasure hunting. This gem, my friends, had it all, including a kick-ass companion app for your tablet/smartphones. And, look, I’m not going to lie: AC4 does get bogged down within its own non-Animus ambition (exploring as Edward Kenway was far more exciting than lurking around and hacking into corporate office computers), but the high-water/island scenery was tremendous, especially for a port! If you didn’t care too much for last year’s game, don’t sleep on the beach with this one. (See more).

Joe: 3. Bioshock Infinite (360/PS3) – I was skeptical, at first, when I found out that Bioshock Infinite was not going to be a survival horror like its predecessors. Hell, it’s even questioned if Infinite even takes place in the same universe as Bioshock 1 and 2. The game sets in a utopia in the sky called, Columbia, and touches on many controversial issues such as American exceptionalism, the Boxer Rebellion, and racial segregation; certain stuff you don’t find in many games. And, with its new direction of steampunk elements and new-found Vigor powers, B.I. blew me away with the most mind-fucking story this gaming Rev have ever experienced. “So, Booker kills Comstock…..Oh wait, Booker IS Comstock?!……I’m so confused!” Another one for Troy — ping!/4.75 Bibles

Moody: 2. Bioshock Infinite (360/PS3) – Oh, yes, Joe. Bioshock Three indeed took “my breath awayyy…” Although Irrational Games made the more rational decision to go FPS on that ass (as opposed to the more survival/thriller-tinged vibes of the original class like you mentioned), that move made B.I. a shooting experience like none other. It certainly helped to have those insanely addictive Vigors, more outstanding voice work (ha — it’s Baker DeWitt!), and that damn astonishing ‘floating world’ to explore. Infinite also felt both old and new at the same time, never giving us more than a minute or two to breath in the clouds. Oh, Elizabeth.. isn’t she lovely? (And she helps, too!)/4.75 Bibles

And the Award for “ONLY Voice Actor of 2013″ goes to…

Joe: 2. Saints Row IV (360/PS3) – Many people would call me crazy for putting this one at #2, but, screw those people; they clearly don’t know about the Rev’s passion for Saints Row. Go read my full review, too, if you haven’t. What more can be said, though, about an urban warfare-turned-alien invasion, where your protagonist goes from low-level street punk to the Motherfucking President of the United States? Murder, mayhem, superpowers, dubstep guns, Roddy Piper, and sing-a-longs to Paula Abdul and Biz Markie…that’s what. Oh yeah, and just added recently to SR4 was a DLC where Christmas required saving from an evil Santa Claus, all the while trying to get on the “Nice” list. This is how you make a Baker’s (Half) Dozen, bitches./4.8 Bibles

Moody: 1. Grand Theft Auto V (360/PS3) – With apologies — maybe severe apologies — to The Last of Us (I don’t own a PS3, sorry folks), this was the best video game of 2013. In fact, it might just be the best video game I’ve ever played. After all, I did honor GTA V a holier than hell 10 Bibles. Why? Oh, you weren’t one of the countless number of people responsible for making this game the fastest-selling of all time? A billion-plus later, the open world of Los Santos (yet another Southern Cal sandbox title) offered almost too much to do. You don’t need to follow the narrative — which is one of the most entertaining and cinematic ever, by the way — to enjoy this game. With Grand Theft Auto 5, you can do anything. Even with a few online issues and all (questionable servers, abundant assholes), awesome side missions, far more improved and even nastier shoot-outs, and glorious vehicle selection and customizations (GTA V could also be considered one of the best racing games of the year, too), this is absolutely the game dreams are made of./10 Bibles

Ahhh… So, this is what they mean by “Skyrim”.

Honorable Mention:

-DmC: Devil May Cry (360/PS3) – I’m willing to bet a lot of gaming “experts” forgot this early year gem, but I didn’t. The reimagined DmC offered some of the finest, most fluid combat, blue-electric level environments, and some of the toughest boss battles ever. In any other year, DmC slides high up the Top 10. (See more)

-WWE 2K14 (360/PS4) – It sort of pains me to include this on the list because of 2K’s bullshit programming that allowed the corruption of my entire game save (all of my creations, Universe progression, DLC, etc. was lost with the click of a button). But, there’s no doubt 2K’s publishing also boosted the franchise in glorious ways. This wrassler also had the deepest roster of all time (including 100 Create-A-Wrestlers), had an amazing story mode (“30 Years of Wrestlemania”), and was no doubt an addictive royal rumble with your pals. WWE on next-gen can’t come soon enough (See more)

-Batman: Arkham Origins (360/PS3) – While the game didn’t quite live up to its lofty expectations, it was still visually impressive and packed tougher battles than any Arkham game previous. Even in the absence of legendary Bat-voice-actors Conroy & Hamill, I’ve got to agree with Joe: the younger voice team gets the job done. (See more)

-Splinter Cell: Blacklist (360/PS3) – Missed this one? Then click the link, kids. (See more)

-Call of Duty: Ghosts (X1/PS4) – You know what you’re getting with any COD, and this game was an obvious port. Still, if you’re in the minority of players like me who are in it for the campaign, then you’re going to have a hell of a lot of fun: choppers, tanks, deep-sea diving, snow wars, and even playing as a dog! In addition to the “greatest hits” story, the new Extinction mode is the franchise’s first foray into sci-fi — and it’s an exciting challenge all the way./3.5 Bibles

Taking the day off from work was NOT a bright idea.

Joe: 1. Grand Theft Auto V (360/PS3) – No surprise here, Moody. If our gaming church gatherers haven’t already, our GTA V podcast — live from the rooftop of Los Santos, btw — is damn-near required. GTA V was yet another game where I feel, “What more can be said?” Hell, this is the Pulp Fiction of video games. It’s also a social satire of how superficial our society has become. The plot has intertwining stories, with characters (including supporting) that are arguably the most well-developed of any game in recent memory; so much so, that even if you found these fuckers to be crazy, pretentious, or even seriously dead wrong, you’d still find something to like about ‘em. What separates GTA V from other sandbox games is that it also plays like a heist film where you are the director taking the story into, often several, different directions. The game does a bang-up job at capturing every known scenic spot of Los Angeles this side of Saddle Ranch, and turns them into its own world to create Los Santos. Although I mentioned this in the podcast, that if you live or have lived in LA, you’re definitely going to look at this game a lot differently than those who never experienced this grand city./5 Bibles

Honorable Mention:

-Killer Instinct (X1) – The reason that Killer Instinct didn’t make it on the list was for two reasons: 1. I felt cheated when they offered only ONE character, and you had to purchase the rest.  2. The game seemed incomplete and rushed, with only six characters and waiting two months for a story mode, and pretty much making us pay for a demo, without calling it a demo.  The gameplay was pretty damn good, but I felt that I didn’t get the entire game, above all./(See more)

-Nothing else. While 2013 was perfectly strong at the top (primarily with thanks to TB), I honestly didn’t care for too much else out there… Uh, time for a new system? You’re not kidding!

