WWE NETWORK!

…or more apropros, Suck it. (More on that later.)

Another CES has passed, as your faithful Nerd Apostle was able to get his hands on all the great gadgets and witness first hand all the epic moments of the week. First let’s begin with: Hi, my names Lance Paul and I am tech-aholic!

10.) Oculus Rift.

Out of all the new toys being shown at CES, the Oculus Rift was the coolest new nerd-gastic tech I wanted to get my hands on. Oculus is the leading edge in virtual reality 3D headsets, with a new Crystal Cove prototype simply unbelievable in its head-tracking. You can effortlessly lean in and out and look at objects from multiple angles. For example, I was able to lean forward and look around a wall. Just think of where the future is going to take this! Oculus has also been able to nearly fix all the immersion-quashing latency issues or lag time.

The Crystal Cove had me saying “gigidy” the whole time, wide-eyed, thinking of all the possibilities! The headset is bound to change the future of gaming and so much more.

These kids.. these FREAKIN’ kids.. keep telling me what a Turtle Ninja is. They’re damn aliens, I tell you! ALIENS!!!

9.) Tough week for Hollywood Transformers.

Like everything Michael Bay, tactful is not one of his specialties. If not too busy ruining our childhood franchises — TMNT or Transformers — the Pain & Gain director is making a fool of himself on stage for Samsung. Bay was at the opening night of CES promoting the new Samsung 105-inch curved 4K TV, when his teleprompter skipped a beat. Unfortunately, improvisation isin’t one of his strong suits. Poor Mr. Bay then decided to quit half way through and walk offstage with his head lower than when Minister Moody found out the newest Shredder is now a white guy!

Cue: Shia Labeouf fist pump.

8.) Full Steam ahead!!!

Forget McSteamy or any other corny names we can come up with, because the only Steam worth mentioning is the all new Valve Steam Machine initiative which was unveiled here at CES. Numerous designs were shown, which doesn’t really explain how the PC gaming console move will work.

Steam Machines or least the idea behind it, is awesome. I love the concept. I just hope that the Steam OS has a future, if the hardware vendors, game developers and, of course, you the gamers embrace the tech, there is a chance!

Shit, I’m just now noticing the sign for free snacks.

I look forward to the road ahead for Razer and Steam. Razer has already partnered up with 13 other companies, Alien being one of the. Alien has already announced a Steam version of its X51. The next conventions leading up to E3 and Comic-Con will really show us what Min-Liang Tan CEO of Razer has in-store for us. 2014 could potentially be the year of the PC console.

The future is potentially very bright for the new hardware (just ask Razer CEO Min-Liang Tan), but 2014 is going to be a colossal year for Steam Machines and for Valve. CES was only the beginning, and these new gaming entrants have a fascinating road ahead of them. Those turned off by next-gen should be able to kick back and enjoy the ride.

7.) PlayStation Now, details later.

Way before the PS4 was released, Sony purchased Gaikai and then went silent about it. Everyone knew what Sony had in mind, but could they create an operational video game streaming system in such short time?

Stephen King does it again!

Well, this year at CES your favorite nerd Apostle got a glimpse of PlayStation Now. This service, which looks similar to HBO GO, will allow gamers to stream a selection of PS3 games onto their PS4 and Sony Bravia TV’s. No mention of what games yet, but this is definitely yet another thorn in Xbox One’s side. Stay tuned!

6.) Razer keeps trying to sling his girl, Christine, at me!

Razer had a dream a couple years back, and it is now coming to fruition, and this dream is huge! Project Christine is Razer’s concept for a 100% modular gaming PC; though not even complete, it has already stolen some fanfare away from Steam.

2014 will be the year that Razer shows us what they’re made of. Project Christine could be the future of a literal plug-and-play PC gaming system, or it could go absolutely no where. Only time will tell.

5.) T-Mobile’s CEO shows AT&T “the people’s elbow”!

It was a big week for the CEO of T-Mobile US, John Legere. He won a pissing contest with the leader in mobile services AT&T, and was kicked out of a Macklemore & Lewis concert for doing it!

Legere found himself in the exclusive AT&T private party, and was gently escorted out of it earlier in the week. Legere is a diehard Macklemore fan, so of course he choose to attend. Ahem, yeah right! The outspoken, pink T-wearing, Aragorn-haired Legere planned his timing perfectly for CES. Just the next day he went on the stage and announced that T-Mobile would start paying the early termination fees of anyone switching to T-Mobile from Verizon, Sprint or AT&T. The forth largest cellphone provider has agreed to pay up to $350 to cover ETF, and an extra $300 for a new device.

If only their service was better in Southern Cal!

Tastes better than Doritos — that I can promise.

4.) The Tegra K1 has come…. Let it be known!

In the realm of gaming graphics at CES nothing showed more than Nvidia with their Tegra K1 processor. The K1 chip has set a new standard when it comes to tablet gaming!

The Tegra K1 has 192 CUDA cores, DirectX11, Unreal Engine 4 support, and desktop class Kepler architecture. The K1 brings photorealistic graphics to the palm of our hands. According to Nvidia, when the Tegra comes out later this year it will be more graphically superior than the Xbox 360 and PS3. Here at GHG, we think the K1 will revolutionize the mobile gaming market…and maybe we’ll even start reviewing them.

3.) Steam(y) hands after this new overdrive Controller.

Gaming is fun and exciting! Gaming on a PC/MAC takes getting used to with a mouse and keypad. Valve finally has an answer for that! Valve’s new Steam Controller. I was able to get my hands on it for just a ninja second and I was impressed. It is light, streamlined, and creative when it comes to everything it has to handle. I mean, we are talking about replacing 61 keys and a shaved mouse here!

You can even enjoy Terry Gilliam films on this one!

2.) Vizio has a 4k for only 1k!

Last years CES 13 was all about 4K Televisions, every manufacture had one and they all cost more than Jose’s porn collection. Unfortunately they were priced super high and they didn’t have anything that could be played on them. Least one of these issues has been fixed as of this week! Vizio has released their new, Vizio P-Series Ultra HD set which will start at just $1,000 — yes $1,000 for a 50-inch, 4K television set. Now, 50 inches is a little “small” for a 4K TV, if you have seen one then you know that to truly get the full benefit out of one you need to be closer to the 70’s range. For the gaming community or fans of true 1080p movies this will be a necessity to buy next Christmas.

1.) The WWE Network! Nuff said!

CES is usually about tech and gadgets, but the big press news this year came from Vince McMahon himself on the stage at the Encore hotel. No longer playing by the rules, the WWE has decided to change 30 years of irrevocable television. So blossoms the WWE Network! No longer will someone have to pay premium fees to see Wrestlemania or even cable fees for their weekly dose of Smackdown or RAW. For a monthly fee of only $9.99 (as opposed to earlier rumors of $14.99 or even 19.99) a month you will have access to all of this, when it shows and at the same time as everyone across the globe. Also, fans of the squared circle will have access to the rich history of 30 years of chair-smacking excellence. Yeah, you heard right. Every WWE, WCW and even ECW (and all of those old school and indy feds…can we get back ESPN’s old GWF?) match ever shown will be easily accessed and at the click of a remote, across all systems, gadgets and TV’s.

This is revolutionary move for a network to have the cojones to take on the establishment, but what else would you expect from the man who conquered Ted Turner?