Come on. You guys listened to The Pharcyde, right? That was brilliant. Anyway, what we’re talking about this week is the Hong Kong Cavaliers trumping the GHG Fantasy League to a storming 4-0 start. With a healthy Jamaal Charles, the valiant Victor Cruz, and a little bit of Luck, the congregation’s resident Neophyte is undefeated.

With my FF co-star Billy Mau next on her hit-list, does he stand a chance? And now that much of the NFL rotation storm is in the clear, do waiver wire pick-ups even mean anything anymore? Will the team with the highest graded draft bow down to the rest of Arkham City to utter embarrassment?

Only God knows.

“The Monsignor” Travis Moody: Before we bring in Nicole’s beautiful bragging ass into the show, let’s begin, Billy, with what lived up to the thriller between our two teams. After going up nearly 40 points heading into MNF, it wasn’t all that much of a roller coaster ride from there, and for that, I hate you.

The Neophyte approves.

“Mad Monk” Billy Mau: Here’s the thing about the Monday Night Miracle, ok, it was beautiful. It was the reason you don’t get happy until Tuesday morning…or, if you’re like me, you just never get happy at all. As for this week, of course I don’t stand a chance. And at what point does the Neophyte become the Master? My quarterback situation is permanently FUBAR and everything else is blind luck. My team is just as capable of putting up a 65-point game as it is a 120-point game. So of course I’ll lose. Besides, we all know this entire fantasy football league is an elaborate ruse you set up to make your girlfriend happy. How very Gosling of you.

On to business: Of course waiver wire pick ups still matter. We’re into the bye weeks now and if you have more than one TE, kicker or defense on your team, you’re an idiot. You’ll be looking for these spots when the byes come up. And let’s not forget the biggest reason to grab hot waiver picks: So your enemies don’t get those players. Sure, your lineup may be solid, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a dick and steal all the good players. Then you trade them off, or better yet, keep them and watch others suffer. Anarchy rules. The government is shut down, so it’s win at all costs. Shit, if I lived in California, I’d have had you all waterboarded by now just to get the psychological edge over the rest of the league.

Moody: Fair enough. It just seems that since we’re playing in a 12-team league, the free agents out there are pretty weak and are more or less a crapshoot in comparison to the awful players many of us have on our benches already. I’m just mad at Gronk. If this guy was healthy… I’d be looking a little different right now. Sucks. But, hey, at least Alex Smith (ranked 8th in the league in scoring this week) and the KC D (5th highest points for a D all season) — two of your calls, by the way, Billy Boy — at least made our match-up fun. Again, I got nothing from the wideout position, the position I thought I’d have the least amount of trouble with. At this point, my darkhorse T.Y. Hilton has become a total bust, and Megatron has really only had 1 huge game; though, we know that will change. Roddy White looked far improved against the Patriots on Sunday Night, although that meant little in terms of Fantasy — and he still may be a stretch to start. I’m not sure what the hell happened with your Texan, Hopkins, but maybe next year is his breakthrough season.

Oh, he’ll be back…on the ice.

Regarding good news for the Batflecks, besides my team looking, well, “old and weary,” my team got a combined 34 points from my backs this week, my highest of the season. And, that was with the breakout of Le’Veon Bell, who was sitting on my bench. Of course, he has a bye this week. This Bat can’t catch a break!

Now, if C.J. Spiller doesn’t play much, I’ve got 4 solid backs in a 2-back league. Can you say trade? Speaking of trades, I think it’s time I trade in my galpal for beating my ass in week 1. But, no, I think I’ll at least keep her around another week because I’d love to see her beat down the Monk and, of course, she’ll kill me since we have New York Comic-Con coming up next week. Hello, Nicole.

Nicole “The Neophyte” Brunner: Haha, I just do what Yahoo Sports tells me to and having players like Cruz and Andrew Luck doesn’t hurt. I feel really lucky despite the fact I wasn’t able to pick the players I wanted at the draft. You can thank Steve Jobs for that. So, thanks for my 4-0 start, shitty Apple products! Obviously, all my technological difficulties all worked out for the best at this point. My Hong Kong Cavaliers are doing well, and I haven’t been this happy since I kicked my man Moody’s ass in Rayman. And, like my countless hours coasting through that fun platformer, #winning has gotten me out of a dark Phoenix-sized depression…

Moody: A dark depression of being forced to watch football, you mean? I hear ya. At least you’re not 2-2 with Peyton Manning, the guy you really wanted in the first place. I also don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. Your Cavs have made far better free agent choices than its NBA counterpart; like you said, it was Miller time on Sunday, and lord knows I could’ve used either Heath or Josh Gordon on Sunday. Looking at the match-up, do you think Mad Monk stands a chizzance?

We got the best logo in the league. Yeah, I said it.

Nicole: Uhh… put it this way. I’m like the Billy Beane of Fantasy Football. Most people praise the show “Breaking Bad,” well now it’s time they all praise the theme of this league: “Breaking Brunner”…ha. I was only gonna choose Peyton because he was one of the few players that I actually knew of. Hilarious, how little I knew about football going into FF. So, yes, the thought of watching football before would’ve sent me into a depression. But, so long as you’re buying the drinks — unlike last Sunday, ya cheapo — I’ll be just fine watching grown, often handsome men pouncing each other like wild… OK, I’ll stop. Just thinking about how weird it was that Mr. Sacks’ Seattle StuporSonics didn’t play their best players — hello Arian! — this past week though. Stu-pid? Or did Moody pay Jason off to keep me happy?