From GodHatesGeeks, we’d like to thank you for checking our Top 10 lists and wishing you all a very Happy and great New Year of (hopefully next-gen) gaming, friends!

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But, wouldn’t blazing the streets with the original rubber-burner of choice be a lot more fun? Though obviously prettier and ever-so-humorously technologically-superior (I only suppose this means Batman gets…worse), these are the supposed Origins, after all.

Irregardless of time, there are still enough nuances in Batman: Arkham Origins to cheer about. Right from the marching Dark Knight Rises-inspired, speaker-busting score and the Christmassy cool flavor of Gotham (decking the Blackgate cells with X-Mas stockings; random jolly jingle bells and whistles), players will notice more “criminal activity” in the streets (although everyone appears a criminal, at least for the main cheese’s first 90%); cooler side activities than augmented reality and riddle tasks, with higher emphasis on stopping other vigilantes and wiping out cartels; and an intriguingly new progression system. Aptly labeled “Dark Knight,” this new menu compiles and challenges your inner “Shadow Vigilante” (hand-to-hand combat), “Gotham Protector” (agility), “Worst Nightmare” (gadget combat), and “World’s Greatest Detective” (exactly as it sounds).

Trust me, there’s so much to accomplish in the sandbox world of Origins, that the Monsignor may have developed some form of “Arkham Elbow.” And that was just in 2-days.

Although I wouldn’t quite say, “the game is so good it hurts.” No, more like “it hurts that this game is so good,” only because we’ve seen this all before. Warner Bros. Montreal takes what doesn’t break from the much adored Arkham series and amps it up with green Venom. Speaking of, Bane is no longer limited to side mission fodder. Batman’s (now) second most popular rogue now has nearly as much impact as any in this game — although I wish it was Tom Hardy voicing him for all the comedic reasons your little minds can fathom.

Joseee Canseeeeeco, eatttt your hearttt out…beforrrrrre I dooo.

There are also several improvements to the gameplay despite the familiarity. The combat, while still feeling greatly rhythmic in control, has added just enough nuances…that would make a fan of any squared-circle happy. If you can’t wait until Tuesday to buy WWE 2K14, you won’t be disappointed with The Bat’s assortment of bulldog assaults, Samoan drops, and even CM Punk’s signature “Go to Sleep.” We know the self-proclaimed “Best in the World” is a huge comic geek and gamer. Did WB give him a call?

On the other hand, the all-too familiar combat tactics disrupt the excitement when it comes to challenge. While the standard one-on-twenty fights are a tad tougher — because martial arts “experts” and other venom-tinged thugs are now present — the same HVAC-vent hiding and gargoyle perching tactics in the predator rooms get old (except the inverted takedowns, always fun), and, worse, pathetically easy. Arkham City‘s combat scenario was the other way around, and this game will once again become that way once you get your hands on the “Shock Gloves.” Talk about a fun, little deus ex machina — if your idea of fun is never getting touched, that is.

Since combat is a breeze, the hardest parts of the game (besides looking around for hours for story progression that never appears on your map) are the bosses. And, despite also becoming the absolute finest moments of Origins, the game ironically goes from hard-as-hell to foolishly simple in that regard. Deathstroke is your first major boss (because I will never count Killer Croc), and he’s also strangely the hardest. You must have perfect counter skills to deflect his attacks (or you’ll die around 5-6 times as I did), and it doesn’t get any easier when Slade decides to brandish a sword. Arkham Origins definitely takes a page from Injustice here.

Christmas with Mr. Krank.

Then, without the use of spoilers, my friends, the succeeding bosses offer an array of challenges, other than a recently announced villain who — in a strange case of plotline agenda — barely puts up a fight. Sadly, much of the same can be said about the final confrontation (they basically re-developed the forthcoming Ryse because of the enormity of QTE; wish Origins would have taken note). Thankfully, the Origins story is enjoyable in lore. It even digs into the deep, disturbing mind of a psychotic murderer, further marrying the contrast of the most famous arch-rivalry this side of the Red Sox and Yanks. These cutscenes are also among the best in the history of video games, and that’s partially thanks to the vocal anecdotes of the one Troy Baker.

Without digging too deep into Baker’s Joker (you can read about him here, his wild performance at NYCC 2013 here, or, better, wait for our Rev to blab about him for another 40-minutes in our upcoming Arkham Podcast), you get the sense that the industry’s #1 vocal talent put his every heart and soul into this role. And, yet while you can hear a little bit of Baker’s normal voice in there at times, it’s hard to find a better, more sadistic giggle than his for the Clown Prince of Crime, and it certainly helps that Troy is playing a younger version of Mark Hamill’s classic rendition. You’ll find yourself dying on purpose just to see Jo-Ba-Ker’s taunts.

Don’t blame me, dearies. You asked for another ROUND!!!

Not forgotten, Roger Craig Smith does nearly as much in ode of Kevin Conroy’s Bruce Wayne…and I’d argue Smith has the best “Alfred” in the business (I can’t stop saying this damn name over and over, thanks Roger). Although following Conroy is obviously a tough task, Smith’s “Year Two” Bats reflects his angrier, more vengeful side, as illustrated in the pages of Zero Year in the current DC comic.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, Arkham Origins has a few mishaps that cannot go without mention. First is the new Case File System. I get that WB wanted to put the “Detective” back in Detective Comics, but these scenarios come off little more than glorified cutscenes. Sure, you have to find the evidence (which will take you mere seconds), but once scanned, the procedure is all in the eyes. Next, I was actually surprised to see a few glitches in the game, as well. During one of the predator sequences, I found one of Joker’s henchman stuck walking into a wall, all the while another stood ever so statuesque instead of the usual pannicking. I mean, the dude never moved once. Enemies will also reappear over the course of the external map, making me wonder if you can ever clear out Gotham for good. And those repetitive door hacks.. don’t get me started on that.

What I get for taking the last Reese’s peanut buttercup.

Look, Origins is good because it’s an Arkham game. There are definitely a few wonderful surprises in store, but, because the innovations are so small (despite a world that is much bigger, or is it just that annoying bridge?), some are still going to refer to this as Arkham Lite. Should there have been an entirely new arc concerning the origin of Dick Grayson (with the possible use of Robin the game, i.e. Catwoman from last)? Duh. Should they have kept Joker under wraps — as they initially did with.. cough.. Black Mask — to garner a sort of impactful Se7en moment in the game, digging further into the scenario of the Red Hood?

This all makes me wonder why Scott Snyder wasn’t called to help construct the storyline, especially since Geoff Johns is the Chief Creative Officer of everything at DC. Johns said during the Arkham Origins panel at this past July’s San Diego Comic-Con that, for the most part, he enjoyed the game so much that he tried to stay out of the way of production. Even with the inclusion of the cooler, more modern rogues and assassins (i.e. Anarky, Deadshot, Firefly, Copperhead) — some who weren’t even included in the primary storyline — perhaps he shouldn’t have?

Or, I’ve got an even bigger question, or gift inquiry, actually. For the winter of 2015, can a geek get an actual Arkham, perhaps even Batman vs. Superman-inspired JUSTICE LEAGUE game, WB? Now, so long as you throw in my Batmobile, it will definitely become a Christmas worth savoring. Ho-ho-ha-ha-a-he-he-hew-hew-A-HE-HE-HE-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

3.5 (out of 5) Bibles.

Batman: Arkham Origins released today for PC, PS3, Wii-U, and Xbox 360. The multiplayer additions, including “Invisible Predator Online”, were not yet available with this review.

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“Monsignor” Travis Moody: Why are LEGO games so frustrating? Aren’t these games supposed to be made for kids? Why am I having such a tough time with them? In Arkham City, I could solve every riddle, accomplish every side mission, and learn every tactic. But, when it comes to finding the missing piece or last puzzle of a level in the land of LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, I suck harder than Harley Quinn in a funhouse. (Lollipops, peeps.) Not surprisingly, this game offers the entire Marvel makeover: nearly the entire Marvel Universe (150 characters if you want to count random S.H.I.E.L.D., Hydra, and A.I.M. agents), voice actors ranging from Agent Coulson’s own Clark Gregg to the multi-faceted Troy Baker (Hawkeye and Loki), and even a score resembling music from the films. It’s the closest thing we’re going to get to a Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3, and at this rate, perhaps ever. What’s your take, Rev?

“Reverend” Joe Rivera: Oh, you don’t suck, Moody! At least not at this game…haha.. Call that an Injustice. I mean, yes, these LEGO games do seem to be more geared towards kids, but old chaps like us (and we do look good for our age, don’t we?) can still enjoy these games. Since I look at them more as little interactive spoofs of popular movies and comics, I chiefly play these games for the humor element.  And with that being said……

Cash-Cow: The Dark World.

I’ve always enjoyed the LEGO games (Star Wars, Batman), so there was no denying my excitment for a Marvel title.  Oh Troy, I love that I can identify his dashing voice right off the bat.  So many characters to choose from, even useless ones like Tony Stark as “Regular Man“, (thank you Honest Trailers, hardy har har), and J. Jonah Jameson and his newspaper weapons. And I’m with you, this is probably our MUA3, just ya know…without the extra two players. Would have been nice to have four players at once, but at the same time, that split screen was absolutely annoying.  The way the split kept moving was very distracting, especially when you want to aim at targets. Remember? Most of the time I was like “Moody, you’re too far away!”

Moody: That’s what all my ex-girlfriends kept telling me. Hey, I live where… oh… yes, the camera angles in L.M.S.H. are absolutely pathetic. I spent more time fighting the angles than the villains at hand…or The Hand. And, that didn’t matter much because the A.I. in the game wasn’t very good either. Well, the Super-Villains were challenging as far as throwing distractions at you were concerned, such as Doom and Magneto getting their usual mindless henchman and b-listers (the “Master of Minds…Mastermind“) to do the dirty work for them. Wait.. wait just a second! Are we really breaking down a darn LEGO game? What’s wrong with us?

Kudos to LEGO Marvel for staying current…and causing many fans to cry as they realize their sweet Peter is dead.

Rev: I know, right?!?! Why are we nitpicking this? It’s a goddamn Lego game, this isn’t Grand Theft Lego V! Can’t really expect much from a puzzle/beat ‘em up game.  Speaking of GTA, I did enjoy the open world sandbox portion of Marvel Super Heroes. And like GTA, you can steal cars and beat up civilians….though, I thought we were playing as superheroes. Funny thing is, the good people of Manhattan have no problem shedding their vehicle to a man whose destiny is to save the world. Time for this Joe to start suiting up around town and borrow a Maserati or two, but I just don’t think that would cut it in La La Land. Cool thing about this LEGO NYC is that both players can split up and do whatever they like. Silver Surfing around the Statue of Liberty? No problem. Hitting the local coffee shops with Carnage — why not? I thought that Travellers Tales did a wonderful job doing exactly as their surname suggests with this version of the Big Apple.

Moody: See, Rev, I’m actually going to take the opposite approach, and that’s primarily because I enjoyed the heck (see how we’re not using cuss words here) out of GTA V and, at the current moment, my open exploratory sandbox-mind can only be saved for Pirates and Chicago. I know New York City is the home of Spider-Man and all his Amazing Friends, but if I wanna open world, I’d rather have Trevor breaking into Inland Empire saloons than LEGO-racing Toad with Ghost Rider. OK…that last notion actually sounded awesome. But you catch my drift. With that, I do feel Marvel’s less sophisticated heroes (as opposed to DC’s brooding group) make for a far better LEGO experience. Instantly, “Hulk Smash Bricks” is a dime; Thor using his mighty toy Mjolnir to batter everything and anything — in addition to flying and lightning strikes — makes him the perfect LEGO warrior; and watching Reed Richards ever-so-Fantastically form into drills, cranes and anything you can throw a Lego at was a treat. Other than when he turns into an annoying teacup, of course.