Billy: Both. The whole league got e-mail’s equating to Han telling Luke to let the wookie win. Except, he didn’t call you a wookie. Neither did I. Just want to clear that up since I get the worst in communications mix ups around here.

Nicole: Whatever intergalactic mess you say, Monk. According to Yahoo, I’m the underdog in next weeks match-up between us, so someone wants me to lose… but with my roster depth and more than a lil’ Luck on my side, I should win…again.

Billy: I don’t trust Yahoo’s predictions. Looking at this weekend, I like your matchups slightly better than mine. That said, I’ve learned a very valuable lesson: I will always pick against myself because that’s when my team actually wins. Still keeping Kap on the bench because he’s facing Houston and that defense is super pissed. The angry, bloody face of J.J. Watt is officially a nightmare material for every QB — and opposing fantasy player — ever. Just watch the first episode of this season of FX’s The League. That means I’ll be playing Andy Dalton again, even though he made a fool of me last week with 2 fumbles and 4 picks. Oh, the horror.

I think that’s Chuck Rice, to the right.

Moody: That performance was bad. That’s why I was so sure I had that game..he had like 5 or 6 points. Pathetic. Yet, Darren Sproles — the guy you completely wrote off at the beginning of the season — ended up with the 2nd most fantasy points by a Back this week. This Sunday, I face the holy Disciples of Derek Divine…WITHOUT Purple Jesus. How lucky am I? Certainly not Luck/Lucky, but it could be an interesting match-up if Aaron Rodgers lights up the scoreboard. I have a little running back controversy of my own, with Eddie Lacy coming back healthy following a bye, and the possible emergence of White. Then again, playing with my Fantasy team is certainly like playing blackjack with Dr. Doom.

Nicole: And I’m the Invincible Woman. I knew Jamal Charles would be a great asset when I drafted (for some unknown reason), so it’s easy to feel good about his match-up every week. My wideouts are consistent. Although, the tight end position isn’t doing much for me in the way of points or anything — well except for my own, of course — but it’s a position with few standouts. And, hey.. to think, I do have extra incentive following Cruz on Sunday because the Moody Monsignor’s cousin’s G-Men will be fighting his NFC team Eagles.

Billy: Talk about NFC cellar dwellers. Better be breakfast on them for even making you watch that game! Trav, you have some pro level homerism going on. Your team is hurt. Nearly every player has an injury status. It’s NEVER a good sign when your starting lineups have more “Q”s on it than comes in your standard issue Scrabble game. By the time you get Gronk back, it may be too late.

Dude. It’s a trip to think I went from doing “Storage Wars” to this!

There’s not much on our waiver wire, but I’m kind of shocked to see Tom Brady’s ol’ back-up, Brian Hoyer, still available. I’m also curious to see what Ryan Fitzpatrick does while Jake Locker is hurt. Perhaps QB is the strongest position among your Fantasy teams. Hell, Peyton is backed up by Brady in this league. The other big thing in most leagues is who is going to jump on Danny Woodhead. He looked like the kid from Terminator 2, but he’s becoming the new Sproles in San Diego.

Moody: Never imagined the day I’d see an Eddie Furlong reference in any of our articles. Because of the delay of this article and a pretty silly Twitter scenario, Mr. Monk, I picked up Rashad Jennings from the Raiders. The Running Back will be taking the place of the disappointing, disappointed Daryl Richardson. Although Rashad disappointed the hell out of me last year (for having that one huge breakout game to shit), I’m just using your “take away” advice. Damn, I’m starting to think using your advice is the entire point of this article — except that it wasn’t good enough to beat…you.

• Mad Monk’s Fantasy Pick Em’s of the Week: Derek’s Disciples will go all Inquisition on the Batflecks, the Seattle Stuporsonics will prove to be a buzzkill for Snootchie Bootchies, Greyskull Meatheads will pound the Steady Mobbers to Eternia and back, Slim pickings on the waiver wire will doom the understaffed Puckish Rogues against Gryffindor Patronus, IheartJAG gets back in the W column against a banged up Lannister Lefties team, and last, but not least, the commish will be playing the part of the cuckolded man as the Hong Kong Cavs enthusiastically beat Off A Hobo to remain undefeated. Week 4/Season thus far: 3-3/7-17.

If we lose to the Jets, I’m moving back to Chesnut Hill.

• Moody’s NFL Week 5 Pick Em’s: Browns stay on a roll over Buffalo, the Sudfeld-less Patsies stay undefeated over the up and down Bengals, Packers finally figure it out after the bye with a tough win over the Lions, the Luck runs out against the NFL best Seattle StuporSeahawks, Ravens win in Miami, Saints’ prayers are answered in Chicago, Shady runs for 150 in New York with a win for the Eags’, KC dumps the ball all over Tennessee’s quarterback controversy, the Niners hold on at home in the week’s most entertaining game, and in a rare late Sunday night thriller, the Chargers win just a few hours away in Raiderville, and the Falcons get their run started with an easy homer over the J-E-T-S- on Monday Night. Week 4/Season thus far: 10-5/37-26.