So, Reed.. we’re thinking of having TEA at next week’s Comikaze…

Lance Paul “The Apostle”: Tag me in boss! Tag me in! As the resident aficionado of all things LEGO (least when it comes to gaming, ha), I have to say I really enjoyed this game. It took everything I love about Marvel and Lego’s and mashed them up quite perfectly. Sure the camera angles were as janky as playing Spider-Man 2, but once you got into the action the scenarios made up for any downsides.  Who hasn’t wanted to play as the Fantastic Four and face a rather popular flying Green Osborn, or revisit your early comic-reading childhood past and see 90’s Jean and Scott again?

Now, I will admit due to having this pesky problem called jet lag I was forced to jump in halfway, so I didn’t get the pleasure of the meaningless beginning levels like Jose (don’t call me Mrs. Baker) Rivera did. Thanks again for starting the game for me, Rev, and leaving before all the fun episodes. As someone who just came off the rehashing adventures of LEGO Lord of the Rings, I knew what I was getting myself into. Though I was a bit surprised by the sandbox approach at first, the Marvel Apostle came to enjoy the feature as it made the game more interactive. At least this way, I felt like I was in the Marvel Lego world at all times.  I also enjoyed the different locales and mass of characters to interact with and play as. Who hasn’t wished for a Thor, Wolverine, Capt. America and Human Torch movie combo? I have, and I played the hell out of that! Wolverine is flame retardant thanks to his adamantium bones! It was the best part of the level seeing Barebones-Wolvie kick ass!

Moody: So…Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman, Chris Evans, and…Chris Evans?

For no other reason than me loving All-New X-Factor, of course.

Apostle: So true! Well if all the rumors are true we will soon see our first Black Human Torch.  I am not opposed as I’m sure Johhny and Sue’s Mom didn’t think that one night stand with Luke Cage would have such lasting effects. Who am I to judge! I’m guessing they had as much fun as our True Believers did turning themselves into a Mr. Fantastic tea kettle. I’m sure Mrs. Storm just loves this effect on date night!

Rev: Out of all the things Mr. Richards can turn into, we get a bleeping TEA KETTLE!?!? Who’s idea was that? Marvel? Lego? One question……why? This is worse than a Bat-credit card! Though, you just know if Troy voiced the tea kettle, then I could deal with it. In fact, he was the primarily reason I preferred to play as Hawkeye most of the time, in addition to blowing up silver Lego’s with exploding arrows. Jeremy who?

Oh, did anyone else notice some of the glitches in this game? Characters would get stuck in walls or run around without moving. Found myself restarting. Let’s not forget the controls, with a lot of button mashing was involved; when it came to taking out enemies, the action felt a bit slow and unresponsive. Jumping to the graphics, they were a treat. Like the rest of the Lego games, you really felt like you were controlling little shiny plastic toys. Other than that, it still brought me back to my childhood because LMSH had my two favorite things: Lego’s and Deadpool! The Brick With the Blowhole? I’m trying! Thank you, Nolan North. Troy, don’t get jealous.

What’s it gonna take to get some Toku Jo Sencha around here…

Moody: I blame Stan for the Kettle. A “Kiddie” Pool — that’s definitely where a strong creative mind comes in handy. And Traveller’s Tales def proved a robust creative streak with many of these games, and nothing could have been cooler than conjuring up their own interactive M.U. — seeing how we’re not allowed thus yet to see them hang together at the silverscreen. Glitches and bugs def take precedence once again in a LEGO game, as the restart level option will sooner or later end up your only pal, especially when peeps like the cooler than cool Iceman get stuck…in a glacier of ice. Yup, the hell. Controlling these little buggers is actually smoother than Lego Batman 2, though they still haven’t rid of the clunky flying mechanics.

LMSHis also a pretty enough game on the 360, making me wonder why the rush for next-gen. Even with the new hardware, I can’t imagine LEGO’s looking any better than this.

Apostle: Even through all these glitches and rushed game flaw, LMSH appealed to my inner child apostle. The offhand 20-year old comic remarks, or the reappearance of an obscure character from Marvel’s rich lore (H.E.R.B.I.E.?) made this game a keeper. I agree with you though, Minister Moods, the glitches and bugs also made me…moody. Once you control any of the flying characters you will notice the haphazard flight patterns your begotten lil Lego will take. Gentleman (and I use that loosely), what was your favorite character and your least favorite Lego hero to use?

………………

Moody: Thor was definitely my fav…but though we’ve yet to witness the DLC packages with our press copy of the game, I’m going to say Rocket Raccoon…RIGHT? But it was great fun symbiote-suplexing LEGO village hipsters into stumbling bricks with the likes of Venom. I thought Black Widow having a Lego gun was funny, but I got bored with Captain America’s “we didn’t start the fire” shield protection — and I don’t mean the agency. I also can’t wait to ride along the Hudson on a bicycle with…Galactus.

Apostle: Oh man, spending money on some DLC is going to be tempting with the Guardians of the Galaxy’s Rocket! My favorite, believe it or not, was Spider-Man. The little I played with him was so much fun swinging around the invisible Lego walls and being a pest.

Willem Dafoe in 2 reviews this week! Say it ain’t so!

Overall, your favorite Apostle would give LEGO Marvel Super Heroes a 3.5 on the 5-Bible scale. When you delve into a Lego game, you know what you are getting your self into: mindless button mashing, age appropriate puzzles mixed with your favorite pop culture (in this case, super) heroes, questionable camera placement, etc.  Be it Indiana Jones swinging from Lego to Lego, or Luke Skywalker battling dark side imbued bricks. We buy them and we will continue to buy them, no matter the glitches. Because at the end of the day, we play Lego games to escape “the real world” games like GTA that suck several violent hours of our time up.  The beauty of a Lego game is you can jump in, play a level and go about your day. You escape into a mindless Lego terrain, and, this time, full of your favorite Marvel Super Heroes like Aunt May and Stan Lee! Uh.. here just hoping that “LEGO Titanic” comes out soon!

Rev: Well, okay I know I nitpicked this game, but it was hella fun to play, had amazing graphics, and much like you, Apostle, it appealed to my inner-child, as well. LEGO Marvel offers a ton of replay value with the huge variety of characters, and going back into certain levels to unlock secrets in which you couldn’t do with the previous. So, because of this, I was going to knock off one and a half-bibles, but instead I’m putting that half bible back.  The Rev will give LMSH 4 Bibles.

Steel Dragon would be proud! (“Stand Up and Shout!”)

And to answer your question, Lance, I’m going to go with Hawkeye for, not only Mr. Baker, but for his usefulness of the bunch. LEGO Barton has a good combo of melee and range attacks, can shoot ropes, shoot arrows for swinging, and his exploding arrows will surely come in handy when it comes to those annoying silver boulders. I don’t particularly like Hawkeye as a character, so that says a lot.

Moody: Then your hipster ass is clearly not reading Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye! I promise that would be your favorite comic…ever (watches Jose run and stumble on his way to Meltdown Comics…). To wrap, as much as I was dying to play this LEGO Marvel.. I can’t help but feel a haunting, hallowed breeze whisking over my shoulder from a little happy place we call Gotham. That “inner-child” you’re both referring to must have died when the Thomas and Martha perished, despite the bliss of present day Jean ‘n Scott working side by side once again. I just had too many problems with a game that covers the previous LEGO entities, even with a stupendous Marvel skin. With that said, this is the perfect game to pick up and play with your child (niece, nephew, immature grandmom). Here’s to hoping your very own lil Merry Marvel Marching Society responds to it the same way we did when we read our first comic book event. 3 Bibles (rounding the final score to a satisfying 3.5 outta 5). Excelsior, gentleman!

LEGO Marvel Super Heroes for the Xbox 360, PS3, Wii-U, PS Vita, Nintendo DS and PC is available now. Xbox One and PS4 editions available at system launch.

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Not that we’d ever mind.

BEST in the world.

Batman’s beginnings are back in time for Halloween, with two superstars easily separating themselves from the rest of current Bat-Pack: DC writer Scott Snyder – with his current Zero Year story arc — and the forthcoming Batman: Arkham Origins voice actor, Troy Baker.

Sure, the Arkham series’ newest Joker certainly has some ginormous clown feet to follow. After racing home for 4:30 every afternoon as a 12-year old superfan, you know, to not miss a batarang’s second of “Batman: The Animated Series”, The Last of Us and Bioshock Infinite voice actor (read: AAA video game’s Mr. Go To) reflected on moments many of us could share:  “I’d pause on the credits, having an epilepsy as I tried to read all the wavy lines from the recording of a VCR… The Joker is Mark Hamill — Luke Skywalker? No way it’s the same guy!”

And no way could the soon to be GOTY award-winning Booker & Joel ever play the Clown Prince of Crime. Those were our very many thoughts until one late Saturday night in New York City, where the jam-packed house at the Jacob Javits Center got to witness one of the coolest moments in Con history.

Drops mic, leaves building. There’s no doubt Troy Baker‘s high pitch scares like a reborn Hamillized Joker, with the tripping laughter of Cesar Romero, the sinister snarl of Jack Nicholson, and the tormented depth of Heath Ledger. Since Baker is playing the legendary supervillain at a time before all of those interpretations, there’s enough wiggle room to toy around with his youth. Despite the greatness of The Killing Joke monologue (after Baker proclaimed the Joker was “impossibly hard to wrangle”) and the goosebumps that ran down the back of the new Bruce Wayne, played by Roger Craig Smith (Assassin’s Creed), only time will tell on October 25th whether Troy’s take will perform like a greatest hit.

“I think this guy has a future in this business!”

I think Craig might be on to something. As far as the current crop of Bat-Comics, Scott Snyder’s demonic portrayal of a near faceless Mistah J had all the fixings of a classic interpretation, too.

After the shock and horror of “Death of a Family” (despite the fact no one really died, other than perhaps a bit of Batty’s soul), it’s not such a bad time to go over the original Red Hood One. The current Zero Year storyline — following an epic 43-page offering of Batman #24 this past week — will soon takeover a wide line of DC titles. This gives the company an opportunity to ever-so-ironically coincide with the release of the Arkham Origins video game. There’s bound to be a batload of stories further exploring the early darkness of Gotham.

Thankfully, Scott Snyder had the grapefruits to tell this one.

The origin of the GOOD [Zero] Year Blimp.

I’m sure Snyder and Capullo were just as fearful of how their fans would react to this new, wild military-style biker Bats. The sunglasses-donned artist reflected those very biker characteristics with the voice of a gracious Artie Lang. “I’m lucky and honored to draw the Batman origin, despite the ungodly hours to keep deadlines. DC cuts the checks, but I really feel like I’m working for all of you.”

Snyder would roll on the Zero Year panel his usual candid self, spoiling everything from November 13′s Batman #25 and Beyond. “We’ve never changed the core of [the Batman origin], like Jim Gordon shooting [Bruce's] parents. There’ll for a stronger bond through the mystery of who Gordon is, why he dresses the way he did, etc. There’s a big mystery about what happened on the night his parents were killed in Crime Alley, and Gordon is really at the center of it.”

Hey, I’m a SNYDER. Just wait ’til you hear me spoil the script for Batman/Superman!

After hinting at some Poison Ivy and homages to all things Batman that include blimps from “The Animated Series”, Capullo attempts to close his scribe pal’s mouth. “I love when he gives me those panels.”

This early discombobulated dynamic between the Batman and Gordon will also take heavy precedence in Arkham Origins, with Creative Director Eric Holmes shedding more light on this classic relationship: “Spoiler alert: James Gordon and Batman are going to be friends. Of course, we’re going to show you in our story how that changes. What’s good about the prequel is we’re not [just] telling a Batman origin story; we’re telling the origin of the Arkham games. It’s all about lineage.”

And, perhaps for a moment, only a tiny little moment, that lineage would now include the rest of DC. Hello Superman!

No, that surprise turned out to be… this guy…

It’s electric / Boogie woogie, woogie!

Hmmm… so Electro gets to kick the crap out of both Batman and Spider-Man (hello, Jamie). Not quite the rattling surprise of Baker’s frightening monologue, Snyder’s Batman #25 reveals, or even the differing, more youthful interpretation of Origins’ Bane, but the NYCC crowd roared with applause anyway. The good news about the Electrocutioner‘s inclusion into the game, besides getting the voice of Steve Blume, is the whole classic Mega Man scenario: beat the villain, gain his gadget.

And only a young Master Bruce knows those new shock claws are going to go quite handy.

• NetherRealm producer Erin Pierperderdis was present for the Arkham panel to announce and showcase the new Batman: Arkham Origins game for the mobile platforms. The game will play more like an arcade Injustice: Gods Among Us one-on-one fighter — the mobile game the studio is known for — with cool, new Batsuits (i.e. Red Son, Gotham to Gaslight, and Batman Beyond) that are not only aesthetically pleasing to the eye, but also key to getting an advantage in particular environments. The mobile Arkham Origins will be released for both iOS and Android.

Oldman vs. The Comedian?

• The future of Zero Year will contain three sections: “Secret City” (Riddler’s blacking out), “Dark City” (broken bones) and “Wild City” (reborn). The future of Stephanie Brown…exhists. The former Spoiler/Robin/Batgirl will make her return in Batman: Eternal, a new weekly series that will “crack all the weird corners of Gotham.” The “biggest, nuttiest game-changing stuff” — for the looming 75th anniversary of Batman — will be overseen and co-written by Snyder, with contributions from Talon scribe James Tynion IV, Detective Comics teammates John Layman and Jason Fabok, Tim Seeley (Killer Croc #1), and Ray Fawkes (Justice League Dark).

Our church’s stain-glassed windows.

• Other intriguing Zero Year titles included an upcoming Batman and Two-Face (the Monsignor’s personal favorite villain), where readers will explore why Harvey Dent sleeps with that one crazy eye wide open, in addition to the district attorney’s origins as the manic coin-flipper; and the hopeful continued excellence of Batwoman, written by former Manhunter scribe Marc Andreyko. And the longtime “Tournament of Nerds” judge will be searching for what you’re saying on the internet in the coming months. Believe that.

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Now, before I get on with this review, the Reverend would like to quickly touch upon Saints Row‘s previous three games. Those of you who know me, know that I can’t get enough of the open world franchise’s manic mayhem. But, to be completely honest with you (as if our holy church of geekdom would go about it any other way), the Rev didn’t get into SR until the summer of 2011, when trailers for SR: The Third flooded all video game sites and every bit of social media. I originally steered clear of the apparent Grand Theft Auto knock-offs — with their then sole focus on urban gang wars — and that proved a mistake.

A mistake I intended no longer to make.

Don’t get me wrong; I still and will always enjoy playing SR 1 and 2. However, when the third Row was released, I couldn’t help but nerdgasm to the fact that this shit was about to get full-retard.

And by full-retard, I’m talking what the Volition development team accomplished within their open sandbox:

-Call in airstrikes on rival gangs.

-Base-jump in the nude.

-Smack people with giant purple dildos.

Thus, it will forever remain one of my favorite games of all time.

So, when Volition said that Saints Row IV was going to have to take even further over-the-top than its predecessor, I was thinking to myself just how in the bloody hell would this become possible (English accent and all, I swear.) Sure enough, they went and proved me wrong.

Not one of my character creations, I can assure you.

Narrated by Jane Austen (yes, Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen), the story starts off where you, as the Boss (voiced by the one and only Troy Baker), lead the Saints to stop a terrorist group in the Middle East from launching a nuke on Washington D.C. (at this point, you kinda just have to go with it). As the nuke gets launched, you quickly jump on like Major Kong; and as you disable it, the game goes all Michael Bay with Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” busting through the background. And, you’re probably singing this in your head right now, aren’t you?

Aren’t you?

Yes, you. Over there…

Stop lying.

Fast forward about five years and you are now the Mother#$%^&*@ President of the United States, along with the rest of the Saints as your cabinet (including the option of an online pal, in case you want to co-op). Suddenly, out of nowhere (well, somewhere, just not sure where), aliens known as the Zin invade the White House — now known as the “White Crib,” complete with stripper poles — abducting you and your entire team. No anal probing, surprisingly. You fortunately-unfortunate peeps are then placed in a virtual reality Steelport. Thus, it’s up to you, your hacker colleague Kinzie, and Vice President Keith David (masterfully playing himself) to free your team, create absolute chaos with your new superpowers, and show Emperor Zinyak that he just fucked with the wrong “puckish rogue.”

Since most of the SR4 takes place in a virtual world like The Matrix, you get to break all the laws of reality. Instead of “with great power, comes great responsibility,” it’s more like “with great power, I can do whatever the ‘F’ I want because I’m insanely awesome (tossin’ up them middle fingers like 2Pac)!”

Steelport is the new Compton. Or Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh.

Throughout the game — which has no problem alien comboing SR3 with Crackdown — you’ll accumulate various superpowers such as super jump, super speed, telekinesis, and fire balls, which are upgradeable as you progress to become the ultimate badass. There are no bounds in the virtual Steelport. Find yourself outgunned by army of aliens? Not much of an issue when you can just take ‘em out with your super stomp, all the while listening to Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.” Or better yet, start causing city mayhem with an alien tank or the mech suit, while listening to EMF’s “Unbelievable.” Oh, it’s like a sci-fi’d out VH1 “I Love the 90s!” Of course, there are a shitload of new weapons to choose from such as the Black Hole Gun (which.. you guessed it!) and the Inflato Ray (which inflates your enemies to the point where their bodies explode). Fun times! However, I found myself using the Dubstep Gun more often than any. It’s a gun that blasts flashing neon lights and dubstep music at your enemies.

See kids, Volition proved that listening to too much of that horrendous music will kill you.

Being ridiculously superpowered and using insane alien weapons are not all what makes SR4 so enjoyable. The game’s many parodies are just as great, including sci-fi fanboy homages to their pistol upgrades (Blade Runner, “Firefly”). In addition to all of the Hollywood nods and soundtrack bliss, there’s plenty of odes to great games too, such as inFamous and Prototype (the super powered gameplay element), and the Monsignor’s all-time fav, Mass Effect (by the way you interact with your team on the spaceship, not to mention romance them).

Boss: “Hey Kinzie, wanna fuck?” Kinzie punches you in the face, and then jumps on you.

Kinzie: “Let’s do this!”

(Must be all that pent-up frustration Kinzie and the Boss have from arguing like a married couple.. the entire damn game.)

Some of the tougher enemies include Lookie Lou.

But, nothing bats the homage to a film I actually had the privelage of screening and Q&A-covering earlier this year (which you can read right here), John Carpenter’s They Live. Oh, the irony! The game actually turnbuckle tosses in legendary WWF wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (and his actual voice) to re-enact his infamous fight scene with Keith David. WTF!?!? I mean.. David guest stars, and aliens are the bad guys. Why the hell not?

Oh, and, if you didn’t bother doing too much crazy character editing, or browsing online for hours at some of the many insane creations (a major plus for this 4th installment) Roddy Piper can then be used as a fellow Homeboy.

Hell, that’s not even the half of the humor that Saints Row IV has to offer. There’s a part where players will earn their Transformers moment by listening to “The Touch” from Stan Bush, all the while suiting up as the Iron Saint. Better yet, you start singing along to Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract,” and try to get Kinzie to sing along with you, but she just tells you to…do something terrible to yourself. There’s a sense of nostalgia from this soundtrack that is comparable to none other.

Don’t worry, baby; it was just a phase. He barely mentioned me in this review, anyway…

Sure, while the fanboy in me has taken over much of this review (don’t worry; it’s not even close to the highest rated on the net), I’m not going to lie about the graphics. They’re merely passable. But, maybe that’s why this fun-ass game was tucked away in the darkest cornest at E3, or perhaps I’m only noticing these defencies now because of the looming next-gen.

But, dudes and dudettes of the congregation, you’re not picking up a Saints Row game for the graphics, now, are ya? Of course not. None of the prettier games on the market could ever match up with the franchise’s out-of-this-world/out-of-your-mind zaniness. So, one bible falls off the alter. No biggie. Either way, Saints Row IV exceeds some very lofty expectations following the sheer insanity of Saints Row: The Third. Hell, due to this fourth entry, I’ve been intensely sleep-deprived, living off little more than energy drinks (if only they sold Saints Flow in stores) with a mind so warped, I keep having dreams that I’m buck-naked, blasting aliens asshats while shitty EDM was playing in the background.

How’s that for an impression? Through four mighty games, Volition has chucked over street gangs, zombies, and aliens… Whatever’s next, you can bet the Rev will be amped and ready to go #fullretard once again.

And to think I only mentioned Troy Baker once. Okay. Now twice.

Dammit, Troy.

Okay, now thr…

4.5 (out of 5) Bibles. Half-ass graphics aside, this is one of the Year’s Top 3 Games!

Deep Silver’s Saints Row IV is currently in stores, wherever good PC, PlayStation3, and Xbox 360 games are sold.

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………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….nah.

Kinda. Shit. This was our first San Diego Comic-Con together as a team, together as GHG, and here’s our first ever Wrap-Up Roundtable for thee!

“Sister” Sherice’s Pieces, “Reverend” Joe Rivera, “Minister” Gabe Carrasco, Lance Paul “The Apostle”, Derek “Divine” Vigeant, Travis “Monsignor” Moody, and, our newest clergygal, Nicole “Fallen Angel” Brunner.

That guy to the far left? Already camping in line for Hall H. Yup.

No, we kid. We’re still working on that one, Nicole.

And, yes, we eat. We eat a lot. Deal.

We talk our favorite, most disappointing, most surprisingly, and balls-out best moments of the Geek Culture Super Bowl, with plenty of shenanigans. CLICK HERE to download the podcast if the Soundcloud isn’t working on your mobile device (it probably won’t), or you can stream from mediafire RIGHT HERE.

And, stay tuned! GodHatesGeeks is far from done with the Con, as we still got another week or so left of great coverage.

Check the hashtag #SDCCGHG for everything Twitter from San Diego!

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To this Reverend, something has to be said for one who brings millions into their own world — without the sight of their face.

You could call these artists the voices of the voiceless; the voices of the faceless; the voices of big budget enterprises.

Of course I’m talking about the vocal talents of video games. Today (and perhaps every other day), I’m talking about Troy Baker.

Rumor has it that Joe was given this autographed poster at the Con, and it now resides on his bedroom ceiling.

If you’ve listened to our San Diego Comic Con Preview Night podcast, then you’ve heard the other GHG members (hi Moody and Sir Lancelot!) poke fun for…basically not shutting up about Mr. Baker. Sure, call it a man-crush. Whatever moniker you want to shake at me, there’s no backing away. If you call yourself a gamer, then you’ve most likely played something starring the real deal. The man is not only versatile in the characters he voices, but also happens to have one of those unique voices where…

It’s impossible to describe. Baker just has one of those badass hero voices!

Though he’s the voice of leading — and hella award-winning — video game characters like Booker Dewitt (Bioshock Infinite), Joel (The Last of Us), The Leader of The Saints (Saints Row 3 & 4), Mr. Baker will finally have his hand at a major villain with the forthcoming Batman game, Arkham Origins. Yes, the former Batman/Robin/Nightwing will now play Joker.

Hail to the motherfluffing new Clown Prince of Crime!

How handsome? HAND-SOME (money over, bitch).

So, there was your resident Rev at SDCC, with the anticipation knocking on me like biochemical laughing gas. Troy Baker was guest appearing at two of today’s panels — Origins and Saints Row IV –and most people would have looked at my face like I was a 13-year old white girl getting ready for a Justin Beiber concert. Even if I’ve never even met Kevin Conroy or Mark Hamill, the respective voices of Batman and Joker the past twenty years, this Baker kid seemingly combined that excitement. I mean, dude’s really come out of nowhere the past couple years and, here I am, barely able to contain myself.

For those unfamiliar with the recent outings of Saints Row (and shame on you; yes, you, MOODY), just imagine if Grand Theft Auto and The Matrix had a drunken unprotected, drug-induced one night stand. It’s almost like handling John Carpenter’s They Live in an open world.

So, enter Volition’s creative director Steve Jaros, and of course the voice cast: JB Blanc (Zinyak, the alien overlord), Yuri Lowenthal (Matt Miller and Prof. Genki), Baker and Laura Bailey (Male and Female Boss Protagonist). As soon as Baker walks in, I stand up and shout, “You my boy, Troy!” Sure, I thoroughly embarrassed my dear friend/colleague/comic book enthusiast, Nicole. But…

Welcome to God Hates Geeks.

The rep from the Row’s publisher, Deep Silver, asked Troy: “You’re just all over the place. Is there any game you haven’t done?”

Troy Baker: “Umm…”

Me: (yelling from the crowd): “Mario.”

Troy: (looking right at me, underwear starting to drip): “Mario! Yes, you are right… (lowering the voice) as far as you know! This is Baker-Con!”

He said that — not me!

The Rev actually had the opportunity to ask a question to the SR4 panel, but of course the convention employee was whispering to everyone “Just one question, keep it brief, and absolutely…no requests!” Damn, I was really looking forward to asking Troy if he could do the line, “Do you have any idea who you’re f@%&ing with?!?!” You know, ever so equivocally. Well, thanks Major Buzzkill. Now what do I ask?

When it was my turn to come up to the mic, I said “Hey Troy, big fan since the Catherine game!”

Troy: “Oh, thank you!”

Then he quickly motions to Laura Bailey, sitting right beside him.

When asked if he would ever play a live action Joker, Baker just puffed on his cig. SO COOL!

Me: “Yes, Laura, I didn’t forget about you! (she was in that game, too) Loved you as Catherine, you were wonderful!” (I’m an asshole!) (cue audience laughter)

How the hell did I forget the actress, who voiced the title character was sitting right beside him?

Me: (back to Baker) Now, you voiced a wide variety of characters like Booker Dewitt, Vincent Brooks, The Joker…but, how does is it feel to now be the President, and not just the President, but the “Mother F@%&ing President?”

Troy: “Well, I’m still taking over the world!” (audience burst of laughter) “I was a fan Saints Row before and a Grand Theft Auto fan, as well…but what I loved what SR did was that they let you play the game, as opposed to the game playing you, if that makes any sense. So, the great thing about Saint Row: The Third was that nothing was out of bounds, and they got to really push the envelope. And one thing that I love about SR4 is that you get to play as Nolan North (Nathan Drake from Uncharted)…not just the voice, but actual Nolan North… What, no one’s excited for that? (cue delay applause)

I think we all would rather play as you, Mr. Baker. Though, I have checked out the trailer for the upcoming Infamous game, and the protagonist he voices does have a striking resemblance to him. Crazaaayyy!!!

Up on stage in the near massive CBF Hall for the Batman: Arkham Origins panel were WB Creative Director Eric Holmes and voice actors Roger Craig Smith (Assassin’s Creed) and (my not-so-secret hetero whatever) Troy Baker. As soon as the cast walked on stage, Monsignor Moody — who couldn’t resist a piece of the Baker-Con himself — kept telling me to settle down.

Ha! Well, if this 49ers Safety guy thinks he can even touch my Bat Cookies, then God bless ‘em!

Moody: Do I need to tie you down to your chair?

Yes. This is how you do panels. Even my boss would agree that the Arkham Origins panel was among the best at the Con. Baker and Smith were just screwing around, doing funny voices the entire time. I nearly pissed my pants when they both did Adam West impressions. Smith: “Wait, what was that? Shatner?” Not to mention Baker’s impression of Christopher Walken. My Godlovesgeeks, he just kept going! Gotta love it!

When is there going to be a goddamn Oscar for Best Voice Actor? And, seeing our heroes enjoy the shit out of what they do — and enjoy performing for the fans — is what makes the experience of going to the Con so enjoyable. Of course, both actors did address the issue of becoming the new voices of Batman and Joker. Smith and Baker intend to pay homage to these characters, and tweek the voices a little bit; but not deviate from what has always been known from the fans. Baker wants to make sure that players see the Joker, and not Troy Baker doing some impression of Luke Skywalker’s Joker. “I don’t want you see this goofy looking mug (his), over that handsome face (of The Joker).

Goofy mug!?!? There were plenty of ladies in the audience — and me (wah-ha!) — who were so not thinking that! Gotta admit, his grinning Joker laugh gave me chills! When he was asked “what’s next?” His response, “Hey, I’m available for anyone who wants to hire me.”

There went the crowd, and there goes the phone.

Mad Hatter confirmed for AO. Said to be voiced by a combination of North, Hamill and Conroy. Ooooooh!!!

So, is Troy Baker is up there with such talented voice actors as Nolan North, Kevin Conroy, and Mark Hamill? Absolutely. I admire the fact that he is a gamer himself, and that he really prefers voice acting in video games. Let’s face it, video games these days deliver the cha-ching. They are a new form of media, deserving of the same kind of recognition and respect as television and film. Lastly, I neglected to mention that Troy Baker is a talented singer and musician. If you haven’t heard the cover of “Will The Circle Be Unbroken” (with Baker also on guitar), along with fellow voice actress Courtnee Draper, it plays during the end credits of Bioshock Infinite. Sha-pow.

Well, I look forward to playing whatever future character Baker voices, even if that equates to buying a damn Wii-U. And, with that..  we. Suh. Lute. You.

Hail the to the Mother F@%&ing Chief!!!

• Saints Row IV will be available August 20th, with the first DLC, Enter the Dominatrix (a “behind-the-scenes” style mocumentary of all content cut from the game, originally slated for SR3), set to drop 45 days after release.

• Jaros blamed America’s favorite refreshment, beer, for the origin of the Dubstep Gun.

• Batgirl won’t be in Arkham Origins — released October 25th — but your Worst Nightmare will. Warner Bros. Montreal showed off an allotment of skins, in addition to the haunting figure so many of Bruce’s criminals imagine at night, with the likes of Adam West Batman and Knightfall.

• A female version of Copperhead was also introduced, which actually brought much delight to game consultant and DC writing god, Geoff Johns. Since the poisonous martial artist — who took 3 motion capture performers to nail — works from the shadows, it’ll be interesting to see how Batman “takes it from behind,” for once.

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…………………………………………………………………………………………….eh?

Preview Night was an abomination…

Supposedly, that lil’ guy you see in the blue WORKS for IGN.

…and we somehow survived it with our First Annual San Diego Comic Con Midnight Preview Podcast!!!

Tyler “Minister” McPhail, “The Reverend” Joe Rivera, Lance Paul “The Apostle,” and Travis “Monsignor” Moody. If you don’t mind a bunch of long-line idiots whine and bitch, brag about their arcade sticks, and annoyingly eat chips, then you’ll enjoy this!

And, it’s only half the length of our E3 podcast! Yay! (Or, you can download it here if the Soundcloud below doesn’t work…)

Follow our trek through this insanely crazy weekend event at hashtag #SDCCGHG.

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